[rasiasertew]

I'm looking for a bit of advice here, and I apologize in advance if this is the wrong forum for this post.

I suffer from hyperscrupulousity, which is a subcategory of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. In brief, I have a heightened sensitivity to sin, and I live in constant dread of God's retribution against me for my sin. As a matter of fact, I wonder if I have sinned in just writing that sentence. And the last one.

My question is this: I am writing a term paper that started off well, but has completely sputtered. I am nearly finished with it, but I am afraid to turn it in because in it I reference Christ's crucifixion, comparing it to the martyrdom of the title character in Oroonoko, which is a slave narrative.

I am worried that since I am writing what amounts to a rushed term paper, and I am using the most important part of the gospel for evidence, that I will be punished for my irreverence, since I am basically using the Holy Scriptures as another literary source.

If this sounds insane, it probably is. But this is how I live my life. I would appreciate anybody's insight into my problem.

Regards.

[PilotJargon]

Have you spoken to your priest about it?

[WeestDype]

I have not spoken to him about this incident specifically, but in the past he has said that God is my father, and that he loves me, that he isn't waiting to hurt me. I accept that, but I cannot overcome this guilt...

[vforvandetta]

Then speak to him again, mentioning your paper. And get help for your OCD.

[kjanyeaz1]

Perform acts of love and kindness and service to others. Your own problems will diminish.

[Abebpabeniemo]

Perform acts of love and kindness and service to others. Your own problems will diminish.

Sound advice. Thank you.

[Fosavoa]

Just to elaborate, sometimes it can be very powerful to state a simple truth: God loves you. But for many of us in this day and age, it falls on deaf ears. Because we have been cut off from love or we have cut ourselves off from love by all of the barriers that we erect, conscious and unconscious. So the solution is to begin to work to love others, take whatever actions are necessary, and then we will come to know that it is really God who has loved us all along and given us whatever power we have to love Him and love others. And you know what? Our fears and anxieties dissolve. (If you don't know what actions to take, suggest referring to 1 Cor 13. )

[qilmuz6v]

Johannes,

Permit me to share a bit of what I have earned both from becoming Orthodox and from working with a very kind and godly therapist on personal issues in the past.

First, I don't know whether your struggle has been clinically diagnosed or if you are self-diagnosing. That matters a bit but it doesn't determine everything.

When I first went to confession, I would be so scrupulous and anxious that I called my confessor when I got home about some little thing that I had forgotten. This happened a few times. I think that I fought off the urge to call the second time but I felt the need. I know that what you struggle with is much more severe than that but I do know a little of the feeling.

1) You need to realize that when, at Liturgy, you pray before communion and call yourself the chief of sinners, it is TRUE. It is for all of us - for two reasons. First, our attitude its to judge no one else. That leaves only ourselves to evaluate so we must be the worst. But, that isn't the point I want to make. The second reason is that in your own way you are the best at sinning in your own style! But, we ALL are. God knows that and still wants us to come to Him!

2) You need to realize that you (and all of us) are more sinful than we ever realize. But God has known this all along, too. That is what the Gospel is all about. We can't see our own sins - God has to show us. Finding out what they are is a long process that we need to let God lead us through. I put this hard truth here because you need to realize that you simply can't solve the sin problem by your anxieties or obsessive concern. God has to do it.

3) You need to realize that God LOVES you. I am talking about the God who knows all of our sins and still died for us and rose again. Theosis is God's purpose for our healing. It takes (at least) a lifetime and we can TRUST God to take us through the repentance + healing process as we cooperate with His grace.

4) Now I suggest that there are two ways of picturing God. In thinking of the father character in the parable of the prodigal son do you see a father who has his arms crossed, a frown on his face, and is tapping his foot demanding our immediate perfection or do you see the father who was looking for his son and ran to embrace him even before he could utter his well-prepared words of repentance? I think that you will agree that it is the latter. But your reactions to your own failings reflect the first (wrong) picture of God. Please look up and read the parable. Concentrate on what it tells us about God.

Now if you really have clinical OCD then what I have just written may not affect your mental reactions. But, it should affect what you believe about God. You can start to choose to act upon what you believe to be true (what the Gospel tells us about God) instead of letting your mental states rule your life. It may be hard but you can start.

I will pray for you.

Paul

[maxfreemann]

Thank you, Paul. I am moved to tears.

[HowardtheDuck]

I think thoughts are not sins unless you accept them and act into them. There are 5000 thoughts that came in any ones mind and you can not control them. Don't try. If it is something that really bothers you, vocalize it that is go to a special place and speak it with loud voice saying that you don't agree in loud voice. This ends usually ping pong of thoughts.

[gariharrr]

If it is something that really bothers you, vocalize it that is go to a special place and speak it with loud voice saying that you don't agree in loud voice. This ends usually ping pong of thoughts.

This is harmful in some instances according to "Unseen Warefare". Better to acknowledge one is being tempted and immediatley turn your thoughts away from it and pray. For me, Psalm 50 is my best weapon. It takes almost 2 minutes to recite and I have to stay focused on it or else I lose my place. If I lose my place I start over until I finish the psalm and by then the temptation is gone. I think I sometimes unconsconsiously lose my place so I can keep starting over.

Paul