DiscussWorldIssues - Socio-Economic Religion and Political Uncensored Debate

On career and success:

* Keep on working, millions on welfare depend on you!
* I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian!
* Excess is never too much in moderation.
* Lawyers have feelings too (allegedly).
* Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
* To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
* Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
* I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.
* Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.
* Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
* Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
* I R S: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
* All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

On Politics:

* Frodo failed. George Bush has the ring.
* If you can read this, you're not the president.
* The last time politics and religion were mixed, people were burned at the stake.
* Vote Democrat — it's easier than working!
* Vote Republican — it's easier than thinking!
* In America, anyone can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
* Sure you can trust the government! Just ask a native American!
* Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

On Religion:

* If God is within, I hope he likes enchiladas!
* Jesus saves. He uses double coupons.
* Jesus loves you. But I'm his favorite.
* The meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it.
* Jesus loves you! Everybody else thinks you're a jerk.
* I found Jesus - he was behind the sofa all the time.
* Thank God I'm an atheist.
* The more you complain the longer God makes you live.
* As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
* If going to church makes you a Christian, does going into a garage make you a car?

On Science:

* The generation of random numbers is too important to leave to chance.
* If it ain't broke, take it apart and fix it.
* Resistance is futile (if < 1 ohm).
* Does anal retentive have a hyphen?
* Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
* Gravity: It's not just a good idea. It's the law.
* Alcohol and calculus don't mix. DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE!
* Never believe generalisations.
* There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

On People:

* So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
* Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
* Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
* The trouble with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.
* You say I'm a %%%%% like it's a bad thing.
* Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
* Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
* Is it time for your medication or mine?
* I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
* First National Bank of Dad; Sorry, closed.
* My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
* Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU'RE still an idiot.
* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
* Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
* Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.
* Karaoke bars combine two of the nation's greatest evils — people who shouldn't drink with people who shouldn't sing.
* Dyslexics are teople poo.
* People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
* God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.

On Philosophy:

* I don't think, therefore I am not.
* Don't believe everything you think.
* What would Gandalf do?
* I doubt, therefore I might be.
* I fish, therefore I lie.
* Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

On Life:

* Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
* I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
* Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
* Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
* Don't make me mad. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
* On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.
* Carpe Diem = Seize the day. Carp In Denim = Fish in pants.
* Veni, Vidi, Velcro. I came, I saw, I got stuck.
* Visualize Whirled Peas
* Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
* Frankly, Scallop, I don't give a clam.
* A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
* The trouble with life is there's no background music.
* Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
* I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
* Allow me to introduce my selves.
* Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
* Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
* Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.
* I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
* I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
* If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
* First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
* Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
* Out of my mind - back in five minutes.
* I need someone real bad. Are you real bad?
* Constipation causes people not to give a crap.
* Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
* Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I did a little shopping.
* If you're happy and you know it see a shrink.
* Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
* I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
* If it isn't broken, fix it until it is.

On Computers:

* An Apple a day keeps Windows away.
* Double your drive space. Delete Windows.
* Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
* The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
* The box said Windows 2000 or better. So I installed Linux.
* Use the best: Linux for servers, Mac for graphics, Windows for Solitaire.
* The control key on the keyboard does not work.
* There's no place like 127.0.0.1
* How do I set a laser printer to stun?
* If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0!

On Driving:

* Forget world peace; visualize using your turn signal.
* If you believe in telepathy, think about honking.
* If you can read this, I've lost the trailer!
* Stoplights timed for 30 mph are also timed for 60 mph.
* Follow that car, Godzilla - and step on it!
* Don’t bother honking or flashing your lights, I'm deaf and blind.
* (Spotted on a passing motorcycle): If you can read this, my wife fell off!
* Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
* Honk If you want to see my finger.
* If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
* Driver carries no cash. He's married.
* Watch out for the idiot behind me.
* Honk if you hate peace and quiet.

On the Environment:

* So many cats, so few recipes.
* Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl.
* I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.
* EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.

On Health & Fitness:

* I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.
* Rehab is for quitters.
* If you are what you eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
* I'm a vegetarian - I eat anything that eats greens.
* I said "no" to drugs, but they didn't listen.
* I have the body of a god. Buddha.
* Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.
* Say "NO" to drugs. That will bring the prices down.