LOGO
Reply to Thread New Thread
Old 05-03-2011, 10:33 AM   #1
AncewwewBus

Join Date
Oct 2005
Posts
468
Senior Member
Default Marrying a female scholar?


If you are a scholar, then is it a 'good idea' to marry a female scholar or is it a far-fetched and weird concept/desire?

For example, you finish your scholar courses and then seek some female scholar from a female madrassah/darul 'uloom?


AncewwewBus is offline


Old 05-03-2011, 11:24 AM   #2
Nikitka

Join Date
Nov 2005
Posts
468
Senior Member
Default
aslam o alikum
i heard many alimas tht if they merry to non scholar person they feel hard to mange it coz they r not much co-oprative in some cases bt in case of alims i dnt think this really matters (just my thinking)correct me if m wrong
jazakallah
Nikitka is offline


Old 05-03-2011, 11:37 AM   #3
EbrsaRynleot

Join Date
Nov 2005
Posts
543
Senior Member
Default
Not necessary! it's all up to you....you can choose your partner of any field...for instance doc, engineer, teacher....etc...etc..
EbrsaRynleot is offline


Old 05-03-2011, 12:30 PM   #4
Texdolley

Join Date
Oct 2005
Posts
524
Senior Member
Default


If you are a scholar, then is it a 'good idea' to marry a female scholar or is it a far-fetched and weird concept/desire?

For example, you finish your scholar courses and then seek some female scholar from a female madrassah/darul 'uloom?



Theoretically speaking, one can get a good partner from any field in life. Practically speaking, some people believe that cooperation would be greater if both partners were scholars. Allah knows Best.
Texdolley is offline


Old 05-03-2011, 12:31 PM   #5
PetrZimin

Join Date
Oct 2005
Location
ISRAEL
Age
56
Posts
404
Senior Member
Default


If you are a scholar, then is it a 'good idea' to marry a female scholar or is it a far-fetched and weird concept/desire?

For example, you finish your scholar courses and then seek some female scholar from a female madrassah/darul 'uloom?




If you want to marry, marry a girl who mastered chastity, taqwa, haya' and tawadhu. These are the best ever ingredients found only in an ideal wife candidate. If she has these qualities, it wouldn't matter if she graduated from Darul Ulum or Harvard; otherwise she would be no more than a headache.
PetrZimin is offline


Old 05-03-2011, 12:50 PM   #6
Nikitka

Join Date
Nov 2005
Posts
468
Senior Member
Default


If you want to marry, marry a girl who mastered chastity, taqwa, haya' and tawadhu. These are the best ever ingredients found only in an ideal wife candidate. If she has these qualities, it wouldn't matter if she graduated from Darul Ulum or Harvard; otherwise she would be no more than a headache.
AOA
Totally agree with u brother ...this is indeed a great blessing 4rm allah
Nikitka is offline


Old 05-03-2011, 01:00 PM   #7
arriftell

Join Date
Oct 2005
Posts
411
Senior Member
Default
I think it is better if the alimah marrys alims in general. They will have many things in common. Where as marrying into irrelgious family will be difficult for her.
arriftell is offline


Old 05-03-2011, 02:20 PM   #8
UKkoXJvF

Join Date
Oct 2005
Posts
453
Senior Member
Default


If you are a scholar, then is it a 'good idea' to marry a female scholar or is it a far-fetched and weird concept/desire?

For example, you finish your scholar courses and then seek some female scholar from a female madrassah/darul 'uloom?


If you are a mufti or a strong alim then I would recommend marrying an alimah, you can handle them - at least the alimahs here in USA. They lack tarbiyat BIG TIME. I dont know if the mudarris here in USA are aware of this but they need to open their eyes and see the reputation these girls have in the community. They lack a lot of tarbiyat, its missing behind the pardah.

If you are non alim, no matter what you are in field of tasawwuf or dawat and tabligh, then run the other way from these alimahs - speaking again of the ones here in USA - run the other way. If you are non alim/mufti they do not even consider you human I dont think. Very high arrogance and conceited beyond belief. I dont think they even take on tasawwuf or dawat and tabligh to be anything worth their while - consider themselves too high for it. In fact, I would not even suggest alimah for an alim even, just marry a religious minded good akhlaaq girl thats good enough.
UKkoXJvF is offline


Old 05-03-2011, 02:52 PM   #9
exiceJetLip

Join Date
Oct 2005
Posts
409
Senior Member
Default
Shaykh Fusoos, I did not expect this generalisation from someone of your standing. How many American aalimahs have you met for you to be able to give this verdict?
exiceJetLip is offline


Old 05-03-2011, 03:20 PM   #10
UKkoXJvF

Join Date
Oct 2005
Posts
453
Senior Member
Default
Shaykh Fusoos, I did not expect this generalisation from someone of your standing. How many American aalimahs have you met for you to be able to give this verdict?
I have met one too many and I am sorry I have to be the one who unveils this weakness in our system, but there is no doubt that tarbiyat is greatly lacking behind the pardah here. I have mentioned it to some of the asatidha and have invited them to take a trip to the local high schools/colleges and ask about the alimah girls to get an idea of what their attitude and behavior are like. This is the first generation though, 2nd-3rd-4th generation have hope to be real alimah. But one of their fathers had explained it to me in a good way he said, "You are expecting too much from these girls, they live in mansions, their fathers have 6 acres of land as a backyard, what do you expect from them?" I understand what he is saying.

If you are mufti or alim or very wealthy then go ahead and marry alimah here.

If you are non alim and not wealthy - dont even think about it.
UKkoXJvF is offline


Old 05-03-2011, 03:43 PM   #11
gabbaman

Join Date
Oct 2005
Posts
467
Senior Member
Default


@ Respected Shaykh Fusus saheb.

I can understand where you are coming from, I have had experiences as well. However unfortunately the same can be said for an aalim as well. Many have I come in contact with that will leave you feel sour for months afterwards. And the same can be said for any layperson as well.

But, there are so many good ones as well that I feel we should take benefit from. One of my best friends is becoming an 'Aalima and I make du'aa a muftiyyah, and she is nothing as you have described, in fact she hates all pomp show and arrogance. So as I am sure Respected Shaykh knows, there are good and bad. And if one only sees the bad, we can still remember 'Wa Qaleelum Minal Aakhireen'.

Please forgive this one for any disrespect.
gabbaman is offline


Old 05-03-2011, 03:56 PM   #12
UKkoXJvF

Join Date
Oct 2005
Posts
453
Senior Member
Default
In the context of marriage, tarbiyat is very necessary otherwise you get the scenario we have today in Muslim homes. I recommend only an alim for alimah because the girl will have knowledge of deen beyond her needs so he needs to be well versed on his side of the story to keep her in balance.

Alim - Alimah
non Alim - non Alimah

Yes I also do not believe in this "alimah" course thing, very against it. I think Majlis had posted a piece on this issue but I havent been able to find it again after I read it once back in like 2002. You can marry the biggest shaikh, alim, alimah, muftiya whoever, but at the end of the day you are left only with the substance, the nature of that person. Everything else sheds off and you have the raw nature of that individual. If he has a bad temper, hits and breaks things, you are stuck. If she is super arrogant, you are stuck. Tarbiyat is very necessary.
UKkoXJvF is offline


Old 05-03-2011, 03:56 PM   #13
exiceJetLip

Join Date
Oct 2005
Posts
409
Senior Member
Default
I have met one too many ....
How many exactly have you met? And how well did you get to know them to be able to judge them?

You are a brother and a respectable one too- it is obvious you will not have had many dealings with them. Maybe you met a few (less than 5-10...?) under controlled situations (marriage proposals etc) but to make sweeping statements about all American Aalimahs is not wise or fair. As sis sudoku says, there are good and bad in every group.

As you say, the akhlaq and tarbiyyah of a person is what makes or breaks them. So why single out American Aalimahs? Is it not that knowledge of deen betters a person?
exiceJetLip is offline


Old 05-03-2011, 04:04 PM   #14
UKkoXJvF

Join Date
Oct 2005
Posts
453
Senior Member
Default
How many exactly have you met? And how well did you get to know them to be able to judge them?

You are a brother and a respectable one too- it is obvious you will not have had many dealings with them. Maybe you met a few (less than 5-10...?) under controlled situations (marriage proposals etc) but to make sweeping statements about all American Aalimahs is not wise or fair. As sis sudoku says, there are good and bad in every group.
Sorry Aapa I know where you are coming from but I have had very very bad experiences. My friends have also had bad experiences. Tarbiyat is lacking. Insha'Allah it will pick up.
UKkoXJvF is offline


Old 05-03-2011, 04:10 PM   #15
UKkoXJvF

Join Date
Oct 2005
Posts
453
Senior Member
Default
Alimah does not equal being religeous and pious.
Are you serious? Wait, so now we have this idea, or we are open to this idea, that a person can attain 6-8 years of deeni knowledge and still not be pious and religious? Did I understand that correctly?
UKkoXJvF is offline


Old 05-03-2011, 04:28 PM   #16
UKkoXJvF

Join Date
Oct 2005
Posts
453
Senior Member
Default
yes.

If you believe that doing the alim/alimah course = piety,religeousness, then im afraid to say hazrat, well, i wont say what I think.

knowledge does not = piety. Knowledge does not = having the CORRECT understanding of deen.

tarbiyah is something that is so important,yet not enough importance is given.

doing the alim/alimah course may get one onto the basics.

if a man is a non alim, and his wife a 'alimah', even then the husband can do tarbiyah of his wife.
Enigma, thats like saying a non practicing Muslim or a Muslim who doesnt pray 5 times a day. Its unheard of.

I also highly doubt an alimah wife will take tarbiyah from non alim husband though he may be shaikh of tasawwuf - I would be very surprised if a non alim husband did tarbiyah of his alim wife. They usually only discuss on the academic level - a for a, b for b, tick for tack - anything else is irrelevant. The ones I met, their idea of tasawwuf is like these ghair muqalideen, they think it is bidah or at the best of no use to them. Those were just my experiences. Maybe these sisters are right and I ran into a few bad apples, who knows? But my experiences have molded my ideas on this issue for the time being.
UKkoXJvF is offline


Old 05-03-2011, 04:41 PM   #17
UKkoXJvF

Join Date
Oct 2005
Posts
453
Senior Member
Default


this concept and understanding is whats wrong.

the alimah is still a woman and is still human. just because she is a alimah does not mean she sits,or wants to sit down with her husband and talk about academic issues.

A non alim can and does do tarbiyah of his 'alimah' wife so long as he is practising himself and himslef has a correct understanding of deen.

our community(indo/pak) need to get out of this awe mentality of words.

again, its the tarbiyah of the alimah which she has been raised with which will depend on how the husband does the tarbiyah. but again, i rieterate, the tarbiyah of a alimah can and is done by a non alim husband.

first step is to not be in awe of your wife who is a alimah. second is not to ask her about masa'il.
enigma man you seem to have studied this indepth. i am in awe of you.
UKkoXJvF is offline


Old 05-03-2011, 04:44 PM   #18
gabbaman

Join Date
Oct 2005
Posts
467
Senior Member
Default


Hm... I don't understand two things.

1. What is meant by tarbiyyah?
2. Why not ask an 'aalimah about masaail?
gabbaman is offline


Old 05-03-2011, 04:44 PM   #19
Mmccqrtb

Join Date
Nov 2005
Posts
365
Senior Member
Default
yes.

If you believe that doing the alim/alimah course = piety,religeousness, then im afraid to say hazrat, well, i wont say what I think.

knowledge does not = piety. Knowledge does not = having the CORRECT understanding of deen.

tarbiyah is something that is so important,yet not enough importance is given.

doing the alim/alimah course may get one onto the basics.

not everyone enrols into the alim/alimah course because they want to. some are made to. and thus the results you get from each person will depend on their own zeal,their tarbiyah both by parents and teachers etc.

if a man is a non alim, and his wife a 'alimah', even then the husband can do tarbiyah of his wife if the husband is religeous himself.
100% agreed
Mmccqrtb is offline


Old 05-03-2011, 05:30 PM   #20
Cyclicymn

Join Date
Oct 2005
Posts
501
Senior Member
Default
hmmm very very interesting thread!
Cyclicymn is offline



Reply to Thread New Thread

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 

All times are GMT +1. The time now is 10:42 PM.
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
Design & Developed by Amodity.com
Copyright© Amodity