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Old 01-09-2012, 08:44 AM   #1
Goodwin

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Maybe on the outside she looks like an angel but inside she is a devil.
السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته و مغفرته

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

What on earth does that mean????

~

I am currently attending university and am in a similar situation to you. Someone else mentioned nicely that there is always one girl that stands out of the crowd. And another (maybe the same) mentioned it's easy to get infatuated with a girl you don't know as you are oblivious to her faults. During this past year I have come to realise that I have been deluding myself and wasting my time pining over this girl. When I really sit down and examine my feelings, it's downright embarrassing. Whenever I relapse and start to think about her, I try to restir those emotions of mine of embarrassment and the pathetic nature of my feelings.

We men spend so much time thinking about women it's quite (my vocabulary seems limited tonight) embarrassing. As young men we think about women, as we grow older we think about them in marriage, as we find marriage is not the dream we imagined we go back to thinking about other women we see. Only if Allah SWT blesses us with old age may we actually reach a stage when we are free from this naturally due to age and can die with a period of time where our thoughts are free from this. Short of this, we have to control our thoughts and struggle. However you do that that is upto you as long as it's halaal.

For me, its thinking about the pathetic nature of my infatuation, as well as the fact that women certainly do not think about us men as much. Why should we reduce ourselves to becoming slaves in our minds over them?

For others, it might be something else, trust in Allah to find them a pious spouse, hooris, jannah etc. Put your faith in women to satisfy your mental, physical and emotional needs and you will be disappointed, put that faith in Allah SWT and you will never be disappointed. Easier said than done however. Change the word women to people and if I could master that one statement I would consider it my objective in this life as a Muslim fulfilled since the crux of the issue is looking to others for happiness rather than looking to Allah SWT to make us happy. If we looked to Allah SWT with yakeen, tawakkul and hope, everything else will follow. The faraaidh, the sunnan and the nawaafil, tranquility in the heart and most importantly the pleasure of Allah SWT.

I know I did not answer any of your questions, but I figured as someone who is in the same position, I could share my thoughts, whatever little help they may be. I just get really frustrated with this aspect of my life and I request du'aas for everyone to put my faith in Allah SWT, and through it, open my heart to living every moment of my life with His remembrance constantly within my mind and heart.

Apologies if this came across as a rant/rude to women, it was not meant to be. It's just a particular weakness of mine that frustrates me more than all my other weaknesses combined.
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Old 01-09-2012, 09:11 AM   #2
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A repost from Maktubat e sadi by Hazrat Shaikh Sharfuddin Yahya Maneri



Control of Carnal Desires


The development of character and spirit, according to some, depends on complete extinction of carnal desires. This, says Makhdum, is not correct. He holds that the aim should not be to stamp out the desires of flesh but to put bridle on them.
Imam Ghazali too has explained in Ihya –ul-Uloom, that the reformation of a man does not require complete suppression of vices like anger, malice etc. but in subduing these natural propensities and holding them in leash. Makhdum’s treatment of the subject is inspiring and creates a profound impression on the readers.
He writes in a letter:

“He is an ignoramus and dotard who considers that the Shar’iah demands smothering of carnal appetites and natural instincts of man. He has not given thought to what the Prophet said:

‘Iam a man and sometimes I get angry.’ Sometimes his indignation became apparent on his face. That is why God loves those who ‘control their wrath’ (Q.III:134) and not those who do not posses that emotion at all. How can the Shar’iah demand extinction of sexual desire when the Prophet contracted nine marriages. If someone has lost his sex- urge, he ought to take medical treatment so that this natural instinct is restored.

For the loving care of one’s family members and children, anger over the enemies of God in fighting against them and preservation and propagation of one’s race, spring from the natural instincts man posses, even the apostles of God have shown eagerness for these. They longed to have their line of progeny unbroken. The Shar’iah only demands that these instincts should be kept under strict commands of the law. A hunter needs a steed and a well trained dog which go after the chase on his bidding.

That horse, if untrained, will throw away the rider and the wild dog will pounce at him. It is thus essential that the horse and the dog should be well-trained for hunting. So are the instincts of sex and anger needed for capturing the hereafter. But, your aids should be under your control ; for if they gain a control over you, your ruin is inevitable. That is why Prayer and penance seek to bring these under one’s command” (Letter.no.40)

duas..

wa assalam..
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Old 01-09-2012, 09:14 PM   #3
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Not at all - all that info that I've put is not at all needed except for title, author and publisher and perhaps any comment you may want to make, also all that sajawat is also needed, just download my file from that link, upload it back again to your account, delete all the extras and you are good to go you can do it few at a time...
shall think over.. insha Allah..
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Old 01-09-2012, 09:17 PM   #4
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As Salamu 'Alaikum dr76,
I forwarded that Hoor hadith to my friends; Masha Allah - they are excited.

Is that book available in English?
If you can translate some important hadiths from the book and post it here; that would be very beneficial for the youngsters.
In the recent times, we saw many SF threads from youngsters getting attracted to opposite sex & they were asking our advice


i dont know think if its available in english.. sure.. guess i can talk all night long about Hoors.. since wifey is off to her mothers place..
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Old 01-09-2012, 09:26 PM   #5
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For the urdu speaking brothers and sisters Dham ul Hawa by Imam Ibn Al Jawzi translated to urdu as Ishq Mijazi ki Tabah kariyan by Hazrat Maulana Imdadullah Anwar sahab db ( ustad Jamia Qasim ul Uloom, Multan) is a very beneficial read on this topic. i dont know if its available in english.

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Old 01-09-2012, 09:36 PM   #6
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i meant all sajawat is NOT needed, typo by me
shall think over.. insha Allah..
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Old 01-10-2012, 04:22 AM   #7
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What on earth does that mean???? Wa Alaikum Assalam wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh

To say someone is like an angel on the outside and a devil on the inside is an English saying - a metaphor.

I'm surprised you find it difficult to understand its meaning.

It refers to the fact that someone may look good on the outside appareance, but they have a bad soul - their evil is not yet visible as their good manner and youthful beauty cover it up. They are often like an apple that is rotten on the inside but beautiful on the outside - you don't find out what they are like until you actually taste them.

I am currently attending university and am in a similar situation to you. Someone else mentioned nicely that there is always one girl that stands out of the crowd. And another (maybe the same) mentioned it's easy to get infatuated with a girl you don't know as you are oblivious to her faults. During this past year I have come to realise that I have been deluding myself and wasting my time pining over this girl. When I really sit down and examine my feelings, it's downright embarrassing. Whenever I relapse and start to think about her, I try to restir those emotions of mine of embarrassment and the pathetic nature of my feelings.

We men spend so much time thinking about women it's quite (my vocabulary seems limited tonight) embarrassing. As young men we think about women, as we grow older we think about them in marriage, as we find marriage is not the dream we imagined we go back to thinking about other women we see. Only if Allah SWT blesses us with old age may we actually reach a stage when we are free from this naturally due to age and can die with a period of time where our thoughts are free from this. Short of this, we have to control our thoughts and struggle. However you do that that is upto you as long as it's halaal.

For me, its thinking about the pathetic nature of my infatuation, as well as the fact that women certainly do not think about us men as much. Why should we reduce ourselves to becoming slaves in our minds over them?

For others, it might be something else, trust in Allah to find them a pious spouse, hooris, jannah etc. Put your faith in women to satisfy your mental, physical and emotional needs and you will be disappointed, put that faith in Allah SWT and you will never be disappointed. Easier said than done however. Change the word women to people and if I could master that one statement I would consider it my objective in this life as a Muslim fulfilled since the crux of the issue is looking to others for happiness rather than looking to Allah SWT to make us happy. If we looked to Allah SWT with yakeen, tawakkul and hope, everything else will follow. The faraaidh, the sunnan and the nawaafil, tranquility in the heart and most importantly the pleasure of Allah SWT.

I know I did not answer any of your questions, but I figured as someone who is in the same position, I could share my thoughts, whatever little help they may be. I just get really frustrated with this aspect of my life and I request du'aas for everyone to put my faith in Allah SWT, and through it, open my heart to living every moment of my life with His remembrance constantly within my mind and heart.

Apologies if this came across as a rant/rude to women, it was not meant to be. It's just a particular weakness of mine that frustrates me more than all my other weaknesses combined. Problem is that you both have to go to a mixed sex educational institution and are at an age where you would historically be married but cannot get married due to the constraints of the modern world.
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Old 01-10-2012, 06:10 AM   #8
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Jannat ki Hooren Ma'a Maut ka farishta by Hazrat Maulana Fazl ur Rahman Rasheedi sahab db
page:22





Introductory sketch of the Hoor

Hafiz Ibn al Qayyim while mentioning about the beauty.. physical features and virtues of the Hoor in his book Hadi al Arwah gives the following introductory sketch..

“ ( the wives of the pious men of Allah in jannah would be) voluptuous.. of equal age such that the stream of youth flows through their organs.. Countenance charming as of roses and apple.. full bosomed.. shining teeth set like strings of pearls.. and of slim waists..

The beauty of their face would be as if the sun revolves around them.. with a smile emitting radiance in-between their teeth.. and when she would appear before her beloved.. just like two rays of light converging.. of which you may speak whatever you wish..
How shall I describe the moment.. that when she would converse with him.. what do you assume of the talk between two lovers..?

And when she would embrace him... how do you comprehend the entwining of two swaying twigs..?.. and the person would see his face in the outline of her countenance as if looking in a mirror.. Whose brilliance is clear.. and he shall see the marrow of her ankles through flesh..

A sight unrestrained neither by her skin..bones or her garments..

contd..
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Old 01-10-2012, 06:19 AM   #9
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If this damsel were to throw a momentary glance at this world.. then it shall fill the expanse between the earth and sky with fragrance..
And the creation would exclaim in Thaleel.. Takbeer and Tasbeeh of Allah ..
Such that it would make everything from east to west resplendent.. and eyes would cease to see anything except her..

And the sun would appear dim in her presence just like stars are dimmed before the sun.. that everything present on the face of the earth would accept faith on Allah ..

And the scarf covering her head is better that the world and all that it contains…
Of all the highest desires that men of jannah would posses shall be to consummate with her…
She would be clean and devoid of any child birth.. or menses.. or nasal mucous.. saliva.. urine.. feces or any other filth..
her youth shall never fade nor her clothes get worn.. nor would she ever recede in her beauty and grace.. nor her fragrance repulse at conjugation..

Doubtless that she would limit her gaze only to her husband.. and shall not look at anyone besides him.. and he would also restrict his sight only to this woman.. since this damsel would be the epitome of his desires..

If this man casts his look at her.. then she would readily make him happy.. and she would obey when ordered by him.. and when he departs away from her .. she would guard her chastity..thus she would remain with him in everlasting desires and joy..

contd later

wa assalam..
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Old 09-02-2012, 07:23 AM   #10
peakyesno

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Wa Alaikum Assalam wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh

To say someone is like an angel on the outside and a devil on the inside is an English saying - a metaphor.

I'm surprised you find it difficult to understand its meaning.

It refers to the fact that someone may look good on the outside appareance, but they have a bad soul - their evil is not yet visible as their good manner and youthful beauty cover it up. They are often like an apple that is rotten on the inside but beautiful on the outside - you don't find out what they are like until you actually taste them.



Problem is that you both have to go to a mixed sex educational institution and are at an age where you would historically be married but cannot get married due to the constraints of the modern world.
I understood it was a metaphor, I just didn't like the matter of fact way you applied it to a woman you yourself know nothing about. It could be this beautiful angel is also an angel inside. Rather, it would have been better to say as I sort of quoted another brother in my post that not knowing the person we are hidden from there flaws and this only aids in our infatuation.

I understand what you are saying, and I agree with you, I just disagreed with the matter of fact way you said she was a devil.

~

Unfortunately other than fasting there is no way to overcome this problem. I don't see the mixed educational as too much of a problem in all honesty, it helps no doubt, but even when I am home for months on end where I don't see any women at all who aren't mahram I still find it difficult to to control it. Even fasting seems to have little effect, though it does help slightly.

Sometimes, I wish Allah SWT would just remove this aspect from me. It kills my self-esteem, makes me feel pathetic and weak. The negative image it creates serves to detriment me in other aspects of worship which have nothing to do with these desires but are a result of my perception of my self which is a result of this weakness, thus, indirectly, it has a bad effect elsewhere.

Besides, it isn't like once I am married I will be sexually fulfilled and content. Once I might have thought that but the more I heard about marriages the more I realised it isn't a bed of roses, for which I am thankful. I am currently witnessing a marriage fall apart due to expectations of fairy tales followed by severe disappointment and things spiralling out of control and am glad if I ever get married I won't delude myself into thinking my problems will be solved.

Not to mention I don't believe my intentions for marriage are completely pure or correct, or that I have the right mindset. Over time, as my fairy tale mentality met reality while simultaneously I became more interested in Islam, my approach to marriage has become more negative as time has gone passed. I now see much of it as a chore and an unnecessary struggle, the efforts of which could have been better used elsewhere. I have been gifted with a good mind alhamdulillah (I request du'aas for Allah SWT to further increase the strength of my mind and heart) and I would love to dedicate its usage to learning about the deen and teaching it. I feel marriage and the hard work needed to make it successful would put a severe damper on it. I already struggle to make time for Islam in between going to the masjid for the prayers (which take up a proportionate chunk of time, more than I expected), essentials, maintaining family ties and friendship and the biggest time killer of all university which would be later replaced by a job. Due to such commitments my knowledge and implementation of it and spreading it is excruciatingly slow. Before when I never used to pray etc I managed to shoot through 6 months worth of the shariah program in only two months. Since I started practicing (not complaining about this of course) I have managed to get nowhere further and have had to go and recap before moving forward with the program. I intended to quite university and go abroad and try to become a scholar but due to my family situation I have decided to continue studying and get a job to get rid of out mortgage. Point is, I now see marriage as another thing that will require a lot of effort and time and don't feel it's healthy going into a marriage with such thoughts. Especially having witnessed and lived in the same house as my brother, see the time and effort they spent on dealing with their problems for almost two years only for it to now, currently as we speak, more or less agreed on divorce.

The only three reasons why I don't give up on the idea of marriage are

1). Due to the emphasis the sunnah places
2). To deal with what I discussed in my last post
3). Children

Regarding the second I know better than to expect everything will be ok once I am married. Neither do I want to go in with that expectation only to be disappointed which would have mental backlashes on my psyche. I find it easier to deal with knowing I have no halaal outlet and thus find it easier to live with my desire, rather than having a halaal outlet and not being satisfied. I feel this would lead to resentment and make it much more difficult to deal with.

The stern hadeeths about those who don't marry without good reason is the only thing which keeps me from rejecting the idea as well as the prospect of raising pious children.
However, my mentality and the issues and unfair (on my would be wife that is) detrimental emotions I may harbour towards my spouse make me not look forward to growing older when the time comes for my parents to search.

I realise there is waswasa here and that's a big problem. It seems to me my problem is shaytaan telling my this aspect of mine which I feel is particularly stronger than in normal men will never really be fulfilled to the extent that even during Ramadhan when he is on vacation this belief or fear if you will has stuck with me. Thus, after all that, I return to the crux of the issue which is giving more weight to that my beliefs and fears rather than tawakkul in Allah. A bad opinion or lack of trust in Allah SWT or the fear that He will continue to test me in this matter in marriage as He SWT has outside of it which I feel is just short of kufr and a sure way to invite Allah SWT's displeasure but that is the way I feel.

Which is why, ultimately, I would rather I was purged of this aspect as I would not exaggerate to say many of my deficiencies in religion stem from my psyche which has been shaped by this and allow me to dedicate my life to learning and teaching about Islam as other unmarried (for whatever reason) scholars did before.

~

What a rant that was. I intended to reply to you quickly and here I am, I think 50 minutes later still thinking, contemplating and typing. Maybe it's like the therapists say, just talking about your issues helps you, whether the person listening gives any advice or not, thus birthing many call centers dedicated to just listen to you talk about your problems who are prohibited from offering advice. Or maybe the therapists say that just so they can get more hours out of you and charge for them!

Apologies if I ranted and made no sense or gave offense. None was meant. Quite often, I get in a state when I allow myself to dwell on this. It hasn't affected my self-esteem well and as a result by talking about it and given the late hour it is, I probably rambled on and on and came off sounding like some overly-sexed hormonal teen. Sometimes I think what a starving african teen or a teen in somewhere like syria who was witnessed his family massacred would say when hears about my petty problems.

I thank Allah SWT I am not those teens. If I can't cope with something as silly as this, I would not have lasted in those conditions. May I learn to be grateful for the many blessings Allah SWT has bestowed upon me, and not worry about that which I do not have. Ameen.
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Old 09-02-2012, 07:29 AM   #11
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get a dictionary and look up the word "maybe" and what it means and then re-read my post.

I certainly did not say anyone was a devil and I don't know how you could have understood the following to mean that.

Allah knows best about her brother.

Maybe on the outside she looks like an angel but inside she is a devil.

Do you have a sister who you can get to befriend her and encourage her to come towards Islam? would anyone ask him to get his sister to befreind a devil?

mixed sex education is a big problem according to Islam brother.

discuss your thoughts about marriage etc with a learned Muslim in private and he will help you InshaAllah.
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Old 09-02-2012, 07:57 AM   #12
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get a dictionary and look up the word "maybe" and what it means and then re-read my post.

I certainly did not say anyone was a devil and I don't know how you could have understood the following to mean that.

would anyone ask him to get his sister to befreind a devil?

mixed sex education is a big problem according to Islam brother.

discuss your thoughts about marriage etc with a learned Muslim in private and he will help you InshaAllah.
There is no need to be patronising. I understand what maybe means.

I read it as: Maybe on the outside she looks like an angel, but inside she is a devil.

I should have read it in my head as: Maybe, on the outside she looks like an angel but she is a devil.

Amazing how reading it in your mind with the comma/pause in the wrong place can completely change the intended meaning. The fault of that lies on me however and for that I apologise. I should have reacted better.

~

My point about mixed education was not it's problem in Islam. But what my point was doesn't matter anyway, since if I really scrutinise, then somewhere down the line mixed education certainly paid an effect on my mentality so actually my original point no longer applies.

~

It's difficult imagining that would help. I believe I don't suffer from a lack of knowledge but rather a lack of implementation/trust. Nevertheless, that is the best course of action. My problem is who and courage. There are two imaams I could approach, but I lack the courage. To reveal this aspect of myself which I have guarded for so long is not easy. And I fear it would stop me from going to events at those masjids or meeting them afterwards out of shame and embarassment. Even having a rant on a forum where noone knows who I am took a great deal out of me. I feel embarrassed replying to this thread, let alone having to do this in life.
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Old 09-02-2012, 08:05 AM   #13
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don't feel embarrased brother. We were all young once and many of us have no doubt experienced what you are talking about.
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Old 09-02-2012, 08:11 AM   #14
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don't feel embarrased brother. We were all young once and many of us have no doubt experienced what you are talking about.
Until I grow a backbone and do what you suggest, please do duaa for me and the brother who has kindly not objected to my hijiacking of his thread, as well as for the rest of us.
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Old 09-02-2012, 08:13 AM   #15
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brother I will make du'a that Allah makes things easy and good for you both, and you certainly haven't hijacked the thread.
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Old 09-02-2012, 02:47 PM   #16
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I'm curious to know this.. and I feel awkward asking this to a imam or scholar.. If you like a girl on earth.. who is a Christian.. and you really like her.. But because you fear God and you choose not 2 speak 2 her.. because you believe in Oneness of Allah.. and believe in the Divine Messengers of God from Abraham , to Moses, and Jesus and Muahmmad (Peace be upon them all) ... and no matter what you wont change that belief for any one.. and also you never tell the girl that u like her.. so you avoid her and stay away from her.. but you really like her.. and respect her.. and want her to be happy no matter what.. can she be my wife in Akirah (after life)? I mean if a person who does good deeds and does what he is supposed to.. I mean is this possible.. I am curious to know.. :/
Make life simple.... your not even sure she wants to be with you or not all that part about her being your wife here and in the akhirah comes way afterwards. Go ask her / find out what she thinks . From there on move on .... The answer is either yes or no either way life goes on.
I know its difficult to do , some men are even more shy and sensitive then women.

Which makes life for men who are not like that more interesting ....

I once asked a girl if she wants to marry me ... she got flabbergasted took too long to answer , so I said maybe you deserve someone better then me.( that really meant your not good enough for me too ) . That made her even more upset. Regrets .... regrets

And believe me most of the time you think your in love but really you are not .... its your 'mojo' acting up ....
It takes some time for men to understand what love is.

You won't find answers from threads ... go live your life with all that comes with it , good, bad and the ugly.
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Old 09-02-2012, 04:11 PM   #17
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pg.24.


Moreover, this woman has never ever been touched before either by man or Jinn.. whenever he would raise a glance at her she shall fill his heart with joy.. and when spoken to.. she would fill his ears with scattered pearls.. and when she appears.. palaces and mansions are filled with noor..

And if you inquire about her age.. then she would be in midst of equal age and youth.. and if you ask of her beauty..then have you not seen the sun and the moon.. and if you question about her eyes.. then in clear whiteness and beautiful blackness..she is a ravishing hoor..

And if you ask of her height.. then have you ever witnessed beautiful swaying twigs.. or if you inquire of her raised bosoms.. then she is well endowed..akin to impeccable pomegranates.. and if you ask of her complexion.. it is of coral and rubies..

If you inquire of her good character then she is of Khairat hisaan.. a fusion of both inward and outward beauty.. thus she is a joy in both aspects and coolness for eyes..

And if your ask of her comely behavior with husbands then she would be the one to
Giggle a lot.. soft in her relations.. enticing love that is mixed with the spirit..
So what is your opinion of this woman who when she laughs.. brightens up the jannah..

contd..
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Old 09-02-2012, 04:19 PM   #18
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page:25


And when she moves from one palace to the other you shall exclaim ‘oh the sun is switching between towers in sky..’

What shall be the scene when she would appear before her husband…and what to speak of her embrace… how can I describe the joy of her proximity..

Translation (of couplets)-

Her speech is enchanting casting a legal spell..
only if she wouldn’t kill the muslim who survives ..


if the conversation prolongs then she wouldn’t drag to boredom.. and when she speaks the listener wishes she never shortens her talk..( such that she would go on conversing and i remain satiated with her)

and when she would sing a melody.. what subtle pleasures would the eyes and ears derive.. that if you make love and benefit from her.. how marvelous shall it be..
and when she plants a kiss.. then nothing would be so gratifying or if she guides to hold something .. then nothing would be so pleasing and enjoyable..

Translation: Hadi Al Arwah

contd later

wa assalam..
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Old 09-02-2012, 04:32 PM   #19
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so dear brothers.. what use are the haram desires of this perishable world when Allah has promised such great rewards in the hereafter.. how can even a prettiest christian girl ever equal even the most ordinary Hoor of the herafter.. just lower the gaze.. feel the pleasure of imaan and u have booked a hoor already..

on a lighter note.. listening to the bayan of Hazrat Maulana Tariq jameel sahab db.. said he once delivered a talk on Hoors.. and later while making wudhu someone approached him from behind and asked softly.. " Hazrat of the Hoors u just mentioned .. how many are there altogather.." hazrat asked him why ..said " if they are few then all the ulema and mashaikh shall get them.. then what are we left with "

shall continue later with more pages

duas..

wa assalam..
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Old 09-02-2012, 08:36 PM   #20
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on a lighter note.. listening to the bayan of Hazrat Maulana Tariq jameel sahab db.. said he once delivered a talk on Hoors.. and later while making wudhu someone approached him from behind and asked softly.. " Hazrat of the Hoors u just mentioned .. how many are there altogather.." hazrat asked him why ..said " if they are few then all the ulema and mashaikh shall get them.. then what are we left with "..
That was great. Mashaa Allah, you made a muslim brother laugh quite a bit with that story, may Allah SWT reward you for this and the great work of posting the translations, its proving beneficial alhamdulillah to ease what comes in this life in anticipation of the next.
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