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Old 06-27-2010, 03:56 PM   #1
Leaters

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Default My FIL is angry and worried about our APBT
My husbands parents are in town from Florida. They are in their mid and late 70's and only come up to MI about once a year. Since they are old folks we like to see them as much as we can and keep things positive and peaceful. We always try to keep in mind that they are from a different generation and differences of opinion aren't worth arguing much over since we know that due to their advanced ages we could be seeing them for the last time.

This visit they are staying with an Aunt and her family just a few blocks from where they both grew up and lived til retirement. We drove out to that city to meet them so that our son could go see Toy Story 3 with them and we could all go out to dinner together with some other family afterward.

My husbands mother knows we have 2 dogs and that they are an AB and an APBT. My husbands father knew almost nothing as he doesn't approve of dogs as housepets or pretty much any other animal. I wouldn't say he is a dog hater, but damn close. Normally, when he comes to our house, we stay upstairs and I have the dogs crated in the basement family room in the interest of keeping the peace.

Yesterday he found out from my MIL the breeds of dogs we own and he actually told my husband..his own son..that he will no longer speak to him until he gets rid of the Pit Bull.

He says that according to the Judge Judy and a couple other such shows he watches, Fox News channel accounts and newspaper accounts Pit Bulls are dangerous and vicious animals. He said that he knows our dog is going to attack Duncan or some neighbor child.

I tried to explain to him that the media sensationalizes for headlines, often gets the breed wrong, that Pit Bulls do better on the ATTS standings than many other breeds, that they are NOT bred to be human aggressive, that the bite stats are often from unreliable sources and inaccurate etc etc. I also explained that a lot of the dogs he hears of that attack are likely poorly bred and poorly owned. I even offered to put him in touch with my trainer and my vet.

He even went on to say that "these dogs get excited to go out the door and if they see something out there and will turn to their instincts and attack a the nearest person".

He was quite pissed when he went on and on about the danger to the neighbor kids across the street and to my nieces and nephews and I told him that the neighbor has a APBT of her own and that my sister and brother have 4 between them.

I went on to say that his son loved him and that we don't know how long he will be with us, that losing a parent is very hard and that I don't want my husband to have the last time he saw his dad be a fight. I asked him to please either do research and educate himself or agree to disagree. We went in to the movie and to dinner with the rest of the family, but he didn't say a word and the goodbyes were strained and cold.

I hate that this is causing such a strain, but I can't deny my dogs, how much I love them or the truth behind the breed. I can't make nice with a person who can give such an ultimatum and who refuses to learn, think and form an opinion after researching a topic so close to home both personally (our family) and politically ( he votes and BSL is a hot topic in FL).

At least my MIL doesn't believe the hype (sortta) and I don't think the rest of the family does either as we talked dogs a lot over dinner.

The hubby wants to take the dogs to meet the in laws today since they are leaving tomorrow. I say don't bother since the man has no desire to even give it some thought.

ARRGH! I am so angry and frustrated. The things he was spewing about the breed just made me so..so... I saw red. *sigh*Especially coming from a man who literally couldn't tell the difference between a Pomeranian and a Mastiff he is so ignorant about dogs.
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Old 06-27-2010, 04:14 PM   #2
ziIReIGS

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You guys are grown and FIL doesn't get a vote. Control freak much? People like that will ALWAYS find something they don't like and insist you change it for them, but it's not his home. If someone in my life refused to speak to me over something as trivial as a dog breed, I'd wash my hands of them on principal, even my own parents.
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Old 06-27-2010, 04:32 PM   #3
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1. I dont care if that dude from another generation, APBTS were in their PRIME back then.

2. I see it this way. I have my OWN family. if my MIL or FIL or parents or grand parents or anyone else im related to says some shit like that, i will wave bye bye. anyone who says something like that to me seems VERY immature and has no place in this household.
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Old 06-27-2010, 04:56 PM   #4
Gremlinn

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The hubby wants to take the dogs to meet the in laws today since they are leaving tomorrow. I say don't bother since the man has no desire to even give it some thought.

ARRGH! I am so angry and frustrated. The things he was spewing about the breed just made me so..so... I saw red. *sigh*Especially coming from a man who literally couldn't tell the difference between a Pomeranian and a Mastiff he is so ignorant about dogs.
Sorry, but IMO from what I have read the man doesn't have ANY thoughts. I have a relative like that too, the only thoughts or ideas they ever have the media gives them.

The key word on this entire issue is in the last sentence of your post: ignorant.

You are adults, you chose to have the dogs, you did not chose to have either of your parents. The question I would ask given the old man's response is why you didn't just boot them the hell out of the house when he started his shit? But that's just me, respect doesn't come from a title and I don't care if it is mom or dad, if they can't behave better they don't deserve any. Anyone who is a guest in my home that started acting like that would be shown the road.
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Old 06-27-2010, 05:12 PM   #5
Leaters

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I know, I know. Normally, there would have been some very unpleasant words. Its just that these are very old people who will die soon and they aren't my parents.

My parents would have had a nice loud debate over some food and beer and we would have had the dogs there and either opinions would have been changed or they would have said "Ah, hell, you're grown and not stupid so lets just drop it".

My husbands family is waaay different. Very reserved, very not affectionate. They aren't loud and boisterous and there is no forgiveness for a passionate opinion. Hell, I am pretty sure they don't understand passion at all. So, there would be no time to heal a rift before they die and I try very hard to play peacemaker even if it is against my nauture because of that.

The hubby was going to just leave, but I left him talking to his mom while I went and tried to reason with his dad. It was a total bluff, I know. He knew I would play diplomat and act as a buffer so that he could at least spend time with his mom and the boy could see his grandparents.

I really honestly think I have come to dislike the FIL. Hubby says I am being too harsh as he is just concerned for his grandchild and only going by what he was told. To my way of thinking he should research from reputable sources (including us) and form an opinion after he has more information rather than be spoon fed what he thinks from the freaking headline grabbing fear mongering media.

Thank all that is good in the world they live in FL and only come once a year. I think next year I will be skipping out on the visit altogether and use the time to spend with my dogs.
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Old 06-27-2010, 06:30 PM   #6
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The old man is 70. If he chooses not to speak to his own adult son because of a dog, that is his decision and his alone to live with.
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Old 06-27-2010, 07:45 PM   #7
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The old man is 70. If he chooses not to speak to his own adult son because of a dog, that is his decision and his alone to live with.
Exactly. If he really wanted to continue a good relationship with your hubby, and your family, he wouldn't be so close minded, and wouldn't let a dog come between you all.

That's my biggest problem with old people. They're crotchety, hard headed, and will always be convinced that they are always in the right, and there's no way to convince them other wise.

He probably just wanted something to complain about.
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Old 06-27-2010, 07:56 PM   #8
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That's my biggest problem with old people. They're crotchety, hard headed, and will always be convinced that they are always in the right, and there's no way to convince them other wise.
/soap_box_on

What I have observed (and numerous comedians have made routines out of) is the fact that SOME of the elderly abuse their age to pull things like this because people adopt the "they are old and don't have much time left so we need to be nice to them" attitude. I'll be nice to them IF they prove they deserve it, if not I may just help speed up those "final years" with all the extra stress I can cause them.

Personally I don't give a damn how old or young a person is, manners are manners and this crap that age gives someone the right to not have any and us "youngsters" are supposed to accept their ill behavior out of "respect" is total horse manure.

/soap_box_off
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Old 06-27-2010, 08:07 PM   #9
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/soap_box_on

What I have observed (and numerous comedians have made routines out of) is the fact that SOME of the elderly abuse their age to pull things like this because people adopt the "they are old and don't have much time left so we need to be nice to them" attitude. I'll be nice to them IF they prove they deserve it, if not I may just help speed up those "final years" with all the extra stress I can cause them.

Personally I don't give a damn how old or young a person is, manners are manners and this crap that age gives someone the right to not have any and us "youngsters" are supposed to accept their ill behavior out of "respect" is total horse manure.

/soap_box_off
As long as grandma keeps those tasty oatmeal cookies coming it's all good.

I totally agree with you though.

Funny thing is, the side of my family who thinks my APBT is going to eat me, the only one who defends my choice and the breed is my grandma. But she's one of the only people in the family (aside from me) who branched out from golden retrievers and has owned APBTs, boxers, and a few mastiff mixes.

Respect begets respect in my opinion.
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Old 06-27-2010, 08:44 PM   #10
Leaters

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Well, the hubby and son were supposed to go see them this afternoon. They called to tell us not to drive in the bad weather (a few t storms) and wait until it passes. Cool. They also said they would have come out to us since they are north of the fast moving storm and could basically follow the tail end of it here, but they are now refusing to come to the house...ever. I am good with that decision.

I hope I never become so old I don't listen to the younger people. I also hope my opinions don't become so hardwired that I can't learn anything!
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Old 06-27-2010, 09:09 PM   #11
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Thank all that is good in the world they live in FL and only come once a year..
Then what's the problem?

Tell them you appreicate their concern and will consider their request...

Carla
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Old 06-27-2010, 09:11 PM   #12
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That is really sad for your husband and son that he is willing to cut off contact over this. You did the right thing by just asking him to agree to disagree or do some research. You have a responsibility to your animals and he has proven by pulling this crap that he is not worth ignoring those responsibilities for.

Does he think that not talking to your husband is going to make your vicious unpredictable beast not attack anyone? How the hell is not speaking to him helping the situation? That is so frustrating.

I hope that he upholds a relationship with your son. My great grandparents just passed a couple of years ago and I only met my great grandfather twice and never met my great grandmother. They didn't come around or answer our calls because of some conflict that happened before I was born. I had an amazing relationship with my great grandparents on the other side of my family but they passed when I was very young. It sucks wondering if I could have had that with them if I weren't rejected for something that didn't involve me. I imagine it would have been worse to be rejected after having known them. I hope your son doesn't have to lose a grandfather over his closed mind.

---------- Post added at 03:11 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:10 PM ----------

oh and BTW they lived 5 minutes down the road.
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Old 06-27-2010, 10:28 PM   #13
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Its amazing how much people (of that generation especially) buy into what the media says. They think anything the "news" says is 100% hard facts. I work at an assisted living facility and talk with the residents about my dogs any chance I get. Usually they ask me what kind of dog you have and as soon as they hear american "PIT BULL".. they dont even let me finish.. I get responses like..
From the old ladies: "Oh honey, you need to get rid of that thing right now, they're very dangerous." "Those things will get a hold of you and wont let go because their brain swells and they go crazy."
and from the old men: "The only good pit bull is a dead one." "Only thugs, (insert racist word here) and drug dealers have pit bulls."
I take this time to give them a quick, simple run down of the breed.. usually their attitudes are I'm right and you're wrong. But atleast I've planted the seed in their mind. Haha.
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Old 06-27-2010, 11:13 PM   #14
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I'd be hurt if a family member attacked one of my dogs like that. I'm afraid I'd pick my dog over my family member, as I'd rather have the love of my Pit then that of a cranky old relative.
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Old 06-28-2010, 12:15 AM   #15
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I would have said to the FIL then you do not see your grandchildren because you are not respectful of our family (but the MIL would be aloud since she was not) I would definitely sever ties to anyone that is that ignorant, to think the news is 100% true and all that, mostly someone that lived through the 50s 60s and 70s when the pit bull was not the dog that turns on owners and all that...I hate people that have this closed mind and never listen. I am greatful for my parents that I can talk to them, they might not agree but they always do the agree to disagree they would never take a trivial thing like this and make it into a ultimatum.
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Old 06-28-2010, 12:44 AM   #16
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I don't watch tv. Haven't for over 5 years. Being a non-tv-watcher, I find it extremely interesting how people willingly allow themselves to be "brain washed" by the media. The behavior isn't even passive, these people actively seek out television and would not know what to do without it. Suddenly, there is no longer a world safe for exploration to these people, there is an evil and dangerous world which is much safer to be viewed by a screen in the livingroom.

Scary. Really fucking scary.
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Old 06-28-2010, 01:39 AM   #17
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I don't watch tv. Haven't for over 5 years. Being a non-tv-watcher, I find it extremely interesting how people willingly allow themselves to be "brain washed" by the media. The behavior isn't even passive, these people actively seek out television and would not know what to do without it. Suddenly, there is no longer a world safe for exploration to these people, there is an evil and dangerous world which is much safer to be viewed by a screen in the livingroom.

Scary. Really fucking scary.
Yes it is, as I said in a comment that I made in the News section the media has through sensationalized and exaggerated reporting quite often with absolutely 0 checking of the facts (or total disregard of known facts because they can spin a better story without them) created an atmosphere of hatred and fear amongst their ignorant viewers/readers. Yet they will accept no blame or responsibility for doing so running to hide behind the first amendment should they be called out on it.

Call it brainwashing, propagandizing, editorializing, whatever you want, to me what our media does is no different than my shouting "Fire" in a crowded theater when there is no fire. I would end up in jail for doing so, maybe we need to start locking up journalists and reporters.
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Old 06-28-2010, 02:38 AM   #18
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I don't watch tv. Haven't for over 5 years. Being a non-tv-watcher, I find it extremely interesting how people willingly allow themselves to be "brain washed" by the media. The behavior isn't even passive, these people actively seek out television and would not know what to do without it. Suddenly, there is no longer a world safe for exploration to these people, there is an evil and dangerous world which is much safer to be viewed by a screen in the livingroom.

Scary. Really fucking scary.
The government uses the media in this way to hide what they're really doing (news worthy stuff) from the masses. During the big gay marriage debate a few years ago, we lost a lot of our gun related rights because everyone was up in arms about the gays getting married, and GASP getting the benefits that come with it.

It's truly terrifying. It's a big reason why I'm planning to go off the grid within the next 5-10 years (when I can afford to get my own large isolated property, build on it, fortify it, and live off it. And stock up on guns of course!).
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