[yatrahnualenu]

Turns out I'm not as ready as I thought. So I went and met several dogs today and none really were what we were looking for. A lot of the older dogs they weren't sure if they were good with kids, and the puppies were really cute but none really clicked.

We also dropped off Troubles stuff. And when we left I had a total breakdown. I realized any dog I were to get at this time wouldn't be good enough, because all I want is Trouble. I feel so much guilt over Troubles death. I really feel like I killed him. Everyone says that it was the right thing to do and that it took a lot of courage to do what was best for him. But to me it feels like I was holding a loaded gun and I was the one that pulled the trigger. I know he was sick and I know he wasn't getting better, but I keep thinking if I hadn't let him eat this or If I had done that or I had found a better vet. I feel so responsible for his dealth that the only thing I have felt for a month is guilt and anger. And all that came out today and I could see that when I had my little emotional breakdown. A lot of buried feelings I think surfaced today. He wasn't even 3 yet.
I realized that if I were to get a dog it would basically be to fill the void left by Trouble and to some how be playing make up. And I'm afraid, even though I wouldn't mean to, that I would find myself comparing the new dog to Trouble.
So its definately too soon.

And my gosh what was I thinking I just got done with the puppy stage, I don't think I'm ready for the chewing, the barking, the whining, the pooping, the peeing, etc. I love puppies but I love my well trained adult dog even more. I really wanted another dog but its obviously not the right time.

So for now I am going to hold off, it seems I have a lot to deal with and get past. But instead of calling it a breakdown, maybe we should call it a breakthrough. I do look forward to bringing another dog into my home, especially for when my daughter is older and able to help and learn about being a responsible dog owner. But for now I think I'm an content to just have Sasha. I think it just took me going down there to realize I wasn't ready.

[Vedun*]

Take your time, we all need time to grieve. You'll know when you're ready and if not, your next pet just may find you.

I've never had a pet that I didn't feel a connection to the minute I saw it. Like there's a little rope around your heart and they're on the other end tugging on it. Pretty much gets me every time .

[poRmawayncmop]

Awww... Take your time and go slow.

[SallyIsNice5]

I'm sorry. Take your time and grieve and then look for another dog when you really feel ready. There is no rush. You will know when you're ready.

[yatrahnualenu]

Thanks. I don't think it really hit me how I really felt until today. I really don't think I've even taken the time to grieve. I think I felt that getting another dog would be a way to make up for what happened to Trouble. I know Troubles death was out of my hands, I know he was sick. I've put down dogs before, but he was only 2 1/2 years old and I think its different when they are so young. I'm just glad I saw this before I brought home a dog I wasn't ready for. I'm sure I would have connected with any or all of those dogs if I had truely been ready. When I didn't I knew. I think I kind of went in there expecting to find Trouble.

Thanks guys for putting up with my craziness. Talk to you in a few days

[KLIMOV25gyi]

Aww, SBT, I know you will make it through and find the right dog for you when you are ready.

I was at that weight pull yesterday and looking at those awesome dogs and started thinking "Hmm, maybe I could buy a pup from a nice SBT breeder and do weight pull.." Then I remembered the pup stage and almost curled up into the fetal position to suck my thumb,lol. Some part of me is really happy that we have to wait months before getting a SBT pup and some part really wants one now. I have to keep telling myself it will happen when its right.

[VINPELA]

Then I remembered the pup stage and almost curled up into the fetal position to suck my thumb,lol.

I go through this weekly lol.

SBT- glad you are taking it slow, you can't rush a good thing and it sounds like you still need time to grieve.

[yatrahnualenu]

Aww, SBT, I know you will make it through and find the right dog for you when you are ready.

I was at that weight pull yesterday and looking at those awesome dogs and started thinking "Hmm, maybe I could buy a pup from a nice SBT breeder and do weight pull.." Then I remembered the pup stage and almost curled up into the fetal position to suck my thumb,lol. Some part of me is really happy that we have to wait months before getting a SBT pup and some part really wants one now. I have to keep telling myself it will happen when its right.

LOL totally understand that feeling of Horror. I love dogs and I want another dog, but I'm so not ready the puppy stage. But I'm not ready to take in an adult either that could have potential behavioral problems and most likely will need potty trained and trained, might as well get a puppy if I'm going to have to go through all that anyway.
I prefer getting a puppy and training it up right from the beginning personally. But I think yesterday really openend my eyes I was looking for a dog for the wrong reasons.

[QualityReachOut]

When you're ready...your next dog will find you. You'll know.

[poRmawayncmop]

Ha Ha! that's so true!