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for what's it's worth, i like it ......

[AdipexAdipex]

The Defense

Nose tackle: Police chief Clancy Wiggum: "Think you can escape Springfield's long arm of the law? It just so happens I lead the team in tackles -- um, of the stadium's donut maker. Yeah."
Defensive tackle: Jeff "Comic Book Guy" Albertson: Why did CBG report to camp 40 pounds overweight? "Worst. Offseason regimen. Ever."
Right end: Mayor "Diamond" Joe Quimby: Definitely not the player he was in college. "But the thought of chasing groupies at the team hotel motivates me to stay in some semblance of playing shape. By the way, that information is, ah, strictly off the record."
Left end: Bumblebee Man: Unparalleled ability to fly around the line and sting the quarterback. His pregame meal? "Dos huevos, por favor!"
Middle linebacker: Kodos the Alien: Numerous tentacles provide fearsome run-stopping ability. "Run, puny human! And if you should elude me and find the end zone, my death ray will eradicate all life as you know it on this planet -- which means you shall surely miss the playoffs."
Bonus: His super-hearing abilities allow him to hear what's going on in opponent's huddle.
Strong side linebacker: Patty Bouvier: "My signature tackling technique includes giving a knee to the groin that's undetectable to the on-field officials and the replay booth."
Weak side linebacker -- Selma Bouvier. Considered the less valuable of the twin sister combo due to reputation for taking plays off. "They really hate when I take plays off for my on-field cigarette breaks."
Cornerback: Sideshow Bob Terwilliger: Not the fastest CB in the league, but giant clown feet allow him to make up space fast. "Fortuitously, my astonishing football IQ and masterful knowledge of trigonometry from my studies at Yale guarantee I always take the correct pursuit angle." Is quite a cutup on the team plane for his one-man performances of the Gilbert and Sullivan catalog.
Cornerback: Sideshow Mel: Just as talented as his CB counterpart, but always overshadowed by Sideshow Bob in Pro Bowl voting. Football can be a tough showbiz, sometimes.
Free safety: Otto Mann: "Free" also describes his state of mind of this school bus driver in the secondary. "Whoa! Sometimes I miss the snap because I'm still jamming on my air guitar to the gnarly stadium anthems playing over the killer sound system." (Style note: Wears his hair cascading out of his helmet, a la Troy Polamalu.)
Strong safety: Moe Szyslak. Analysts agree he's not the speedster he was now that he's in his 12th season in the league. "Good thing I make no bones about sticking a shiv into the kidney of opposing receivers. Eh, most got it coming, trust me."

The offense

Center: Barney Gumble: Trivia: Barney invented the celebratory Gatorade bath. His inspiration came when he overheard two teammates who wanted to spray their coach from the tap of the locker room keg. "Whoa, guys! I gotta better idea ... *BRAP!* ..."
Right tackle: Captain Horatio McAllister: "Argh! Sometimes I misjudge down and distance because of me instinct to calculate in nautical yards. Sad, but true."
Left tackle: Rainier Wolfcastle: "I promise on my life to protect da quarterback's blind side from linemen, terrorists, alien invaders, exploding fireballs and poor opening weekend box office receipts."
Right guard: Raphael the Wiseguy: You know that middle-aged jerk who holds a million different low-income jobs just so he can walk on during a scene no matter the location and fire off a sarcastic remark? Usually refers to people as "pal-ly" or "boy-o"? Basically, we're giving him the same job here. For example, whenever a play gets busted up, the Wiseguy can walk over and offer remarks such as "Nice audible, fatso!"
Left guard: Duff Man: "Duff Man's ability to refer to himself in the third person makes him quotable media darling! Duff Man's pelvic-thrust celebration dance makes him a mainstay of SportsCenter highlights! Duff Man's inability to remember snap count penalizes team into many third-and-20 situations! Oh, yeah!"
Wide receiver: Carl Carlson: Is philosophical about his lack of touches compared to pal Lenny. "If I'm open, I'm sure the quarterback will get the ball to me. It's a team sport, I'm just trying to play my part in my own small, quiet, competent way."
Wide receiver: Lenny Leonard: Has repeatedly warned the offensive coaching staff both in private and in the media: "If I don't get my touches, I'll kill you all in your sleep."
Tight end: Snake Jailbird: "Don't mind me whenever I sneak into the end zone for a touchdown. I'm just the latest and greatest in a parade of renegade pro tight ends out of the Miami Hurricanes' program. 'Canes are awesome!"
Quarterback: Homer Simpson: Battles frequent attacks from critics as to his intelligence -- an opponent was once famously quoted as saying, "He couldn't spell 'D'oh!' if you spotted him the D, the apostrophe and the H." But how has patterning himself after his hero, John Elway, paid off? "Well, so far, I've only secured the jersey No. 7. But I'll get to the mountaintop by my 15th year in the league. That's a promise!"
Fullback: Nelson Muntz: "Technically, I'm too young to play professionally. But since my ability to throw a block is second only to the permanent pain I can inflict on the shins of truant officers, I get in on the action. Haw-hah!"
Running back: O.J. Simpson: Well ... what's a Simpsons episode without at least one outrageous celebrity cameo?

Special teams

Punter: Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: "Oh, I see. Only the foreign man with the silly name can be the American football punter. Wait until my friends Garo Yepremian and Donald Igwebuike hear about this."
Field goal kicker: Groundskeeper Willie: "Acht! You'd think Willie earned this spot for his 'European futball' skills from me old country? In fact, the game plan is NEVER to have Willie make a field goal attempt. It will always be a fake, and it's Willie's job to start a rugby scrum as a misdirection while a teammate darts for the first down."
Holder: Cletus "The Slack-Jawed Yokel" Del Roy Spuckler: "Ya see'ums, I'm the only one on the team who doesn't mind if the field goal kicker misses the ball and kicks me in the head accidentally like."
Placekicker: Hans Moleman: Has a powder keg of a leg that can boot 70-yard bombs. Unfortunately, the same gust of wind that can knock the ball from the tee can topple the Moleman too.

Off the field

Owner: The Rich Texan: A spoiled, volatile first-year owner if there ever was one. "Sure, I treat the team like my own private Fantasy football team or toy chest. What else would be the point? YEE-HAW!!!" Still, he has a better football mind than the man he bought the team from -- Montgomery Burns.
"I grew disenchanted with the enterprise once I learned that the new taxpayer-financed stadium did not include a dungeon to dispose of taxpayers who insist taxes be used to pay for schools, roads, police and other such nonsense."
General manager: Waylon Smithers: Considered the league's sharpest mind when it comes to grading player personnel. "For instance, I can recite from memory each and every player's pants measurements."
Salary cap guru: Professor Frink: "To calculate the salary cap, I have invented this actual cap, which allows the brain of the wearer to instantly calculate salary escalators for the ensuing eight seasons. Unfortunately, some leakage of the cap wearer's brains may occur through the ear-areas. I'm -- ahoy-em! -- working on eliminating that."
Team physician: Dr. Julius Hibbert: The team is OK for home games, but Doctor Nick Riviera provides care on the road ... but that's just because Dr. Nick knows how to sneak past security to get into the locker room.
Coach: Seymour Skinner: "I'm such a strict disciplinarian, I make Tom Coughlin look like myself whenever I'm in the presence of Superintendent Chalmers. Especially when I'm in his presence during parent-teacher conferences. That's never fun."
Carrier of headset cables: Mr. Teeny, Krusty's Rollerskating Chimp: Hey, he works cheap -- one pack of Dutch Masters cigars a week.
Referee: Ned Flanders: "Of course, only the Lord can truly judge you. But by the power invested in me by the league office, I'm afraid I'm going to have to penalize you 15 yard-a-roonis for intentional ground-diddly-iddling! Now, where did my yellow hankie go?"
Chain gang: Abe Simpson and Jasper Beardley: Abe will sometimes doze during the third quarter, but Jasper is on top of things from beginning to end. But have mercy on the team that asks for a measurement but comes up short. "Didn't make the first down? That's a paddlin'."
Halftime entertainment: Disco Stu: His "Up with Stu!" spectacular has been a fan favorite for years. Until that one time his costume fell off and the entire nation saw his pierced nipple. "Oh! Disco Stu will not be invited to his own aftershow!"
Bookmaker: Fat Tony: We're not saying that he fixed last year's conference finals -- but it was suspicious that a game with a 3½-point spread ended with a final score of 23½-20.
Sports agent: Lionel Hutz: Loves to prove to clients that he's concerned for their well-being by bragging, "Hey ... I insisted that your contract includes language that guarantees you will wear a protective helmet every play that you're in the game. Who's looking out for you, baby?"
National anthem singer: Krusty the Clown: OK, this one's a gimme. They really did this in the Lisa on Ice episode in Season 6. We had to give props to a classic bit.
Concessions: Squeaky Voiced Teen: "I'm proud that by selling $12-a-cup beers I'm able to justify my $3-an-hour salary, and provide team ownership with a much-needed, modest profit."
Play-by-play announcer: Kent Brockman: "They'll never let me be the color analyst again, after that time I used my platform to denounce Katie Couric's work on the CBS Evening News."
Team mascot: Spider-Pig: In honor of the funniest part of the movie trailers we've seen, we've got to salute Homer's new pet:
"Spider-Pig! Spider-Pig! Does whatever a Spider-Pig does. Look out! He is a Spider-Pig."
Yes, these are your 2007 Springfield Spider-Pigs. Give 'em a hand!
Because if Spider-Pigs don't whet your appetite for Simpsons and pigskins, I don't know what will.


Source.