oh god oh god oh god how much more?
 

I have just found his profile on 2 different dating websites! Initially I found one that he confessed to but said he had never used it. I have just found him on a men in uniform website guessed his password correctly and changed all the information to how he is engaged and shouldnt be cheating and then I changed the password, I texted him and said I had found out, got no reply so I have phoned him and it was switched off. I emailled him and said I think it should be him in therapy and not me and perhaps he is a sex addict. I have now switched off my mobile and unplugged the house phone, now I am just waiting for the fall out, he will probably have dumped me by tomorrow!

Why wait for tomorrow? Dump him now.

hi. I posted on another thread of yours and I hope you read it. Please do. In the interim, I will say that i am very concerned that you are in a downward spiral. I see that in your subject you say "oh god oh god oh god" and that phrase speaks to the pain and anxiety you feel right now. That pain is understandable. And I am here to tell you that it is also manageable. And more than that, you can overcome it. You truly can. There are many others on this forum that can speak to that point. There is happiness after betrayal...

It really is time for you to reclaim your life...that is, you need to regain control of it. You appear to be very reliant on your partner for your emotional well-being and I think that puts you at risk because he has shown you that he is not concerned with your overall wellness. Right now you need to be your own best advocate. And if you fear that you are too tired...too worn out from the pain of his betrayal, perhaps you can rely on family, this forum, a church / social group, your doctor, a friend, etc. Putting yourself first doesn't mean doing it by yourself.

And you dont' have to climb mount Everest today. All you have to do is (a) commit to loving yourself, and (b) take the first step of your new path (no matter the size). The first step could be planning your exit strategy, ensuring it is a safe one. It might be talking to a lawyer about your legal rights. Maybe it is calling a friend and asking if you can stay with her for a few days while you consider what your next steps are. In any event, all you have to do is commit to taking control of your life....and take the first step. It all starts with that very first step, no matter how big or small.

I know that I felt so overwhelmed when I first discovered my husband's infidelity. It was rough...but somehow I knew that all I had to do is take a tiny step...I just had to manage one step at a time...and that made the process less overwhelming. I wasn't ready to climb mount everest...but I was damn well ready to love myself.

I hope you are able to love yourself. It is almost as if you don't know your mood until he acts ... you don't know if it is a good or bad day until you see what he's been up to. There is a better way to live. I know that there is a joy filled life for you...and I want you to claim it.

KitKat

This relationship is toxic to your mental health. You will never get better if you keep torturing yourself with his behavior. Listen to KitKat. You need to take care of yourself. Love yourself. Once you do that, you will realize you deserve better than someone who keeps profiles on dating sites behind your back.

YES - that sums it up. The relationship is toxic.

Please, for your own sake hun, cut this man out of your life!! He's not going to change for you because he doesn't want to change. He's not going to change for anyone!!!

You've got to get out of it, it's so toxic you wouldn't believe. If the place you live in is yours, change the locks. Don't answer his calls. Make HIM wonder!

well he has phoned several times this morning which i have refused to answer, and then sent a few text messages swearing on his life he has never been on that site before. so we got into a bit of a text argument.

him; i have never been on that site before i swear on my life but my word means nothing to you. I thought we had agreed to put all this behind us.

him; answer your phone, dont ignore me i havent been on that site ever

me; i dont want to talk to you i am too upset moreso now you have just lied to me again, that was your email address and password for the account, the photo is recent was it taken at her house? it looks as though you joined up in march, well at least i now know you care as little for that plastic faced sl*g as you do for me. I dont want to talk to you, i have emailled you the page as prooof, use today to think about what it is you really want , i think a little therapy for you wouldnt go amisss, i think you are a sex addict for not just the act but also the attention, the danger and the lying and i do not deserve for you to keep treating me this way. you are obviously looking for something that isnt me, go away and have a good think.

him: someone is fu**ing with us, cant you see that? just like when she set up a fake profile for you on that other dating site. The password is the same one to turn my laptop on so she knew that, the photo was taken when I first arrived at my new job and needed an id photo. it was on my laptop she must have got it from there

me: in march she thought she had you all to yourself as i didnt know so she would have no need to set up a fake profile for you from YOUR laptop with YOUR email and password. THere are also messages sent and recieved on the account.

him: Well you dont trust me andyou never will, you cant put it behind you can you. I have never been on that site. Anyway what were YOU doing on a dating site?

me: I saw an advert on tv and my intuition told me to have a look, you and i both know i am no cheat so dont even try that one

him: im am not trying anything, i am getting sick of this, i am no sex addict and i am sick of having to explain myself all the time. I thought we had put all this behind us but it keeps popping up. I guess you dont want me to come home this weekend then?





He is due to come home saturday night til sunday dinner, as he does about every two weeks. I have not replied and have heard no more from him, he is obviously waiting for me to call his bluff which I wont.

This is a classic case of gaslighting. He is good. My advice, don't fall for it. And stop giving him all your evidence. Collect then confront.

Seriously, I've read all of your posts, and haven't felt the need to comment because the rest on here have done an excellent job of summing it up. I'm going to honestly tell you right now, you need to cut this cancer from your life.

It's not going to change, he's going to do what he wants, lie about it, and as long as you keep coming back there are no consequences. Do yourself a favor and leave him now.

yes gaslighting. right before i caught my ex cheating again, she mysteriously, decided to not go to work one day, even though she was in her ems uniform getting ready to leave right behind me.

i got to work and she text me asking if it was foggy where i was. i thought it was a strange question so i asked why. she sent me a picture of the road and said she was running late and was trying to be careful.

well, i happened to recognize a road sign in the pic that was 5 miles the opposite direction from her station. i called and asked where she was. she said 5 mins away from her station. i said "no youre not, i know where that sogn is and youre no where close. as a matter of fact your headed my way!"

she laughed and tried to play it off as a joke and told me i was "good, and have a good keen mind, but i was on my way to kiss you and then do some last minute christmas shopping."

sure enough her she pulls in to where my work truck is. she said she took half the day off to go buy me an extra present because she loved me that much. i didnt believe her and told her this. she then got angry and tried to tell me she was trying to be good to me and make up for her mistake and if i couldnt trust her then "this wasnt going to work"...

after i caught her cheating again about 5 days later, i saw on her cell phone history that this very day she got a call from the OMs work buddy right after she left from my work place. see, they knew i was watching the phone history, so they used this other guys phone instead that day. and also, wouldnt ya know it, on her way back from shopping, just 2 hrs down the road, she gets "lost" and is 4 hrs late getting back to work.

and oh yeah...i didnt get an extra christmas present lol...well not yet anyway, i could have aids or something thanks to her and not know it yet.

dont fall for the lies. cut this person out of your life now.http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...milies/mad.gif

Your example of text messaging between your husband and you is exactly the same thing my husband was saying to me about his being on dating sites and now trying to make me get past it and put it all behind us. They must all get their behaviour from the "cheaters manual".

They are very good liars and manipulators and will lie until they get their way and make you back down. Whenever I question my husband now about any of his other women or his cheating, he tells me I am crucifying him.

I am sorry you are living this nightmare. One year on I can tell you that the pain and anger is still there and the longer I stay the harder it is to leave.

Best wishes.

I have to agree with what everyone has had to say. He is just lying and trying to turn things around on you to make you feel like you did something wrong. My ex did that all the time. And dont give him all your evidence. My ex still doesnt know all the proof I have on him.

He is going to keep denying it, ask ppl to lie for him, anything he can think of to cover it up as long as you keep taking him back.

He is going to do what he wants when he wants. He did say something in one of the texts that you should listen to thought. "you dont trust me"
Think about it, you dont and you shouldnt.

My question is how can you stay with someone that you dont trust? I couldnt. If there is no trust there is no relationship.

Hope you can take the first step to your new life. Just know we are all here to help

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I agree with you, Freedom, about the trust...I got to where I didn't believe anything my ex said to me. The trust was gone and I realized that even if we were talking about groceries I would think to myself "I wonder if that is true?".! Seriously...I just started looking at him with disgust and seeing him for who he really had become..

And at one point I actually had been wondering if I could just stay with him even though I didn't trust him because I had lived with teenagers and I didn't trust them! Seriously, I was that sucked into his BS until I realized that he was saying only what he thought I wanted to hear. When I finally stopped telling him what to say or giving him guides on "how to make things right" he was speechless. He would literally say "what do you want me to say, what do you want me to do?". And I just watched thinking that he is like a mirror. Only a reflection of those around him and it changes constantly

I think he lost his soul to all those trashy pro$titutes and the underworld filth and decadence...