What would you do?
 

I’m curious on what every one’s opinion is on the matter. If you had some circumstantial evidence that a friend of yours spouse is cheating on them, would you say anything to your friend? I’m not talking actual proof, but stuff that doesn’t seem right.

Would you risk causing turmoil in their relationship over what could very well be nothing, or would you hold onto it and possibly help cover it up?

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Before I was married and cheated on I abided by the unwritten 'Code of Silence'. Everyone who knew me, knew I could be trusted with a secret. Cousins, colleagues and acquaintances would reveal their infidelity to me. I would keep my mouth shut.

Guess what that got me? Yeah, the same "code" applied equally to me. I, and they, would become accomplices.

Today I have a very different outlook on life. If I reasonable doubt and suspicions, or proof I tell the spouse. Only one of them was thankful and I lost a few 'friends'.

I'm not sorry for the losses. Remember the proverb: "Birds of a feather f*ck together." My life is better off FAR from people like this. I don't need them in my life. If a man or woman cheats on his closest ally in life, it is only a matter of time and opportunity before they screw you too.

Just my 2c.
R

EDIT: Oh, and these were people who were being cheated on. Some of them chose to be blind and "stuck together" only to discover the truth some time later.

For me, this is very situational. If it is a very good friend that I go way back with then I'm more likely to say something. If the friend is just dating and hasn't been in the relationship for too long, I'm more likely to speak up.

However, if I don't have a strong / longtime relationship with my friend and they are married, then it would take more than a hunch or suspicion on my part to say anything. I'd need something pretty solid, just out of fear that I could disrupt a normal relationship and possibly ruin lives when there's really nothing wrong.

Another wildcard is work. I'm not going to put someone's job at risk on a hunch. So if a couple are both working with me and I grow suspicious that one of them is cheating with another co-worker, I won't say anything unless I have difinitive evidence.

Take it from someone who has been with someone for 7 years and cheated on at least once a year the whole time. I cant tel lyou why I stay or why I allow him to do this to me. But I constantly found small, but questionable things that would indicate possible cheating. I always let them go, then would find out later, that he in fact was cheating. When things are good in the relationship, there isnt anything that should feel "not quite right". We have instincts for a reason, and usually they are right.

My best friend sensed that my H was cheating on me, and she didn't tell me. Something that she regrets to this day. My neighbors saw my H and my neighbor together, and I wish they had told me.

It seems that I was the last to know. If I had circumstantial proof, then I would ask the possible 'cheater' and let them know that if there was something up, then either they tell my friend, or I will. I would risk my friendship to tell my friend the truth.

I remember one of my neighbors coming to me about 4 years before my H's affair and she said, "You know, I would be upset if I were you that (my H) was at (wh0re)'s house almost everyday when he walks the dog. Doesn't that bother you?" I remember thinking, nope. They are friends and that's OK. I trust him. He would never cheat on me. Boy was I an idiot. Even though they weren't cheating back then, they ended up doing it 4 years later. stupid me.

I have had the opportunity 2 times and each time I told. I don't need anything hard, just my gut and my eyes. Body language is a dead give away.

i wouldnt do anything unless i had hard evidence.and even then i would get it to them without it being knowen it was from me

Depends on the evidence. My gut is yet to be wrong though, and when things don't add up, well you know the whole where there is smoke there is fire thing. if there is a way to bring it up without outright saying I think they are cheating, that may be the way to go. I wish someone would have told me. I wish someone would have said "you aren't crazy, I see it too". I bet I would have stayed if the evidence was weak.