[chuviskkk]

First let me state. I am not putting down the manners of Dominicans just making observations.

I have noticed that manners here are differnet than in USA.

I was always taught to open the door for others. Especially when their hands are full or older people.Here very rarely do people open the door for others. You try to get out a door with hands full, finally get the door pulled open, and then three people walk in ahead of you and your arms are full!

I was always taught to never begin eating at the dinner table until everyone was seated, especially the cook. Here everyone is done eating before the cook sits down.

I was taught to say excuse me when you have to walk between 2 people talking. I don't see that very much here.

I was taught to say please and thankyou always, even to the food servers. Here people say why should you say that when its a given that you appriciate something.

I never walked into someones house and grabbed the remote and changed the tleevision station that was on. It happens here alot.

When I leave someones home I try and take my glass and put it in the kitchen. Here they don't even look for an ashtray. Just put the ashes on the floor. And very few times has someone picked up after themselves.

People very rarely pull out the chair for a woman. But they do wipe of the bench for you when your sitting in the park.

Can't think of more right now but I just thought this was very interesting.

[DoctorBretonDen]

You must be around a different class of Dominicans than I have been around, I have had doors held open for me many times, held doors open for many people and thanked for doing so. My wife(Dominicana) always helps old people, carrying things for them, helping them across streets,...etc. I have always been treated with respect and have never observed the behaviors in someone's home that you are talking about.
I think what you are observing, correct me if I'm wrong, is the younger generation showing no respect for others. This is not just a Dominican things, but a worldwide problem. It is true that Dominicans in general arn't very polite when it comes to standing in line. Once when my wife and I were trying to get some info for a birth certificate in the goverment offices in Santo Domingo, we were, it seemed getting farther and farther from the front of the line. Then her cousin Alina shows up, grabs ours hands, and rudley pushes her way through and over people, yelling and cursing at people, and there we were up to the front of the line.

[WrigleyMike]

I tend to go with Bob on this one. There are rude people everywhere and here is no exception.

A couple of Jan's observations reminded me of some others: Some Dominicans, like many Spaniards, will not switch off the TV or at least reduce the volume when a visitor arrives at the house. The eating thing is true, but I put that down to cultural differences rather than bad manners. Also, I recently pointed out to my husband that it is not good manners to order for himself first at a restaurant...

But, in my experience, compared to Europeans, Dominicans and other Latin Americans are much more formal in their manners. "Usted" is used much more rigorously here than in Spain, where it is fading out of use. The equivalent of the Latin American practice of saying "permiso" before leaving company is practically obsolete in Europe. In my experience Dominican children are more polite, compared to European kids - so many of whom who don't bother to reply when you greet them, while their parents shrug their shoulders helplessly.

Dominicans are generally more courteous than people of most other nations... until they get behind the wheel of a car.

Chiri

[JakilSong]

Originally posted by Chirimoya Dominicans are generally more courteous than people of most other nations... until they get behind the wheel of a car.
Or are confronted with a line. Certainly not all, but too many, both male and female, do try to bull ahead of those of us patiently waiting our turn. I have made many friends while standing in line because when someone tries to jump ahead of others I always complain in a loud voice, push ahead of the offender, and continue to fuss until I am sure those who were ahead of the offender have their proper place in line.

[tomspoumn]

Originally posted by Chirimoya
There are rude people everywhere and here is no exception...
in my experience, compared to Europeans..... Chiri Anyone who's ever tried to get a beer in Munich during Oktoberfest or stood in a long grocery line in Paris, can well appreciate what you're saying. It can get downright nasty. Even the UK is slipping badly these days, but without doubt the sneakeast types are South Asians [Indians and Pakistanis - except AZB of course] who will pull almost any trick to get ahead [e.g., send their little kid to jump the line, then try to segue in behind them]. And while I have the microphone, the most arrogant are Africans in the passport line, especially those that just flew in First Class.

Like Ken I don't hesitate to call people up short and fast. No yelling or anything, but persist and make it clear the behavior is not acceptable.

All-in-all I honestly believe, without being nationalistic, that Americans and Canadians are generally about the politest people in either Old or New World.

I've got my flak vest on...and best to all, P

[evarekataVame]

Originally posted by pasha
[B]
All-in-all I honestly believe, without being nationalistic, that Americans and Canadians are generally about the politest people in either Old or New World.

P Well thank you so much. You are too sweet.

Hugs and kisses
Anna

[WrigleyMike]

Originally posted by pasha
[B]Americans and Canadians are generally about the politest people in either Old or New World.
...but then I joined the DR1 forums and my illusions were shattered!

Chiri

[chuviskkk]

Noty talking about driving here. There is no politness when a Dominican gets behind the wheel! But then I've had some stop so I can cross the street. So remember I'm speaking in general terms here.
I have had men open doors for me, pull out my chair, give me a drink before themselves. But yet, there seems to be a lack of something. I can't put my finger on it exactly.
I'm used to asking to please pass a plate of food at the table. Even if its just family around the table. I would be repremanded if I reached in front of anyone for a plate. Always had to tell my mom the food was good and thank her after a meal. Even when we ate soup had to spoon the soup away from you and eat it properly. I'm not saying that I use all the manners I was taught. I do drink milk out of the jug now. But if I have a guest I warn them that my mouth has been in contact! jajaja
I don't know, maybe its me, but even when someone says something in the street to me I have a hard time completly ignoring them. I at least have to smile or acknowledge them. Even if I have to tell them to leave me alone later. I just can't be rude.
I just have noticed that Dominicans are different. Not saying its bad, just different.
Still love this country!!!

[#[SoftAzerZx]]

Thanks, and welcome back, sweetie.

-Indie

[addisonnicogel]

I posted this 2 days ago, as an O/T response on the DOMINICAN WORK ETHICS thread.

Something I have noticed almost every single place I have gone.

Get on line....
Bank.
Movie Theater.
Super Market.
Go up to the bar, to get a new drink, because you got tired of waiting.
Paying a Utility Bill.

The people servicing you are the slowest moving people on earth!!!!!

And every single time I'm standing there, somebody walks in, and goes right to the front of the line!!!!!! It never fails to happen.
The look on there face, Like it's their birth-right, that they should not wait in a line. And while they are waiting for the person, who is actually getting serviced, to finish, so they can jump up to be next, they are always the ones, who complain the loudest, about how long it's taking!!!!!!!!!

I just picture that person at their job, moving even slower than the person, they are bitching about!!!!!!

Anybody else notice this?????

Thanks
Tim H. Since it did not even get a comment, I thought maybe it was just me, but after reading the responses here, I'm glade to know, I'm not alone!!!!!!

Also, the most rudest people I have met on this island, were always from Spain, they treat Dominicans like they still own them!!!!!!!

Thanks
Tim H.

[tomspoumn]

Originally posted by Chirimoya
...but then I joined the DR1 forums and my illusions were shattered! Chiri Now that I've stopped laughing you've got a very good point, but then it could be that the DR1 gene pool is pretty shallow....and our mommies didn't slap hands enough at the dinner table. Or something.

Best, P

PS - interesting comment in Timex's post about the Spanish acting like they still own Dominicians. Now that I think back on it, there were a lot of French in West Africa who acted that way. And the loudest, ugliest bunch of tourists I ever saw were Italians on a flight going down to Ethiopia. Maybe it's some sort of social/economic thing bubbling to the surface. Aww....who really gives a big **** anyhow?

[leyliana]

I think it depends on the class of person you are dealing with. It seems as if the Dominicans I have met are either on one end of the spectrum or the other regarding manners with no in-between. I still cant get over how incredibly polite some people are. I cant tell you how many people have asked me to their house or have said "on your next trip please stay with us for a couple of nights". These same people tend to be extremely warm, generous and hospitable. Much more generous and hospitable than your average American. Then there seems to be a high percentage of the populace who never learned the first thing about manners. Forget holding doors for someone behind you or respecting lines. Dont expect to hear "Thank you" or "Please". Music blasting, yelling when someone is right next to you, etc... And I hate that "PSSSSSTTTTT..." when someone is trying to get your attention. In the United States, I feel that the majority of people have at least been TAUGHT some social ettiquite...whether Americans choose to apply it depends. With Dominicans however, it seems that they are either extremely well schooled in this area or not at all. Saying "Please" and "Thank You", at the very least, should come naturally.
Larry

[drgshmcm]

Good points Jan and Timex

For Jan: Most of what you say is true for very un-educated people. In all my 4 decades + of good eating, nobody will get up from a table without saying"Buen provecho" to the other people. And nobody will come to the house at noontime without saying "Buen provecho" and then they will get the automatic response: "A buen tiempo" , and if they are hungry, they will sit down and eat. (At least at my house)

The use of "permiso" when passing between two people is normal and almost obligatory, unless the person is an animal. The lack of asking for "permiso" will be commented upon, and not nicely.

As far as table manners go, it sort of depends on just who you are eating with. Some do and some don't have manners, but there is a economic-social factor to be taken into consideration. this means that money does not breed manners but social position and money will probably have them.

And Jan? Honey, when you cross the street ALL traffic stops!!

As for lines? Well that has to be the #1 complaint I have, too. But, just like you all, I raise Cain and make snide comments until the person gets the idea and slinks away...

As for opening doors, I guess I have seen both ways, so it is probably a class thing again. Gumption versus no gumption.

As for clearing plates, I will guess that most of us have house servants, maids or cooks, whatever. Most middle or upper class families do. So to take a plate to the kitchen is unheard of. Now in the States or elsewhere servants have disappeared from, it's "fish or cut bait" as far as that goes. "When in Rome.....?"

And Chiri? I agree with you. One always orders for the ladies first, and then the men...way to go.

I don't know about the Spaniards being overbearing, but then again I am pretty much a home body. Around here, the seat of the Restoration Movement in 1865, I don't think it would go over very well.

Have a good day!

HB

[WrigleyMike]

HB makes a good point. In many households where there are servants girls as well as boys grow up without having to lift a finger, which does not equip them well for later life. In Europe/North America this is rarely the case, so most of us grew up having to do some chores from about the age of eight or nine, like making our own beds, tidying our rooms, helping in the kitchen, etc. so we do not consider these activities to be beneath us. I think that is also why people throw litter, the attitude is that there is always someone to clean up after you.

On the question of ordering in restaurants, it is not just the rule that ladies go first: in a group situation the person dealing with the waiter should ask everyone round the table what they want, before ordering, regardless of gender.

If I do have a gripe about Dominican social skills, it would be conversation skills. I have encountered this situation everywhere I have been, but I seem to come across it more here, across the social and educational spectrum. Very often people do not let you speak, and if you are allowed to it soon becomes clear that they are not listening. Some conversations are more like a series of parallel speeches where the speakers are only interested in listening to their own loud voices. I often have conversations where it ends up being at total cross purposes. This is not a language problem, my Spanish is 95% fluent, indeed I have heard the same complaint from non-Dominican, native Spanish speakers living in this country, like an Ecuadorian friend who sometimes felt she was speaking another language judging by the blank looks she would get from some people.

Chiri

[tomspoumn]

Originally posted by Chirimoya
If I do have a gripe about Dominican social skills...very often people do not let you speak, and if you are allowed to it soon becomes clear that they are not listening. Some conversations are more like a series of parallel speeches where the speakers are only interested in listening to their own loud voices. I often have conversations where it ends up being at total cross purposes. At the risk of being skewered, this rings a familiar note re some of the DR1 threads....

Best, P

[WrigleyMike]

Originally posted by pasha
At the risk of being skewered, this rings a familiar note re some of the DR1 threads....

Best, P Unintentional, but true...

Chiri

[XarokLasa]

I have to agree with Timex about the Dominican line-jumping problem. I recently got off a plane in Miami and headed towards Immigration. A couple of Dominican women that I noticed on the plane, walked nonchalently up to the front of the line to become next before the Immigration officer. It started a ruckus, with people shouting and the security guard came over and made the Dominican women go to the back of the line. The women never apologized and thought they could just walk in front of 20 people who had already been standing there for 30 minutes. Unbelievable.

[Fetowip]

Originally posted by Larry (ILoveDR)
And I hate that "PSSSSSTTTTT..." when someone is trying to get your attention. In the United States, I feel that the majority of people have at least been TAUGHT some social ettiquite ... whether Americans choose to apply it depends. With Dominicans however, it seems that they are either extremely well schooled in this area or not at all. Saying "Please" and "Thank You", at the very least, should come naturally. Larry, it took me three years to get up the nerve, but after waiting for 1/2 hour to be noticed by a waitress for a refill of some wine at a bar in Cabarete a month or so ago, I got her attention with a very Dominican "PSSSSSSSSST!"*. Don't hate me! LOL! Doesn't matter what anyone thinks because I know most folks here think I am rude anyway just from my tirades against a few commie-pinko-leftist posters. Too bad! So sad! :: laughing ::

Seriously, I just think lots of folks just don't teach their kids manners. I mean, that's like work right? Can't have that! See the other threads on Dominican work ethic. Hell, that's an oxymoron that'll fit right up there on the shelf with plastic glasses, jumbo shrimp and military intelligence.

I have had this conversation many times with Alba, and it's just low class folks who don't take the time to learn from their parents or educate their own children. I get very angry when I am speaking with someone and am interrupted - continually - by someone who thinks he has the right to butt right into the conversation for example. Same as jumping in line. Or having no respect for your (fill in the blank) books, furniture, appliances, etc. If these were our kids doing this they defnitely would, and do, get a swat on the butt or a poke in the head for behaving that way. It's not acceptable to us and we won't tolerate it for an instant.

Unfortunately here if you mention to the parents that theyb really need to put their children on a leash until they learn some manners, the response is usually something like, "No fuí yo!" Yeah. Like it's everybody else's fault right?

Tom (aka XR)

P.S.
Go Vikings! 5-0 Baby!

*Why do Dominicans never pronounce the letter 's' in all their words? Why do they say 'ma' instead of 'mas', 'do' instead of 'dos', and 'refreco' instead of 'refresco'? Hmmmm? They're saving all their 's's to say 'Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst' at the cute little waitress, or chica en la calle!

[addisonnicogel]

With XanaduRanch!!!!!!!!

Tom (aka XR), has hit the nail on the head!!!!!!!

Where is CrissColon when I need him!!!!!!

Thanks
Tim H.

[chuviskkk]

Once out with friends I waited forever for a beer. Just could'nt do the psssstt thing. I gave eye contact, held up the bottle,and nothing. So I stated to my friends(all dominican mind you) that I should open a school to teach service. They all got offended! They said that this is the way of the country. After a year here I learned to psssttt...but only when necessary ,and got service fast.
If someone psssttted me in USA I would ignore them for sure but here I guess its the way to do things. Even when people psssttt me in the street I didn't look before, but now I do. And of couse I psssttt right back. I remember the first psssttt I heard, thought a tire was loosing air. I looked at the car near me and then realized it was a human psssttt. I turned and waved and they had no clue what to do!
I guess you have to be Dominican a little when you live here and adjust your way of thinking somewhat.