[libertiespana]

Woah - i suddenly realize that I am a "senior" member. I don't feel like I deserve the title...like I'm not together enough or something. I struggle. daily. I hurt. And I"m still a newbie.

But I think I help, too. A little bit, here and there.

And I think that my hurt and my honesty about my hurt might help people. At least I hope it will. I kinda think I'm on a journey...and it's painful and I wish I didn't have to do it, but DAMMIT I'm going to do it. Because the alternative is just being stuck in a stagnant hell.

I don't know what my future holds. But I do know that tomorrow morning I have an appointment with a therapist. The fact that I have an appointment (my first) means that I am MOVING along in the right direction. I'm no longer completely immobilized. God. At one time I was immobilized. IMMOBILIZED. Sure I worked, but I was a zombie and I was INcAPABLE of making a decision, or even attempting to add one more thing on my plate because it took ALL my energy (every ounce of it) to breathe. How I managed to go to work each day, I'll never know.

So for anyone reading this who is, at this moment, incapable of movement...know that you're gonna get there. After the tears and the panic attacks (or whatever hell you are in right now) passes, you are going to be able to breathe without pain and you WILL get on the road to recovery.

I am sure (100 percent positive) that I will struggle and fall. But I"ll share it with you all (and you'll support me and give me some of that straight talk when I need it). And, even though I know I"ll fall...I"ll get back up.

So...senior member. hmmmm. Well. I guess so.

KitKat

[VonErmad4]

true Senior!
That was a great post.

You have helped many here sweetie and you deserve the title. With that attitude you are going to be fine. and when you aren't feeling fine, well then we will be like it is suppose to be in a family...some of us will sweet talk you and some of us will kick you in the boootay!!

But all of it with best wishes and love!

[Mypepraipse]

Welcome Senior,
You earned it. Your on your way to becoming a survivor. You may already be there somewhat,. Thanks for all your help.

[RayFairhurst]

This is a bandwagon that none of us wanted to jump on, but being a senior member means you held on through the bumps, your hands are calloused from holding onto your sanity with all your might, and your azz has bruises from the kicking you got to hang on. Welcome senior!

[libertiespana]

haha. IT's true. My azz is bruised. lol

[Mypepraipse]

ahh, but bruises heal. so does the heart.

[lE3l6Lgn]

I know how you feel, I share your feelings on being a senior member myself. I'm not sure I'm actually helping other people or helping myself.

[libertiespana]

Oh. You just helped me. I LAUGHED (and this was a day that I needed a laugh)!!!

I get exactly what you are saying and I often feel the same way. And, really, I guess it is okay that by posting we are helping ourselves as well.

[rNr5Di3S]

KitKat I haven't posted much, but when I did and you replied it really helped me. Plus all of your other posts I have read are awesome. You are doing a great job of helping others. I can tell you are a strong woman and you are a great example.

[libertiespana]

Halfpositive: Thank you. It is good to hear I've helped you in some way. I"m glad of that and I hope you continue to move towards wellness and healing! We've been dealt a tough hand, but not an impossible one. We've got support on this forum - thank goodness.

[Mypepraipse]

Quote:

[libertiespana]

Foresakenman - you've helped me.

And Skirt - god - you have been a godsend to me. Even in your posts to others. I love how you just CUT right to the most salient fact or bit of advice.

Thank you

KitKat