[VewCoorkPow]

I am interested to see what you guys think of this situation and am also interested in what you folks here practice in terms of kindness to others… anyway… allow me to provide you with some facilitating material:

I’ve always had the philosophy that if you are kind to others, you will be rewarded in the smile you get in return and the knowledge that you made someone’s day better. Also, if others a kind to you I always believe in rewarding that kindness. That may seem old fashioned but it’s what I’ve always done.

For example, my lunch break every day… the girls at the shop always treat me so nice and always give me a discount, and always have a chat with me which I really enjoy. The manager says to me one day that she never gets a chance to have a coffee break these days, so I decide to spontaneously surprise them the next day by giving the 3 of them a large coffee out of my own pocket. They are blown away by this and it lightens up their day, and in turn it lightens up mine.

The girl who I get breakfast off every morning at work always gives me the nicest smile which can turn bad morning into a good morning instantly… so one day I show my appreciation of her kind gestures and give her some chocolate for Easter to say thank you for every morning. Once again, every ones a buzz!

BUT… there are some exeptions:

I get my coffee from the same place, every day, to the point where I got to know the girls who work at the coffee place very well, and even the manager. In fact, we got to know them so well that every time I would get a huge discount, and occasionally a freebie. Once again, this act of kindness is not in vain; for Easter I bought them all a nice big box of Easter chocolates (it was not cheap but I figured it was a nice thank you). Also, I did a few favours for some of them (work related favours). Anyway, one of the girls, despite knowing that I usually get a discount refuses to do so and always charges me full price. Now ordinarily I would be “fair enough”, if it wasn’t for her chewing on one of my chocolates at the time! After about 3 weeks of her being rude and blunt to me for no real reason (despite the kindness of all the other employees) they ALL start charging full price again. Now I am not one to act selfish… so I was fine adopting to this, but I did, however, need to ask why, that’s all. So I send an Sms to one of the girls from the coffee place saying something along the lines of “has this girl got something personal against me? I just want to know because her attitude is always very unwelcoming… anyway, she sends back a scathing message saying “look, we cannot keep giving you those kind of discounts you know, there’s nothing I can do about it”. I was thrown back by this, not because of what she way saying, but because I have no idea where it came from. At first I thought the manager was cracking down or something (fine by me), but I know the manager probably the best of all…in fact he was the one who encourage the girls to give me freebies.

I stew over the weekend, and come back on the Monday after ready to put it all behind me and pay whatever I have to pay because as I told the girl, as long as I got to talk to my friends there I did not mind at all… BUT, apparently the girl who I sent the sms to told everyone there that I was being a ******* for demanding they continue to discount (which I was not) and now they all think I am a jerk!

Why is it that even though some people in the world will teat others so kindly and take good gestures with open arms, and some people just can’t accept that you are just being nice!?

Now it’s safe to say I will not go back there again. I mean, as I said above, for whatever reason I would not have minded paying full price again. I just wanted to know why the sudden change of heart in their attitude… instead, they reacted by calling me selfish and deceptive just for showing kindness and appreciation. Basically, all my gestures of appreciation in return for their kindness were completely forgotten.

This does not really dent me though…I am not bitter about it, just disappointed. I think that one girl perhaps had a complex and assumed I was only being nice to score discounts, and that I had some kind of hidden agenda. Well they can think what they want, they lost a customer, and they lost a friend. I am all for showing appreciation when people are kind to me, but I don’t respect people who are incapable of showing appreciation for my own acts of kindness. It’s just plain rude.

Has anyone ever has their own acts of kindness frowned upon or looked upon with skeptic eyes?

[seodiary]

Can't say I have had similar experiences, but... Why not just go back? I personally believe that a good deed does not have to be rewarded: that the deed in itself is reward enough. It confirms to yourself that you're a good person.

Now, perhaps you don't get along with everyone there anymore, and perhaps they don't give discounts anymore, but don't you think you could at least keep the friends you've made?

[VewCoorkPow]

You're right. It only happened within the last couple of days so I guess I am just bitter about it.

But still, even though I agree with you that good deeds don't need to go rewarded, I personally always make an effort to reward them anyway. But for some reason some of them turned my thank you into a negative somehow, that sparked this random behaviour. I'm not saying that giving them something for easter was my way of doing a good deed that I expcted to be returned... it was actually my way of saying thank you to their good deeds. I never expect to be treated better foor being kind to people... but I also don't expect to be treated worse.

[TornadoPD]

The thread title doesn't seem too accurate, since you go ahead and list a whole bunch of people who seem to appreciate your efforts just fine. But still, the coffee folk seem weird but meh, that's coffee folk for you.

edit: You not going back there would just seem to confirm the rumour, though. You'd want to go back in and tell folk what's what. It could after all just be an unfortunate case of chinese whispers going on.

[Loxaeed]

Why do you have the phone number of the girl that works their?

[VewCoorkPow]

Becuase she gave it to me.

[extessarere]

Becuase she gave it to me.

Sounds to me like she probably wanted a date! A girl doesn't give you her number because you buy lots of coffee. The discounts were probably because she liked you. When you didn't ask for a date, she probably thought you were only being nice to get the discounts, not because you liked her (which she apparently thought).

She probably got pissed at you and told the other employees about the situation, so they all became jerks to you.

[BinasiDombrs]

Becuase she gave it to me.

Well obviously she wanted to receive something a bit more savoury than a box of chocolates from you... she didn't so she's taking it back to you...[yes]

[VewCoorkPow]

Well obviously she wanted to receive something a bit more savoury than a box of chocolates from you... she didn't so she's taking it back to you...[yes]

Sounds to me like she probably wanted a date! A girl doesn't give you her number because you buy lots of coffee. The discounts were probably because she liked you. When you didn't ask for a date, she probably thought you were only being nice to get the discounts, not because you liked her (which she apparently thought).

She probably got pissed at you and told the other employees about the situation, so they all became jerks to you.

Now there's something I did not really think of. Man... it's annoying, I mean I just wanted to be nice like I am with everyone. It's not my fault she thought there was more in it. ...but I don't think it's her... she did once ask me what I thought of one of the other girls working there though.

[VIDEOHITE]

Now there's something I did not really think of. Man... it's annoying, I mean I just wanted to be nice like I am with everyone. It's not my fauly she thought there was more in it.

Man that looks quite obvious to us. [yes]

However, if that is not the reason, then it goes to show that human nature is suspicious of ones motives for kind jestures.

I would keep on going, and if the girl is a hottie ask her out and to find out the true reason. If she says yes you could give her some 'special' kindness

If she says no then you know the reason was the other, and if so then who cares what what they thought your motives were. The relationship goes back to neutral both sides.

Lol, this is funny tho. [rofl]

[masterboyz]

*Clunk*

...as the last piece of the puzzle drops into place.

Doh!

[VewCoorkPow]

Man that looks quite obvious to us. [yes]

However, if that is not the reason, then it goes to show that human nature is suspicious of ones motives for kind jestures.

I would keep on going, and if the girl is a hottie ask her out and to find out the true reason. If she says yes you could give her some 'special' kindness

If she says no then you know the reason was the other, and if so then who cares what what they thought your motives were. The relationship goes back to neutral both sides.

Lol, this is funny tho. [rofl]

I have a girlfriend and they all know it. So that kinda rules out that approach.

I'm just not really comfortable around them anymore... I mean, sure it should be okay going back there like nothing happened... but I just feel like an ass becuase if the way they alienated me, and life's too short to put up with that kind of attitude from people. Besides there are plenty of other coffee places with plenty of other girls around town (but none make the coffee I want ).

[Misiotoagodia]

seems to me that you come to expect somthing in return so your gifts ect are not actually acts of Kindness more like acts of getting a freebie/discount.

although your first gesture may have been but now its just a front to why you really do it.

[Frannypaync]

I think the problem was that you didn't offer to stir her coffee with your swizzle stick.

[JennaJJxoxoxo]

I'd just keep going there and paying full price. Keep smiling and being nice. If they start giving you discounts again, next holiday get them another box of chocolates, otherwise just keep getting the coffee you like for full price.

[arreskslarlig]

If you get freebies/ discounts that's cool. But if they stop you don't go asking why, as that just looks like whining. You may not have meant it that way but it will have appeared like that.
Don't do it again I guess, lesson learned.

[VewCoorkPow]

seems to me that you come to expect somthing in return so your gifts ect are not actually acts of Kindness more like acts of getting a freebie/discount.

although your first gesture may have been but now its just a front to why you really do it.

Not at all mate... my whole dissapointment, if you read carefully (and I don't think you did) is my surprise for their sudden foul reaction to me. Sorry if you didn't understand properly.

As stated before, I am all for wanting nothing in return (that's the whole point)... but being treated like crud for no real reason (and remember I did not ask why they stopped being generous, I asked if that one particular girl had a personal issue with me, becuase her main issue was she was always very rude towards me for no reason, especially when I tried to be nice).

Also, I agree that in this instance it probably would've appeared like whining... but still asking why someone is being rude to me for no reason hardly warrants this kind of retort, and I dont understand how they coud've come to that conclusion.

[Frannypaync]

Also, I agree that in this instance it probably would've appeared like whining... but still asking why someone is being rude to me for no reason hardly warrants this kind of retort, and I dont understand how they coud've come to that conclusion.

Its also rude from a customer service standpoint. No discount - completely acceptable and understandable. Rude employee - not acceptable. When you work in a place like that you have to keep your attitude and manners in check. Its part of your job. If I go somewhere regularly and they hire a new person who is rude to me I'll make it known and if it doesn't stop I'll go elsewhere. I can live with my order being messed up, but rude employees are something I don't tolerate. Mistakes just happen, rudeness takes effort.

I still think someone started a rumor about you. You did mention the fact that they're female.. and women are known for spreading rumors. Men beat each other with clubs and grunt, women talk behind your back. Also, unlike men women will stand up for each other. Men just point and laugh.

[siflversonemunk]

My concern is how much do you spend on breakfast, lunch and coffee every day?! [shocked]
Living in Sydney is expensive enough with out all the extras.

Getting back onto topic, I think the girl wanting a date idea sounds feasible. But like you said, that is not your intension's as you do have a gf. Perhaps the sms approach wasn't a good idea, because to me that seems sort of slimy, asking why you don't get discount. You should have just let it go, and then as you keep going back just try and figure it out, or they might eventually tell you in passing.

If the girl gave you her number (wanting a date) and you smsed her about discount, yeah I can understand why she would feel a bit used and now everyone is not so nice to you.

[Misiotoagodia]

I dunno then perhaps you are a real 100% bonified nice guy then.

off topic slightly:

I dunno about you guys but if someone was being overly nice to me I would be some what suspicious.

I would be like "oh yeah what you after"