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**Shemker394** · 07-27-2011, 08:50 PM

Ethel. Oh Ethel, Bumbles, Beast, Buddha Dog.. I don't even know where to begin.

You're ridiculous. You've always been such a reserved, quiet, inconspicuous animal. You either think you're still the 9 pound puppy who could fit anywhere when I got you, or the 110 pound (or more, you act like you're bigger) monster I have the dubious pleasure of feeding and cleaning up after.

You were a dumb puppy. DUMB. You were a fat 9 pound fuzz potato who was incapable of anything. You were slow to grasp commands until your endless hunger started to kick in a few weeks after we got you. During your growth spurts we had to take 5 steps back in potty training, to let you out every 2 hours or you'd crap in front of the garage door. You've eaten me out of house and home. You gained 15 pounds a month. I could literally have you sit in front of me and I swear I could see you getting bigger. You're stubborn as hell. You bark at stray cats that walk by the house. When you sleep in the bathroom and I come in to pee, you jump up and fly out like you're being chased by Satan himself.

You catch bugs, are obsessed with small animals, you get long white hairs EVERYWHERE and leave hair tumbleweeds all over the house even after you've been brushed. I find them in containers I opened 5 seconds ago, in my eyes, I pulled one out of my ear the other day. You're a real possessive bitch when it comes to dogs outside of your circle coming up to me. When you meet a new person, or see an old one, your first reaction is to ram your snout into their crotch. You freeze up and throw your weight into your collar when you find a smell you like and don't want to keep walking.

But you're the regulator. The dog who will drag other dogs away when things get too rough. The one who's not afraid to plow over other dogs, or pop them in the face with your huge paw because even though you mostly watch from the sidelines, you know you're in charge of those turds. Furthermore, you just know you're awesome. Any shouting matches that go on, anytime someone's feeling down, your head is under their hand and you're looking up as if to say "Hey man, it's not that bad, Look at my jowls!".

You're a hell of a dog. It's a shame dogs your size don't live longer. I have to thank those Beethoven movies for convincing me I needed a Saint Bernard.

07-27-2011, 08:50 PM	#14
Shemker394 Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 416 Senior Member	Ethel. Oh Ethel, Bumbles, Beast, Buddha Dog.. I don't even know where to begin. You're ridiculous. You've always been such a reserved, quiet, inconspicuous animal. You either think you're still the 9 pound puppy who could fit anywhere when I got you, or the 110 pound (or more, you act like you're bigger) monster I have the dubious pleasure of feeding and cleaning up after. You were a dumb puppy. DUMB. You were a fat 9 pound fuzz potato who was incapable of anything. You were slow to grasp commands until your endless hunger started to kick in a few weeks after we got you. During your growth spurts we had to take 5 steps back in potty training, to let you out every 2 hours or you'd crap in front of the garage door. You've eaten me out of house and home. You gained 15 pounds a month. I could literally have you sit in front of me and I swear I could see you getting bigger. You're stubborn as hell. You bark at stray cats that walk by the house. When you sleep in the bathroom and I come in to pee, you jump up and fly out like you're being chased by Satan himself. You catch bugs, are obsessed with small animals, you get long white hairs EVERYWHERE and leave hair tumbleweeds all over the house even after you've been brushed. I find them in containers I opened 5 seconds ago, in my eyes, I pulled one out of my ear the other day. You're a real possessive bitch when it comes to dogs outside of your circle coming up to me. When you meet a new person, or see an old one, your first reaction is to ram your snout into their crotch. You freeze up and throw your weight into your collar when you find a smell you like and don't want to keep walking. But you're the regulator. The dog who will drag other dogs away when things get too rough. The one who's not afraid to plow over other dogs, or pop them in the face with your huge paw because even though you mostly watch from the sidelines, you know you're in charge of those turds. Furthermore, you just know you're awesome. Any shouting matches that go on, anytime someone's feeling down, your head is under their hand and you're looking up as if to say "Hey man, it's not that bad, Look at my jowls!". You're a hell of a dog. It's a shame dogs your size don't live longer. I have to thank those Beethoven movies for convincing me I needed a Saint Bernard.
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