[KahiroSamo]

i m under spiritual sheikh. i performed all those zikar infact the QALBI Zikar but wasn't able to continue it during uni due to the stupid life we have with our friends.and now i don't know how to regain that connection as i feel extremely away from that path now. esp i have felt that my uni company is the one who made me go that far because instead of halting me they were like its normal now and up to you what ever you like. They encouraged me with the passage of time you are gonna miss all these moments and laugh so just enjoy but i m not able to. even if i try to people say me its just a two or three days thing u wont b able to continue etc.. but the thing is i cant blame them as i was the one who was wrong.what should i do?
one thing more i wanna know the role of fate? All this was written in my fate so all has happened no matter what i feel or do i was meant to be driven by fate like this.? even what i will do in next 2 3 years or during my whole life everything's already written. then why am i here? i feel like m such a dumb and unethical personality now
why any man is gonna accept a female like me ?
there were a few things done in which even not only from Allah but i should say sorry to even those person may be (that is what i feel others don't blame me for anything but i feel guilt within me ) how can i say them sorry now??