[vipdumpp]

I am new on here and dont really know how it works, but I thought i would share what i am going through and maybe i could get some help.

Almost a year ago I smoked weed and this much have been the 5th time i smoked it in my life, i am not proud of this and deeply regret it, the other times i smoked it it didnt do anything to me but that time i had an awful reaction, everything felt so strange and like the walls were closing in on me, i cudnt breathe my mouth was so dry and all i could think of was my family and my childhood and this is how i am going to die, from a drug! I was saying so much things that i had no control over, i was screaming and seeing things, i was so scared. I was with friends at the time as it was my 21st birthday. When the abmulance came, all the life felt like it was leaving my body and i cudnt speak anymore, the thoughts were in my head but they wouldnt come out my mouth, i was lying on the floor with the paramedic next to me, looking up at all my friends thinking this is what it feels like to die. To this day i dont know if what i was feeling was real or hallucination from the drug, but then i felt my whole body being dragged out of me, it was the so scary and then i felt a thump in my heart and all i cud remember was hearing my own voice in my head saying im dead, im really dead... but then a few seconds later i opened my eyes with a gasp and the paramedic was pushing my chest and said its ok, your still here.

After the ordeal, the feeling of being 'High' on a drug hasnt left me, i constantly feel like i am dreaming and everything is fake, i feel like i go through the motions of life without experiencing them, i feel as though i am not real and everything around me isnt aswell. I dont want to be like this, I am at university and its making my life a misery. I have been told i have depersonalization disorder which does sound like what i am feeling, everyday feels the same and time goes so fast, i feel like i am an outsider looking in on my life but not being in the life i am living, i have not taken any medication for this. I have always believed in Islam but i have never really been very religious, i do pray when i can. I feel this disorder is so strong sometimes and its very hard to explain the way it can be for a sufferer of this. I dont know what to do and i feel really lost. I feel the disorder is taking me away from Religion and making me lose faith, which is something i really dont want to happen.

Thank you in advance for any help