DiscussWorldIssues - Socio-Economic Religion and Political Uncensored Debate - View Single Post - still tangling in love problem and facing evil thoughts

**putza** · 10-31-2011, 12:54 AM

Salam Friends.....Its been few months that I had written a post here regarding my personal love life issues under the title of LOVE PROBLEM. A brief summary is that I fell in love with a guy and how everything went. We had physical relationship and promised each other to look after another through thick and thin. But later on that when I asked him to marry me, he refused. He mentioned the caste issues and other issues of his life. He had an affair with another girl before with whom he was physical for six years and wanted to marry her too. but her parents married her to a doctor. He felt bad because he only wanted to marry her because according to her she was the best and of a sound character too. according to him the sound character was to have premarital sex with only man man at a time. well before our committment I always asked him that I would marry you. and he always said that he would try. But later on he refused for no reason. He said you are stubborn girl and i want to marry the girl of my parents' choice bla bla bla..
The reason I am writing here is that when I had posted my problem over here then everyone gave so many suggestions to me. I did everything to get myself out of this problem. i am talking to a counselor also these days. But I am still standing at the same place. I still wish If i could convince him to marry me but i failed badly. He still says that love does not mean to marry. He asks that if you love me then just have sexual relationship with me but i wont marry you because you are a stubborn girl and so if you want to marry then marry the man of your family's choice. But i said to him that i cant do this because i love you only. its been 6 months now again that i have been trying to convince him but still no use.
I dont know whats wrong with me. I know unfortunately that what is right and what is wrong, i know what is the difference between ethical and unethical, i know what are the moral values, unfortunately i know everything but still my mind and heart says that he is my man and i have to convince him. I accept he lied to me because he never wanted to marry me and used me physically then why i am unable to forget about him. what is wrong with me. I am getting revengeful, I keep on planning how to kill him because he ruined my self, he took away my virginity and left me alone. He is a pathetic liar I know but then why i still want him. I pray alot and read quran daily and keep on supplicating to Allah to help me than still the things are not changing.
Every night i dont feel like sleeping, I feel stressed and tensed. I have gone into depression. I hate myself and i hate everyone. I feel like committing suicide because due to that man i have lost my self confidence, my love, my sincerity my everything. I begged him so much for marrying me because i dont want to marry someone else and cant ruin the life of another man. I know guys want to marry a clean virgin girl but then how i can fulfil this criteria now as i myself know the reality. this life is becoming a burden for me. every moment is becoming aweful. he is always on my mind. I know i love him still but i want to murder him because he ruined my life. i am unable to forgive him. i keep on cursing him. but i now feel that instead of cursing him I am cursing my own self by facing this pathetic psychological situation. i want to run and and want to kill him for sure. why why why i am thinking like this. i know its haram i know what i did was haram then why i am still not doing anything good.
i am facing severe mental tensions and pressures, i have also talked to my friends about this situation but still i am hopeless because inside i feel like convincing him. i keep on thinking about the plans that how to convince him. he was a liar, he used me, he made me feel like a trash, he never wanted to marry me, he always refused marrying me then why am i still in love with him. what is wrong with me. why dont i understand. I always prayed to Allah for blessing me with the best man and then he just came into my life. if he was not destined for me and although i prayed for a good man then why did he come. I pray to Allah for getting me out of this situation. I seek forgiveness from Allah. i pray alot and do continuous astagfaar. as a muslim i am trying my best to now put my trust on allah only then why i am still depressed. why dont i forget him. should i commit suicide or what? O my God what i am talking. i dont know what to do now. i have to have a neat clean life. I just want to love my husband only but i just wonder that i tried so much then why Allah didnt destine him for him. i did so much to convince him then why Allah didnt listen my prayer. I know i did bad bad stuff but I never wanted to it just happened in love with that man.
now why he is not ready to marry me if he had sex with me, why why why. how to forget about this past and how to get out of this. i really dont know because whatever strategy i have used gone useless. nothing is working in my situation. it seems i have gone crazy.
I know Allah is angry with me but he is the most Merciful the Most forgiving. I get so much upset and angry when i think that he would marry someone else. this thought make me mad. i get so much exasperated that i really want to kill him. I DONT KNOW WHAT IS THIS. this was not me. but this is me.
Please tell me what to do now
I want all of you to pray for me.....please suggest me what to do.....advise me sincerely......i am helpless for myself

Just relax, and take it easy, see the brighter side of the things, that before you didnt understand the hikmah and wisdom behind the rules of Shariah, but now you have first hand experience that to go against Allah's command actually brings upon harm to our life. So you should be positive, you have knowledge of this with certainty now, And you should change yourlifestyle.

CHange your aim in life, it seems your sole aim in life is to get married and find that love of your life, and now he is backing of so you feel your whole life is done. Wakeup from this sleep and dream. Move on, there is much more in life. You have to prepare for your aakhira. MArriage is a need in life, not the aim, Keep asking Allah for a succesfull marriage and work hard for your real goal in life and that is to please Allah. Life is short.

Look around yourself in the world, people are going through alot of trouble, some have physical illnesses, and are on their beds for ever, cant move cant do anything. Look at people in somalia, everyday they are going through hunger. Look at people in Syria and palestine, they are oprresed and are not sure when a tyrant soldier will come and rape and kill them.

You have time, health, and maybe also wealth. Use it for your betterment. get out of this immature state, just tell the shaitan that fine you like a boy and you made a mistake , but now you have repented and you are moving to the real aim in life and not wasting anymore time in listening his whispers.

Break all your contacts with him, think as if he has died, and start your life again, make goals how to improve your Deen and Duniya. Get yourself busy with productive things. And for your physical and emotional needs, ask Allah to make conditions easy for you.

Shaitan wants you to be stuck on this matter, makes you feel like a looser, and would love to see you kill yourself . Fine being a virgin is a good thing, but so what if you are not anymore, where does it say that only virgins will be allowed in Jannah.Every women looses virginity, all your mistake was that you just went too fast with it, and did not wait for the right time and right place. And its okay, what matters is, have you learnt your lesson, and are you going to still make the same mistakes or not?. If Allah wills he can bring in a boy in your life who will llove you to death, once again and will marry you. But First , you have to come onto the terms of Allah. Change your lifestyle. Change your priorities in life, get on with the correct business, and inshAllah Allah will make things easy.

So if you keep on remembering the boy and your sin , and ignore the rememberance of Allah , then shaitan will keep whispering in you. But if you channel your love emotions from that boy, to Allah . and use your intellect, that your aim in life is to please Allah, then there is hope for you to recover.

May Allah help you and change the condition of your heart and make you see the unimportance of that man, your sin, and past actions, and fill you up with the awe and importance of Allah and his obedience and his mercy and correct goals in life.

10-31-2011, 12:54 AM	#2
putza Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 383 Senior Member	Salam Friends.....Its been few months that I had written a post here regarding my personal love life issues under the title of LOVE PROBLEM. A brief summary is that I fell in love with a guy and how everything went. We had physical relationship and promised each other to look after another through thick and thin. But later on that when I asked him to marry me, he refused. He mentioned the caste issues and other issues of his life. He had an affair with another girl before with whom he was physical for six years and wanted to marry her too. but her parents married her to a doctor. He felt bad because he only wanted to marry her because according to her she was the best and of a sound character too. according to him the sound character was to have premarital sex with only man man at a time. well before our committment I always asked him that I would marry you. and he always said that he would try. But later on he refused for no reason. He said you are stubborn girl and i want to marry the girl of my parents' choice bla bla bla.. The reason I am writing here is that when I had posted my problem over here then everyone gave so many suggestions to me. I did everything to get myself out of this problem. i am talking to a counselor also these days. But I am still standing at the same place. I still wish If i could convince him to marry me but i failed badly. He still says that love does not mean to marry. He asks that if you love me then just have sexual relationship with me but i wont marry you because you are a stubborn girl and so if you want to marry then marry the man of your family's choice. But i said to him that i cant do this because i love you only. its been 6 months now again that i have been trying to convince him but still no use. I dont know whats wrong with me. I know unfortunately that what is right and what is wrong, i know what is the difference between ethical and unethical, i know what are the moral values, unfortunately i know everything but still my mind and heart says that he is my man and i have to convince him. I accept he lied to me because he never wanted to marry me and used me physically then why i am unable to forget about him. what is wrong with me. I am getting revengeful, I keep on planning how to kill him because he ruined my self, he took away my virginity and left me alone. He is a pathetic liar I know but then why i still want him. I pray alot and read quran daily and keep on supplicating to Allah to help me than still the things are not changing. Every night i dont feel like sleeping, I feel stressed and tensed. I have gone into depression. I hate myself and i hate everyone. I feel like committing suicide because due to that man i have lost my self confidence, my love, my sincerity my everything. I begged him so much for marrying me because i dont want to marry someone else and cant ruin the life of another man. I know guys want to marry a clean virgin girl but then how i can fulfil this criteria now as i myself know the reality. this life is becoming a burden for me. every moment is becoming aweful. he is always on my mind. I know i love him still but i want to murder him because he ruined my life. i am unable to forgive him. i keep on cursing him. but i now feel that instead of cursing him I am cursing my own self by facing this pathetic psychological situation. i want to run and and want to kill him for sure. why why why i am thinking like this. i know its haram i know what i did was haram then why i am still not doing anything good. i am facing severe mental tensions and pressures, i have also talked to my friends about this situation but still i am hopeless because inside i feel like convincing him. i keep on thinking about the plans that how to convince him. he was a liar, he used me, he made me feel like a trash, he never wanted to marry me, he always refused marrying me then why am i still in love with him. what is wrong with me. why dont i understand. I always prayed to Allah for blessing me with the best man and then he just came into my life. if he was not destined for me and although i prayed for a good man then why did he come. I pray to Allah for getting me out of this situation. I seek forgiveness from Allah. i pray alot and do continuous astagfaar. as a muslim i am trying my best to now put my trust on allah only then why i am still depressed. why dont i forget him. should i commit suicide or what? O my God what i am talking. i dont know what to do now. i have to have a neat clean life. I just want to love my husband only but i just wonder that i tried so much then why Allah didnt destine him for him. i did so much to convince him then why Allah didnt listen my prayer. I know i did bad bad stuff but I never wanted to it just happened in love with that man. now why he is not ready to marry me if he had sex with me, why why why. how to forget about this past and how to get out of this. i really dont know because whatever strategy i have used gone useless. nothing is working in my situation. it seems i have gone crazy. I know Allah is angry with me but he is the most Merciful the Most forgiving. I get so much upset and angry when i think that he would marry someone else. this thought make me mad. i get so much exasperated that i really want to kill him. I DONT KNOW WHAT IS THIS. this was not me. but this is me. Please tell me what to do now I want all of you to pray for me.....please suggest me what to do.....advise me sincerely......i am helpless for myself Just relax, and take it easy, see the brighter side of the things, that before you didnt understand the hikmah and wisdom behind the rules of Shariah, but now you have first hand experience that to go against Allah's command actually brings upon harm to our life. So you should be positive, you have knowledge of this with certainty now, And you should change yourlifestyle. CHange your aim in life, it seems your sole aim in life is to get married and find that love of your life, and now he is backing of so you feel your whole life is done. Wakeup from this sleep and dream. Move on, there is much more in life. You have to prepare for your aakhira. MArriage is a need in life, not the aim, Keep asking Allah for a succesfull marriage and work hard for your real goal in life and that is to please Allah. Life is short. Look around yourself in the world, people are going through alot of trouble, some have physical illnesses, and are on their beds for ever, cant move cant do anything. Look at people in somalia, everyday they are going through hunger. Look at people in Syria and palestine, they are oprresed and are not sure when a tyrant soldier will come and rape and kill them. You have time, health, and maybe also wealth. Use it for your betterment. get out of this immature state, just tell the shaitan that fine you like a boy and you made a mistake , but now you have repented and you are moving to the real aim in life and not wasting anymore time in listening his whispers. Break all your contacts with him, think as if he has died, and start your life again, make goals how to improve your Deen and Duniya. Get yourself busy with productive things. And for your physical and emotional needs, ask Allah to make conditions easy for you. Shaitan wants you to be stuck on this matter, makes you feel like a looser, and would love to see you kill yourself . Fine being a virgin is a good thing, but so what if you are not anymore, where does it say that only virgins will be allowed in Jannah.Every women looses virginity, all your mistake was that you just went too fast with it, and did not wait for the right time and right place. And its okay, what matters is, have you learnt your lesson, and are you going to still make the same mistakes or not?. If Allah wills he can bring in a boy in your life who will llove you to death, once again and will marry you. But First , you have to come onto the terms of Allah. Change your lifestyle. Change your priorities in life, get on with the correct business, and inshAllah Allah will make things easy. So if you keep on remembering the boy and your sin , and ignore the rememberance of Allah , then shaitan will keep whispering in you. But if you channel your love emotions from that boy, to Allah . and use your intellect, that your aim in life is to please Allah, then there is hope for you to recover. May Allah help you and change the condition of your heart and make you see the unimportance of that man, your sin, and past actions, and fill you up with the awe and importance of Allah and his obedience and his mercy and correct goals in life.
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