Contact this e-mail address: info@zainabcenter.org Tell them all your details and ask them for advice. Inshallah they will be able to help sort something out for you. In the meantime: Do not commit suicide. Do not contact that man ever again. Do you live by yourself? If so, I think you should live with your family for a while. Maybe talk to your mother, sister, or female cousins about what happened. Also, stop thinking that because you are not a virgin, you are "dirty". That is not true. I am sure you will be able to find a man to marry who does not care about your past, inshallah.