[vNQmO2BF]

Press on a tack in your shoe, squeeze soap under each armpit, and mutter profanities throughout.

[rostpribru]

Nice to know, Loin. Surprisingly, one of the questions is "Have you ever had sexual contact with a incapacitated dickgirl? If so, how was it?"

[Kimeoffessyr]

The control questions will hopefully establish that you're nervous, so that when you fail the real questions by the same margin as the control questions then you'll be good to go.

A friend of mine took a polygraph for the NSA and kept failing the question about whether she'd used pot (near the end of the test). She hadn't, but the polygraph said she was lying. Finally the guy administering the test said something along the lines of "Geez lady, everybody who works for the NSA is a pothead, don't sweat it," but she couldn't just say she'd used pot because then once again the polygraph would say she was lying. So they just retested her the next day when she wasn't as nervous, and that time she passed.

Which is the only way that a polygraph works, they say you lied about something and then get the truth out of you afterwards.

ACK!

[sbrthrds]

Finally the guy administering the test said something along the lines of "Geez lady, everybody who works for the NSA is a pothead, don't sweat it,"

That's obviously a trap anyway no matter what anyone tells you; even when confronted with the National Academy of Sciences Polygraph Review and other studies exposing how utterly baseless polygraphs are when it comes to detecting actual deception, agencies still justify them based on the fact that the subjects' perception that they work frequently induces them to make statements inconsistent with prior statements on the SF-86 form, other interviews, etc.

In other words, the theory is basically that losing X good candidates to false positives is a worthwhile tradeoff for getting an inadvertent confession from Y bad candidates, though the values for X & Y vary from agency to agency (rumor is the FBI's fail rate is almost 50%). Viewing the test in this way, your main concern should of course be consistency and avoiding getting tripped up by any follow-up questions, not whether you're generally "nervous" (as Loin said, they control for that by setting up a baseline).


EDIT: Tubes beat me to it

[vipluka]

Oh BTW Riesstiu, incidentally one of the first questions is usually something like "have you ever conducted research or otherwise sought out any information regarding how to evade detection of deception by a polygraph?" Merely by virtue of having posted this thread you're bound to fail.

[DrazAdwamoi]

Ah, but I didn't ask specifically how to cheat the polygraph, rather I wanted to know how not to be a nervous wreck. You and Tubes are the ones who just happened to post the evasion techniques.

Well, that quote's just off my foggy recollection; it could have been something much broader like whether or not you sought information on how polygraphs work, which is itself frowned upon. It also varies from agency to agency. Since this is only local PD they probably won't be that aggressive.

[choollaBard]

Well, that quote's just off my foggy recollection; it could have been something much broader like whether or not you sought information on how polygraphs work, which is itself frowned upon. It also varies from agency to agency. Since this is only local PD they probably won't be that aggressive.

Damn, why would that be frowned upon? If I'm making the hiring decision, I want somebody who did his homework, rather than somebody who sauntered blindly into something that unnerves the **** out of most people.

[HoqCBYMl]

I suppose it depends on the agency; someone simply looking for suitability for employment would certainly share your sentiment, but someone like the FBI concerned solely with concealment of deception (because a suitability determination had already been made in the earlier "phase" of the application process if the applicant's gotten to the point of a polygraph) would make a much bigger deal out of polygraph research, which at least increases the odds of deception. It's all about probability. When they're scrambling to prevent the next Robert Hanssen it doesn't hurt to lose 10 good candidates to root out 1 bad apple, particularly when countless talented individuals are already banging down the door.

Sure, but given how well polygraphs unnerve everybody, even those with nothing to hide, I'm thinking the odds increase is insignificant compared to the other things doing or not doing the research can say about a person. Then again, I'm not an FBI interviewer.

[jhfsdhf]

The easiest way to see if someone is lying is to ask questions you already know the answer to. It's extremely effective.

[tousuarshatly]

Well sh*t. Never made it to the polygraph or Oral Review Board.

The written exam was easy and I mean insultingly easy. "If criminal X has 100 twenty dollars bills in his possession, how much money does he have?" Astoundingly, about 60% of applicants failed this test and were promptly booted out.

An hour before the physical assessment, my voice started to give way and my hand became clammy and coupled with the fact I hadn't eaten in 24 hours... this was not going to be pretty. Got halfway through then I started to see splotchy black dots and felt dizzy. I think I may have the flu... ****! I threw in the towel. Started with over 200 people and by the time I left, maybe around 60 were left... and this is for 3 positions on the force.

Now I'm sitting here and I've never felt so terrible. Achey, sore, and now I'm getting a cough.

[JohnfAclambrJA]

Does that doctor at least exist?

[DadaSeeva]

Why did you go 24 hours without eating?

JM

[KuznehikVasaN]

Polygraphs are simple. I actually nodded off during mine.

"Did you just fall asleep?"

"No. Yes."

[sjdflghd]

It's the N1H1.

I'm holding out for N2H2.



How much does a polygraph cost? I can see a market for home versions.

[GEAntonio]

Going to be a cop? Are you going to get a baton and beat innocent pervert's penises with it, like mine for exampel?

First things first. Polygraph is awesome. It is as good as the tester. What does this mean? It means it's a FUN challenge to **** with the tester. Say that whenever you are nervous, you have to pinch your nipples, is that OK? Then start pinching and rubbing your tatas and make horny looks at the tester. Then grab your testicles and say this is the second step because of a medical condition and finally play with your butt.

Now let's see who is uncomfortable! Also, never quit in tests no matter if you are dying. People hate it when sick people come and try, trying to show "attitude", but hey, they secretly still love it. People who don't like it secretly are losers who are also quitters and you're posing a direct threat right there. That's right *****, I've got fever and my nose is running look! Look at this, I'm doing jumping jacks you big homo! Yeah and I'm pinching my nipples because I'm nervous, that's the kind of dude I am. Hey, let the haters be haters... their lives suck anyway.

So do the wrong thing and win. Why? Basically this is logical and my own doctrine. If everyone knew the same things and had the same basic abilities, it would always be a tie of 1000 people, right? SO everyone is looking for an edge. They try to be _better_. In terms of rules and whatnot. So every now and then someone comes top. What's the logical route to take? Break the rules, do your worse, and you will win. If not? Screw them.

[LOVEBoy]

Great advice Pekka. Just so you know, I would never try to beat your penis. The worst thing I would do is make you cover your manhood with a sock or something.

[jamemeveRhype]

"I think I can beat the machine!"
"Who do you think you are? Costanza?"

[PriniMai]

Upshot is you didn't make the force, I take it. Is there a later opportunity to try again?

Yes, the administrator said that I could try again next month without having to do the written test again. I'm already signed up.