[hjyAMqqT]

I just wanted to preface this post by stating that at times I cruise over to DearCupid .org just to check things out, and especially the cheaters and victims of cheating and their stories. I like to comment on as many as possible.

Unfortunately, my direct approach to cheaters have raised eyebrows and a steady hurling of insults, threats through PM and other unsavory comments, about either that I am eveil incarnate and not trying to help anyone. One moderator there warned me this eveing that there is a boat full of complaints that I am too hard on people there. Basically that was a result of a comment I gave to a man who just caught his GF in bed with another man as he came home from work. In light of all the "feel good" talk over there by people who told him to just "try to work it out" and "maybe you werent giving her what she needed"...I invited the guy to come over here....The moderators were not amused.

So without further adieu, I thought Id copy and post a couple that I just responded to within the last few minutes. My responses are still going through the mods over there, so I didn't think to copy them beforehand(sorry, but I am pretty sure you know what my responses consisted of). Since I figure that the moderators are in the process of throwing me out of there, I wanted to give the readers here a smattering of the questions that boggle the mind...


I'm a married woman and I had sex with a married man. I was looking for no strings attached sex (the "why" is understandable, but not relevant here) on a regular basis.

After our first encounter, I didn't hear from him till 2 weeks later when he sent a text saying how great it was and that he wanted to hook up again. I agreed and he said he would let me know when.
Two weeks later after hearing nothing, I sent a text asking if he'd had a change of heart. He said he hadn't, just needed some "time in between" so we wouldn't get attached.
Two months later I sent a text asking if enough time had passed. We hooked up again that night and this time we talked. He again assured me that he would tell me if he changed his mind about this thing. It has now been 4 weeks and I haven't heard from him. What's this guy's deal?


Good lord I thought I had it all figured out... I got married to a stranger basically like 4 months after a 4 year relationship... Anyways thought I was in love but I wasn’t bla bla its been six months and I was cheating on my husband and not getting a long with him, he wasn’t doing anything wrong totally faithful and loves me but I cheated on him with my ex whom I was with for 4 years- who also realllly loves me and waited like a year just to get me back.... It’s been like a month since I moved out of my husband’s house. I been hangin out with my ex for the whole month and he thinks we are basically back together. My husband who I have not divorced yet knows nothing of me with my ex. I thought everything would be fine if I just moved out and kept doin what im doin now. But I'm so confused I came home today and found a note and candy on the kitchen table... the note said "this house is lonely without you here. Please come back." WHAT DO I DO NOW? Should I go back? or should I stay at home? Should I keep bein with my ex or get back with my husband?

I guess I’m just caught between those two because they both truly love me and I don’t know what’s wrong with me I can’t choose between them. I love them both but don’t think I’m in love with either of them, maybe I am. I don’t know. Life




Should I be concerned that my wife of 10 years wants to "mend an old wound" with a high school sweetheart?

She had a very emotional situation when she was 15 with her highschool sweetheart. He fled and does not know what happened after the incident. I have known about this since I met her at 18 years old. We have been together for 15 years now and married for 10. We have children and all was very well. Recently they "found each other" via Facebook and have been chatting; by email and phone. I don't like this at all, but also respect her space. He lives far from us (6 hour plane ride), so I was not too concerned and trust her. She recently asked me if I would mind her flying to see him and confront him on what happened in the past. She says she needs to "get it off her chest". I respect this and offered to go with her; not to be there when they talk, but to travel with her for support and a small getaway. She said she does not want me there at all. She wants to do this alone as she handled this all alone when it happened at 15 years old.
I have been sick to myself since she asked meif she could go alone. I also did a little research and she has had numerous phone conversations with him and I'm sure plenty of emails. I asked her how many times they have spoken via phone and she told me "only once". Well, she lied to me as I checked cell phone records and there was more than one to his phone number and they were 20 minute conversations each time.
Any advice? I love her and our family, but I just cannot support her going there alone.

I need help, i am 22 years old and i've been in a relationship with my boyfriend/fiance since highschool (6 yrs) he was my first everything. I was so in love with him, I thought we'd be together forever, but the last few months have been rocky for us, i don't want to get into too much details but between the regiment of work school and family my time for him was limited, he ended up cheating on me with someone both him and i knew.

I was caught offguard by this and after a lot of digging i found out everything and he lied to me about it all at first. He had a very intimate relationship with this woman, sharing alot of what we were trying to work on with us...with her. He told lies about me to her and totally crushed me. I think/thought i loved him so i figured we could work it out. I put it to the side as a horrible series of events hit my life and he rededicated himself to me and was there for me during those times.
He promised me he would never do anything like that again and says he realized how much he lost and how much he truly did love me after he messed up. With everything personally that happened i didn't have time or the strength to work on things or break up with him (and i feel i should have) because he asked me to marry him in the midst of all this and i said yes thinking that it would help us reconnect...
Unfortunatly it was the complete opposite, i felt trapped and unsure after a while, i doubted the relationship, and I started going out with my single friends.. I realized how young i actually am and how dedicating my life to something i was unsure of was somewhat stupid. Unfortunatly i am no better than him, the months after all of the terrible events in my life, we went through a really tough period in our relationship we never broke up officially but in ways we did... i ended up cheating (one night stand) and i havent told him, im still engaged, i regret it everyday because i see the change in him and not only do i realize why he did what he did, but i feel as he did with realizing how much you love someone,
i know its not right and im not trying to justify it, i am so confused as to what to do. We have been working on things and agreed that we are moving forward with our lives and leaving the past behind us... i don't ever want anyone else. Is it bad for me to have this secret and move forward with a wedding, is it right not to tell him. i need advice so pls anyone help me


This madness is mind boggling...Is anyone else here a regular visitor over there? and if so, do you have a hard time controlling yourself? lol

[dalnecymync]

i have nothing good to say about these people. I can see they are confused, but they don't need 'support'. What they need is a good hard kick where the sun don't shine.

[Rx-Ultram]

Absolutely amazing....Thanks for sharing this Doo....wow...you are right, I don't think I could control myself!

I was thinking today that I need to go back to the COSA group just let to share with them this forum so that they could get some good doses of reality instead of being told to "just concentrate on yourself, he has an illness but so do you because you are obssessing over his cheating and what you really need to do is take these 12 steps so that you can recover from your constant worrying about what he is doing and how you can control him".


Don't get me wrong--I adore the lovely women I met in these groups who are suffering from the shock of their husbands multiple cheating and internet
p(rn (but for some reason insist on "medicalizing" it so that it is less painful?). Talking with other people who have gone through this is a tremendous support.

But I just couldn't drink the kool-aide that "we both" have problems and we can live together with this if he goes to his SA meetings 3 nights a week and I go to mine 3 nights a week, and then he goes to his therapist and to his group therapy, and of course, I would go to my therapist (the only thing that made sense!) and then marriage counseling of course..
GEES...all this just so that he could get over the fact that his weinee is not the center of the world and it is not some magic wand inspite of what he discovered during his mixed up childhood!!!

And here is the kool-aide---the COSA is told that she is not supposed to "check" on him as this is a sign of her own illness. Well, I'm sorry but it sounded like a recipe for a case of an STD the next time he cheats (oops...the SA and COSA groups call this a "slip-up" in his illness and a need for more meetings, etc).

Well, I know I'm not perfect but I was pretty damn happy before I discovered that instead of working my H was cruising pro$titutes all the time he was telling me he loved me, raising a great family and holding an important position. But I guess COSA has one point---if I stay with this mixed up person, then maybe I do have a BIG PROBLEM !!

SIS

[MADwanker]

Doofus thanks for the info. I got onto that site and I've never seen such a conglomeration of morons and idiots.

I created an account there and I want to see how long it takes for me to get banned by giving honest answers.

[MADwanker]

Ok, so they don't ban you. They review every post made, only about half of what I've posted made it on the site. What a total worthless piece of crap site.

[hjyAMqqT]

Oh they will ban you. The moderators at Dear Cupid actually like to play posters off against each other. If enough people complain(which they have in my case) or enough people send you nasty messages and block you.



If you give honest advice especially to cheaters, as in to grow up, get a life and leave, then the mods will edit your post, or eliminate entire parts to make it sound as a personal attack. Then this past week I have been told by two cheating women that I should be ashamed of myself for telling a cheater who got knocked up that she should com e clean, and to "Stay out of it, for you know nothing about how WOMEN feel!"

And then of course I was blocked by both females. Came to find out one of the hecklers was the original poster who posted her own advice to herself as Anonymous...It amazes me to no end.

The guy that flipped out on me had told the same woman to never tell anyone that she was pregnant by another man, and what the hubby didn't know would never hurt him. I called him out publicly for his advice, and the next thing I know, he is PM ing me calling me a wanker and wishing me bodily harm for being so mean to people (which apparently Brits still don't understand that it kinda falls on deaf ears, being an american and all) lol

There are almost 9000 different threads over tagged as cheating. It has become something of a comedy as to how many of those who post as cheaters originally over there end up not only becoming advice givers, but are Highly rated.