[irrelaAnnekly]

Damn, that shit was funny. Something was missing though.... hmmm... one for bass players? I'll come up with one later. That was a riot, Allan, thankyou.

[AndyPharmc]

keeping solid time
improvising neat bass lines
who needs a drummer?

theres your bassplayer haiku

(sorry morgan)

[adesseridopaw]

Now THAT'S funny...

[AndyPharmc]

sax player sounds good
wait, not the altissimo
ears are now ringing

here is one for you Mr. Doheny

[HitAttetlyTek]

Thanks Allan Johnston
Haiku's on jazz too funny
Almost peed myself

Okay, not quite up to standard but I tried. And just to clarify, almost peed myself from laughing. That wasn't some sort of statement as to my possible incontinence. Besides, it had the right number of syllables. Haiku's are tough. I think the last one was my favourite though. Sorry Morgan.

Chandra

[irrelaAnnekly]

Bassist on a tear
sounds just like pastorius
only in his head

There's one for all you electric players out there.

And for my double-bass friends:

music sounding great
whining sure to follow when
jam session is done

[This message has been edited by Morgan Childs (edited December 11, 2002).]

[adesseridopaw]

http://www.ejazznews.com/modules.php...rticle&sid=106

Jazz Haiku
Date: Monday, December 09 @ 06:00:00 EST
Topic: Jazz Commentary

Jam session bassist
Observes fourteen soloists
Contemplates murder

"Say, do you guys know
Wedding Song by Kenny G?"
Buy the damn record

Riffing on Rudolph . . .
Musicians in red and green
Learn humility

Best man pays sideman
Revealing greed of leader
Rebellion ensues

I'm sending a sub
But don't worry, he'll be fine
He's fresh from rehab

Solo pianist
Freed from all constraints of form
Heedlessly mangles

Jazz nymphs crowd bandstand
Offering carnal delights
My alarm clock rings

Double-timing bone
Sounds like somebody chewing
On a rubber band

Forty-two straight gigs
With no requests for Take Five
Time to call Guinness

Free jazz temptation
Strikes during the bride's first dance
What Would Wynton Do?

New Years revelers
Here's hoping the stroke of twelve
Sends you the hell home

Checking out women
High stages and low necklines
Great combination

A new world's record
For choruses on A Train
My band hates me now

That plate of hors d'oeuvres
Cost more than we're getting paid
Think we underbid?

Break time is over
Rest of band is returning
Now for that phone call

Rock drummer, lounge keys
Classically trained singer
Welcome to sub hell

God bless trust fund gigs
Only have to eat ramen
For a few more weeks

My drummer helped me
Count the syllables in this
last Haiku

This article comes from eJazzNews.com http://www.ejazznews.com

The URL for this story is: http://www.ejazznews.com/modules.php...rticle&sid=106

[avaiftBoara]

Pit orchestra gig
Days and nights become as one
I have no damned life

The strings slowly tune
When they're done the unisons
Are anything but

Bad intonation
Strings are sharp and reeds are flat
Brass too loud again

Bassoons forever
Try in vain not to sound like
A farting bedpost

Squeaking and squawking
All eyes roll to the heavens
The clarinet speaks

An oxymoron:
"He played the accordion
With delicacy"

The woodwind doubler
Practicing the piccolo
Frustration defined

The accordion
"Squeeze box," yes, but more often
"The Stomach Steinway"

Money's everything
Playing any gig that comes
Whores, we are all whores

Great changes, good groove
A one-in-a-million gig
No singer. Yippee!

The jam session starts
Somebody calls "Giant Steps"
Cold fear grips my brain

Gig is going well
Some jerk requests "In the Mood"
I look at my watch

Here's the girl singer
Stepping to the microphone
Pitch, Time, All gone now

"I can't find my note"
Bemoans the confused singer
Quit now," we all pray

I once had a dream
Big house, new car, big money
Now I play the bass

One beat to change from
Harmon to cup to bucket
Hey, who wrote this shit?

Gorgeous chick tells me
"You sound just like Kenny G"
My ego shatters

all the above borrowed from a friend

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arcane dealer in used goatees, strange ideas, and complicated shoes