[Tnzxovoz]

Recently, I have begun enjoying the television show Heroes, a drama about individuals with super-human abilities. Some have the ability to fly, while others are invincible. I am here to clarify a few of these abilities, however, as I feel there is more to be learned from this show than meets the eye:

Web-Cam Lady w/ evil mirror twin:
At first glance, this woman appears to have a secret guardian inside of a mirror. However, with a deeper introspect, you can see what this is really:

Female Bi-Polarity aka woman after the age of 30.
Its a scientific fact that 89% of women, or 1/2, are all out of their mind. Some lose it when they have a baby. Others lose it when they have the mob knocking on their door. Regardless of which, shes simply your run of the mill psychopathic woman. I'm waiting on the episode where she drowns her son in the bathtub then pleas insanity.


Japanese guy who can bend the space-time continuum.

I can't believe I spelled continuum right on the first try.

This guy seems to have an extraordinary ability to put himself in any position in any time and place in the universe. He can bend the space-time continuum itself.

Extraordinary? Not so much.

Its a fact that all Japanese people are born with a super power. Many have the ability to dodge bullets, catch tea-cups with samurai swords, or do flying jump-kicks. Many used these abilities to win Mortal Kombat tournaments. Bending the space-time continuum? Chump change, transform into a dragon and bite Shao Kahn's head off. Then we will talk.


Super-Hot Cheerleader who is seemingly invulnerable.

This girl ran through fire, stuck her hand in the garbage disposal (which many elderly people attempt with a much different fate), and even got tackled so hard, it broke her neck. Yet, she still lived. Why is this?

Because nothing bad happens to beautiful people. Ever see the prom queen trip and fall? Star quarterback/sexy guy ever spill something at the table? It just doesn't happen. Beautiful people can do everything, flawlessly. Ever wonder why so many beautiful people are also so intelligent? They aren't, they just get an automatic A from the desperate, likely pedophile principal. Remember this: If you aren't beautiful, you better be a super-hero.

Heroin addict who can paint the future:

With the injection of a syringe, this man is capable of painting portraits of the future: Bus crashes to nuclear explosions, he is the real-life version of Ms. Cleo. Aghem...

Well, it isn't the guy. Its the heroin. The harder the drug, the clearer things become. Wonder why people always say that drugs "slow everything down" and you see a "whole new picture of things?" Well, slow things down, see the future, whole new picture, see the future, its all the same. To shed further light on this issue, I request GamingRing's own drug addict, Drawmuh, to help explain this:

Me: Is it true that drugs make you predict the future?
Draw: Yeah.
Me: Ok.

Clear as day! Holy shit, I feel like I'm tripping balls just watching this show: The cheerleader just put her chest back together, had no nipples, and ran out of the morgue.

I hope this clarifies Heroes for each of you. It certainly was for me!

Have fun!

Stan.