[sigrekatonov]

Strong, kind, gentle, wise, responsible, reliable, a pleasant easy going nature, not too talkative, prone to silence and deep thought, weeps easily, courageous, confident, ordinary looking but with an extra ordinary personality? How can these qualities be obtained and the opposite of these be removed, what steps must be taken? Should such men be easily dominated? I think there is a hadith which says that noble men are easily dominated by women because they are too merciful.

[GogaMegaPiska]

... think there is a hadith which says that noble men are easily dominated by women because they are too merciful.

Reference?

[Tzqowwyt]

Strong, kind, gentle, wise, responsible, reliable, a pleasant easy going nature, not too talkative, prone to silence and deep thought, weeps easily, courageous, confident, ordinary looking but with an extra ordinary personality? How can these qualities be obtained and the opposite of these be removed, what steps must be taken? Should such men be easily dominated? I think there is a hadith which says that noble men are easily dominated by women because they are too merciful.

Read Hayatus Sahabah.

[TEFSADDERFISA]

A person of good character is he who is modest, says little, causes little trouble, speaks the truth, seeks the good, worships much, has few faults, meddles little, desires the good for all, and does good works for all. He is compassionate, dignified, measured, patient, content, grateful, sympathetic, friendly, abstinent, and not greedy. He does not use foul language, nor does he exhibit haste, nor does he harbor hatred in his heart. He is not envious. He is candid, well-spoken, and his friendship and enmity, his anger and his pleasure are for the sake of God Most High and nothing more.

al-Ghazzali, Abu Hamed Muhammad (2012-03-14). On the Remembrance of God Most High (Kindle Locations 233-237). Kazi Publishing, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

Now this is manliness

[sigrekatonov]

A person of good character is he who is modest, says little, causes little trouble, speaks the truth, seeks the good, worships much, has few faults, meddles little, desires the good for all, and does good works for all. He is compassionate, dignified, measured, patient, content, grateful, sympathetic, friendly, abstinent, and not greedy. He does not use foul language, nor does he exhibit haste, nor does he harbor hatred in his heart. He is not envious. He is candid, well-spoken, and his friendship and enmity, his anger and his pleasure are for the sake of God Most High and nothing more.

al-Ghazzali, Abu Hamed Muhammad (2012-03-14). On the Remembrance of God Most High (Kindle Locations 233-237). Kazi Publishing, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

Now this is manliness

Excellent! What can we do to make these qualities strong in us and our male children?

[sigrekatonov]

Reference?

I do not have a reference, I only read a fragment of it in The Meaning of Man by Sidi Ali Jamal, but I found this:

LXXXIII. A man admonishing his daughter about the state of her husband

4895. It is related that 'Abdullah ibn 'Abbas said, "I was eager to ask 'Umar about the two women among the wives of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, about whom Allah Almighty says, 'If the two of you would turn to Allah, for your hearts clearly deviated.' (66:4) I went on hajj with him and he went aside, and I went aside with him with a water vessel. He went out for a call of nature and when he came back, I poured some of the water from the vessel on his hands and he did wudu'. I said, 'Amir al-Mu'minin, who are the two wives of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, about whom Allah says, "If the two of you would turn to Allah, for your hearts clearly deviated"?' He said, 'I am surprised at your question, Ibn 'Abbas. That was 'A'isha and Hafsa.' Then 'Umar proceded to relate the hadith.

He said, 'I and a neighbour of mine from the Ansar were among the Banu Umayya ibn Zayd, which is part of the 'Awali area of Madina. We used to take it in turns to visit the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. He would go one day and I would go the next. When I went, I would bring him the news of that day of the revelation and other things. When he went, he did the same. We, the company of Quraysh, used to dominate women, and when we came to the Ansar, they were a people who were dominated by their women. So our women began to adopt the manner of the women of the Ansar. Once I shouted at my wife and she answered me back. I disliked that she should answer me back. She said, "Do you dislike that I should answer you back? By Allah, the wives of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, answer him back! Some of them might not have anything to do with him for the entire day until night!" That alarmed me, so I said, "The one among them who has done this will incur a terrible loss!" Does one of you anger the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, for the entire day until night?" She said, "Yes." I said, "She is ruined and lost! Does she feel secure that Allah will not become angry by the anger of His Messenger, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, so that she will be destroyed? Do not ask from the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, too much and do not answer him back in anything and do not refuse to speak to him. Ask me what you like. Do not be tempted into being like your neighbour since she is more beautiful than you and more beloved to the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace," meaning 'A'isha.

"'We were saying that Ghassan were getting ready their mounts to attack us. Once, on a day when it was his turn, my friend went down. He returned in the evening and banged loudly on my door and said, "Is he here?" I was alarmed and came out to him. He said, "Something terrible has happened." I said, "Has Ghassan come?" He said, "No, something worse still and even more serious. The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, has divorced his wives." I said, "Hafsa is ruined and lost!" I used to think that this was about to happen. I got dressed and prayed the Fajr prayer with the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. He entered a small upper room of him and withdrew into it. I went to Hafsa and found her weeping. I asked, "Why are you weeping? Didn't I warn you? Has the Messenger of Allah divorced you all?" She said, "I do not know. He is in his small upper room."

"'I went out and went to the minbar, A group of people were around it and some of them were weeping. I sat with them a short while and then what I felt overcame me. I went to the small room where he was and I said to a black slave of him, "Ask permission for 'Umar." He went in and spoke to the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and then came out and said, "I mentioned you to him but he was silent." So I went away and sat with the group who were at the minbar. Then what I felt overcame me and I went - and he mentioned the like of it. Then I sat with the group who were at the minbar. Then what I felt overpowered me and I went to the slave and said, "Ask permission for 'Umar," - and he mentioned the like. When I turned to go, suddenly the slave called me, saying, "The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, gives you permission."

"'So I went into him, He was lying down on a woven mat. There was no bedding between him and it and I could see the mark of the mat on his side. He was reclining on a leather cushion stuffed with palm fibre. I greeted him and then I asked while I was standing, "Have you divorced your wives?" He looked up at me and said, "No." Then I said, sociably while I was standing, "Messenger of Allah, will you listen to me? We, the company of Quraysh, used to dominate our women. Then we came to a people whose women dominate them..." (and he mentioned it.) The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, smiled. Then I said, "Will you listen to me? I visited Hafsa and I said, 'Do not be tempted into being like your neighbour since she is more beautiful than you and more beloved to the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace,'" meaning 'A'isha. He smiled again. I sat down when I saw him smile. I raised my eyes to look about the room and, by Allah, I did not see anything of note in it except for three hides. I said, "Ask Allah to enrich your community. Persia and Byzantium were made rich and were given this world but they did not worship Allah." He was reclining and then he said, "Do you have any doubts, Ibn al-Khattab? Those people were repaid for their good actions in the life of this world." I said, "Messenger of Allah, ask forgiveness for me."

"'The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, had withdrawn for 29 nights because of the story which Hafsa divulged to 'A'isha. He had said, "I will not go to them for a month," because of the intensity of his anger towards them when Allah rebuked him."

"'When twenty-nine days had passed, he went to 'A'isha and began with her. 'A'isha said to him, "You swore that you would not come to us for a month. Twenty-nine days have passed. I have counted them." The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "The month is twenty-nine days." That month was twenty-nine days.'"

'A'isha said, "The ayat of choice was sent down and the Prophet began first with me and I chose him. Then he gave all his wives a choice and they said the like of what I had said to him." [cf 4027]

[bingookenoo]

Strong, kind, gentle, wise, responsible, reliable, a pleasant easy going nature, not too talkative, prone to silence and deep thought, weeps easily, courageous, confident, ordinary looking but with an extra ordinary personality? How can these qualities be obtained and the opposite of these be removed, what steps must be taken? Should such men be easily dominated? I think there is a hadith which says that noble men are easily dominated by women because they are too merciful.

I doubt if Umar[RA] could have been dominated.

[broksaksaak]

I do not have a reference, I only read a fragment of it in The Meaning of Man by Sidi Ali Jamal, but I found this:

LXXXIII. A man admonishing his daughter about the state of her husband

4895. It is related that 'Abdullah ibn 'Abbas said, "I was eager to ask 'Umar about the two women among the wives of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, about whom Allah Almighty says, 'If the two of you would turn to Allah, for your hearts clearly deviated.' (66:4) I went on hajj with him and he went aside, and I went aside with him with a water vessel. He went out for a call of nature and when he came back, I poured some of the water from the vessel on his hands and he did wudu'. I said, 'Amir al-Mu'minin, who are the two wives of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, about whom Allah says, "If the two of you would turn to Allah, for your hearts clearly deviated"?' He said, 'I am surprised at your question, Ibn 'Abbas. That was 'A'isha and Hafsa.' Then 'Umar proceded to relate the hadith.

He said, 'I and a neighbour of mine from the Ansar were among the Banu Umayya ibn Zayd, which is part of the 'Awali area of Madina. We used to take it in turns to visit the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. He would go one day and I would go the next. When I went, I would bring him the news of that day of the revelation and other things. When he went, he did the same. We, the company of Quraysh, used to dominate women, and when we came to the Ansar, they were a people who were dominated by their women. So our women began to adopt the manner of the women of the Ansar. Once I shouted at my wife and she answered me back. I disliked that she should answer me back. She said, "Do you dislike that I should answer you back? By Allah, the wives of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, answer him back! Some of them might not have anything to do with him for the entire day until night!" That alarmed me, so I said, "The one among them who has done this will incur a terrible loss!" Does one of you anger the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, for the entire day until night?" She said, "Yes." I said, "She is ruined and lost! Does she feel secure that Allah will not become angry by the anger of His Messenger, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, so that she will be destroyed? Do not ask from the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, too much and do not answer him back in anything and do not refuse to speak to him. Ask me what you like. Do not be tempted into being like your neighbour since she is more beautiful than you and more beloved to the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace," meaning 'A'isha.

"'We were saying that Ghassan were getting ready their mounts to attack us. Once, on a day when it was his turn, my friend went down. He returned in the evening and banged loudly on my door and said, "Is he here?" I was alarmed and came out to him. He said, "Something terrible has happened." I said, "Has Ghassan come?" He said, "No, something worse still and even more serious. The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, has divorced his wives." I said, "Hafsa is ruined and lost!" I used to think that this was about to happen. I got dressed and prayed the Fajr prayer with the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. He entered a small upper room of him and withdrew into it. I went to Hafsa and found her weeping. I asked, "Why are you weeping? Didn't I warn you? Has the Messenger of Allah divorced you all?" She said, "I do not know. He is in his small upper room."

"'I went out and went to the minbar, A group of people were around it and some of them were weeping. I sat with them a short while and then what I felt overcame me. I went to the small room where he was and I said to a black slave of him, "Ask permission for 'Umar." He went in and spoke to the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and then came out and said, "I mentioned you to him but he was silent." So I went away and sat with the group who were at the minbar. Then what I felt overcame me and I went - and he mentioned the like of it. Then I sat with the group who were at the minbar. Then what I felt overpowered me and I went to the slave and said, "Ask permission for 'Umar," - and he mentioned the like. When I turned to go, suddenly the slave called me, saying, "The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, gives you permission."

"'So I went into him, He was lying down on a woven mat. There was no bedding between him and it and I could see the mark of the mat on his side. He was reclining on a leather cushion stuffed with palm fibre. I greeted him and then I asked while I was standing, "Have you divorced your wives?" He looked up at me and said, "No." Then I said, sociably while I was standing, "Messenger of Allah, will you listen to me? We, the company of Quraysh, used to dominate our women. Then we came to a people whose women dominate them..." (and he mentioned it.) The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, smiled. Then I said, "Will you listen to me? I visited Hafsa and I said, 'Do not be tempted into being like your neighbour since she is more beautiful than you and more beloved to the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace,'" meaning 'A'isha. He smiled again. I sat down when I saw him smile. I raised my eyes to look about the room and, by Allah, I did not see anything of note in it except for three hides. I said, "Ask Allah to enrich your community. Persia and Byzantium were made rich and were given this world but they did not worship Allah." He was reclining and then he said, "Do you have any doubts, Ibn al-Khattab? Those people were repaid for their good actions in the life of this world." I said, "Messenger of Allah, ask forgiveness for me."

"'The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, had withdrawn for 29 nights because of the story which Hafsa divulged to 'A'isha. He had said, "I will not go to them for a month," because of the intensity of his anger towards them when Allah rebuked him."

"'When twenty-nine days had passed, he went to 'A'isha and began with her. 'A'isha said to him, "You swore that you would not come to us for a month. Twenty-nine days have passed. I have counted them." The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "The month is twenty-nine days." That month was twenty-nine days.'"

'A'isha said, "The ayat of choice was sent down and the Prophet began first with me and I chose him. Then he gave all his wives a choice and they said the like of what I had said to him." [cf 4027]

^This is very confusing! Mainly the first pharagraph about Amma Aisha & Hafs (raa). Why did the author not gave reference to the Hadith that he quoted there.

A husband has to understand one thing and that is Allah (swt) has made them the leader over their wives and children. Normally there must exist an environment of love and harmony in the family. However, its the responsibility of the husband that he ensure that the wife and children are not deviated from the right path, incase if he notices that his wife is being rebellious, greedy, or obstinate then its his responsibility to set her straight by first being nice/polite with her, and then gradually become stricter if the situation does not improve (ofcourse with hikmah). Quite analogous to how the Khalifah is suppose to interact with their people, first warn and then impose fine.

[sigrekatonov]

I doubt if Umar[RA] could have been dominated.

Maybe not dominated but sometimes easy going...not too concerned about certain words being said by the wife, letting it pass without argument and so on. If one is not like that one would be constantly arguing with some women who have a habit of being too talkative and judgemental.

[sigrekatonov]

There is the spirit of the law and the letter of the law...if the spirit is missing we get a rigid and harsh law, if the letter is missing we get too much tolerance and everything becomes permissible. Balance is needed in particular situations and only a very enlightened and aware man will know when to choose a particular method over another. Rasulullah had his wives (RA) argue with him sometimes, and he is the noblest creation...so the hadith kind of shows this side of his character, yet he also separated himself from them for a month...which shows another side to his character.

^This is very confusing! Mainly the first pharagraph about Amma Aisha & Hafs (raa). Why did the author not gave reference to the Hadith that he quoted there.

A husband has to understand one thing and that is Allah (swt) has made them the leader over their wives and children. Normally there must exist an environment of love and harmony in the family. However, its the responsibility of the husband that he ensure that the wife and children are not deviated from the right path, incase if he notices that his wife is being rebellious, greedy, or obstinate then its his responsibility to set her straight by first being nice/polite with her, and then gradually become stricter if the situation does not improve (ofcourse with hikmah). Quite analogous to how the Khalifah is suppose to interact with their people, first warn and then impose fine.

[broksaksaak]

There is the spirit of the law and the letter of the law...if the spirit is missing we get a rigid and harsh law, if the letter is missing we get too much tolerance and everything becomes permissible. Balance is needed in particular situations and only a very enlightened and aware man will know when to choose a particular method over another. Rasulullah had his wives (RA) argue with him sometimes, and he is the noblest creation...so the hadith kind of shows this side of his character, yet he also separated himself from them for a month...which shows another side to his character.

Your efforts are appreciated, however, I am seeing a trend here.

So whats wrong with people, anywhere I look everyone is talking about how nice men need to be with their wife? What is it that Muslims are feeling guilty about? Is it that the media campaign that Muslim women are victimised making us believe that, or is it the womans right movement? How many Muslim men do you know who really beat their wife just for kicks, I do not know even a single one? Finally, there might be some men who hit their wifes, but what about mental torturing a lot of men go through, even when they provide everything for their wife? I guess thats not on the agenda, correct?

[textarchive]

"'When twenty-nine days had passed, he went to 'A'isha and began with her. 'A'isha said to him, "You swore that you would not come to us for a month. Twenty-nine days have passed. I have counted them." The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "The month is twenty-nine days." That month was twenty-nine days.'"


ALLAH O AKBAR.............that is CRAZy stuff........

[bingookenoo]

Maybe not dominated but sometimes easy going...not too concerned about certain words being said by the wife, letting it pass without argument and so on. If one is not like that one would be constantly arguing with some women who have a habit of being too talkative and judgemental.

These two faults can be in both men and women.

[sigrekatonov]

Eh? I think you are assuming somethings that I did not intend. I think there is a crisis in masculity my sons and I (and maybe others) need to be taught what it means to be a man.

Your efforts are appreciated, however, I am seeing a trend here.

So whats wrong with people, anywhere I look everyone is talking about how nice men need to be with their wife? What is it that Muslims are feeling guilty about? Is it that the media campaign that Muslim women are victimised making us believe that, or is it the womans right movement? How many Muslim men do you know who really beat their wife just for kicks, I do not know even a single one? Finally, there might be some men who hit their wifes, but what about mental torturing a lot of men go through, even when they provide everything for their wife? I guess thats not on the agenda, correct?