[SannyGlow]

Assalamu alaikum brothers and sisiters.

Please help me out. I am a muslim who has never committed an indecency with any girl in any manner. But I knew this one girl who was a non muslim and also very spirtiual in her own relilgion and also very seducitve in her ways, but chaste. I had a lot of chances of kissing her touching her but i did not. Now we have had a very bad time since past few months and she has stopped talking to me since i wanted to get into a relationship with her. But she refused on the grounds that i am very possessive in nature etc..

We have stopped talking and now out of depression I have actually started perfroming salah regulalrly and looking into islam and seeking closesness to Allah like never before. But the regret that I did not commit zina or kissed her or committed some kinda of physical act with her when I had the chance is not going away. When I wake up in the morning I wake up with a tremendous sexual urge and regret of not doing this when I had the chance. Its been six months since those chances. but the regret is not going away. I know its not good to regret in this manner.


In fact once when I tried to, she pushed me away and said this is wrong and made me feel really bad about it. That was the last time she spoke to me 2 months ago.

I have decided to live an islamic way of life as much as possible Insha Allah. But this one thought keeps troubling me all the time.
Now I dont want to touch any other women with such intentions in my mind. But now I feel like dam..!! I lost that chance. And now that I know its wwrong I will never try to do it again. I am thinking of gettting married to a practising Muslimah as soon as I can. so that I can keep myself on the right path.

I pray sincerely and avoid all things and kill my nafs as much as possible. But the memory of the days and times when i could have touched this girl, kissed her or done atleast something is not going away. Its a really sharp sexual urge in the mind and body coupled with regret of not doing such an act..


I want to protect my chastitiy..This is such a conflict..

What should I do?

Please help me.

Jazkallah Khair

[Enfonebew]

You just need time. You'll get over it eventually. Just busy yourself with other things for now. Spend time with your friends and family. And do some zikr every day.

[dalnecymync]

Bismihee Ta'aala

Asalamualaikum,

Dear Brother,


These are all thoughts that you need to ignore. Once these thoughts come, just say astugfirullah and move on. Don't ponder about these thoughts. You should be very thankful to Allah (SWT) for not giving in to your desire when you had the chance to do so. How many people have fallen into zina, but alhumdulillah you refrained from it. Thank Allah (SWT).

You regret it now not doing so, but don't loose your reward. So what if you slept with her or kissed her? Guarantee you wouldn't even remember how it felt after a few months. For those few moments you may get some pleasure out of it, but then you would have to live with that guilt for the rest of your life.

Why would you want to displease such a loving and caring Allah? Has he not given you all that you have? Has he not taken care of you, fed you, gave you safe and cosy place to live? Why displease Allah (SWT) for a few moments of pleasure?

Insha Allah by your sacrificing for the the pleasure of Allah (SWT), Allah (SWT) will give you something much better. He will give you a beautiful practicing muslimah who you could enjoy far more with. Don't regret your decisions, but rather be thankful.

Go pray 2 rakaats nafil and thank Allah (SWT) for not giving in to your desires. Think of how many married couples wish they could have resisted like you did. Ask Allah (SWT) after every salaah to get your islaah done.


There is also a hadith about the 7 types of people who will be under the shade on the day of judgement. One of the types of people will be those who had the ability and desire to sleep with a beautiful woman, but refused saying I fear Allah (please some-one correct me if I am wrong).


Also make dua to Allah (SWT) to get this girl out of your head, and get married as soon as possible

[SannyGlow]

Dear Brother,

Jazakall Khair for your advise. I have made a firm resolve. I am 26 and I have been having uncontrollable sexual urges since atleast a year.
Yes, it is only Allah's mercy that he has kept me away from it despite all my attempts to even try to make her come and live with me.

In the process of I have wasted a lot of money on travel etc. I have lost infact all my savings.
I have been feeling that I might just go date some white girl and sleep with her to get over this internal conflict.
Whenever I see any girls in skirts, or their figure or any images on the net I cant control myself. So I try my best to elimitate all things that lead to it.

Out of depression I have even quit my job here in UK and decided to go back to my home country where there is less temptations than here in the west where loneliness and depression is making me vulnarable and troubling my nafs. I am hanging on to dear life to protect my mind from wandering around. I will be moving back to my home country permanently in 3 weeks and try to get married. I feel like I will have all my family and friends around me and my life will be more engaged through out the day and all that annoyance will help me distract my attention from this.

I have made a firm resolve to cleanse my nafs. I know that this life is more insignificant than the water on the finger dipped in the ocean, as compared to the life of the hereafter. I know Islam is the ultimate truth. But the love of this world is so strong that it keeps pulling me back.

I have given up the best life possible in the west and going back home. I dont know if I am being ungrateful to Allah for giving up his blessings. But I also feel like I should make this sacrifice in order to save myself from and also be in the presence of more important things like family and friends.

I am 26. I have never been serious about faith until now. I feel like what if I die any time soon. What about repentance? I may not have enough time to repent for my evil inlicnations for all these years. All those evil thoughts, deeds, unkindness to parents, lies and lack of Takwa etc that we do in our lives without any concern.. there are so many things to catch up on. It makes me really afraid of what will happen to me in the Akhirath. If this mental conflict is so troubling and damaging, what about the torment in the hereafter. It makes me nervous to death.

That girl was a kaafir, but she showed me her strength of imaan by refusing my attempt to kiss her. It makes me ashamed that as a muslim my imaan was so weak.

[Enfonebew]

May I suggest finding a shaykh of tasawwuf who can guide you? Where do you live; perhaps some brothers can give suggestions.

[SannyGlow]

I have already seen a Sufi teacher once here in London. I have also got in touch with another teacher in India as well. I intend to see him as soon as my plane lands.

[pokerbonuscod]

Get married to a beautiful girl who looks sexy & IMPORTANT - more pious than you(who prays tahajjud and gives priority to deen). It will help your problem

May Allah bless with good things...

[SannyGlow]

This girl was also very spiritual and very clean hearted and did a lot of good deeds and charity. And had a complete detachment from worldly things. The only thing was she was she is not of the people of the book, nor she is of the people who take the Shahada.

Now that I end up weeping every time I read about the greatness of Allah and his mercy and blessings, I only feel greatful for this girl. Because if she hadn't broken my heart and not made me feel like **** for my evil inclinations, I would never have turned to Allah and begun begging in repentance for my Akhirath.
I feel the greatest gift I could have given her would be the gift of Islam. The gift of Shahadah. Because she doesnt know how close she is to Islam itself. But my eemaan was so weak that instead of me bringing her into eemaan, I would almost lose mine every time I would see her or be in her presence, becuase I was just so attracted to her due to all these qualities. I only wish that Allah give hidaya and turn her to islam. I wish that she becomes the people of Jannah. Because deep down inside, not matter what kind of feelings I had for her. I do wish that Allah guide her to the true path and complete her spirituality with the Shahada.

I often feel so much pain in my heart that I wake up crying and begging to Allah to please create the light of the oneness of Allah and the love of the prophet(pbuh) in her heart. I lost the chance to convert such a pure soul as hers to Islam. I lost the chance because I wasnt a devout muslim myself. If I only I had been strong on my eemaan and had the knowledge and patience, I could have converted her and may be I could have married her.

This is the second type of regret that I keep feeling.

I sometimes hope for a miracle from Allah that may he create the light of Islam in her heart, may she come back to me and may I get married to her.
It has been two painful months of silence between her and me. No matter how much I begged, she wouldnt talk to me. Because she thought I was untrustworthy and didnt know what I wanted in my life. The only healthy thing left for me to do was to stay away from her and erase her from my mind so that I dont mess her life and mine.

As I am completely not able to take my mind off of her. And I fear I may never be able to take my mind off of her even I go back half way across the world and try to have a new life and get married etc.

The more I get closer to Allah, the more I remember her. Because she always used to tell me - to "not love this world" - "love your god" - "not love his creation" - "love the creator".

With every spiritual article I read to get closer to Allah, I find that she was right. She was right !!! I understand now...!!! Our true purpose on earth is to Love Allah..!!!

Now that I truly realise this in my heart, I feel so grateful to her that I fall in love with her even more for her spirituality. I understand her now. I understand that she is somewhat of a Sufi.. She meditates every night to seek closeness to god.. and says her true love is god. No one else.. This twists my heart so much.. I know now what it means to love god.. I understand her now.. But if I could only make her understand the one ness of god .. i.e La ilaaha ill allah. I would have done her the greatest favour ever. I start to wish, if only she could be a muslim, if only Allah could turn her heart somehow towards the Shahadah. It will make her Aakhirah. I love her. So I want her to be successful in Akhirah.

But I can never ever do this because I moving back and we never speak again. Even if I want to, she will not.

The only option left for me is to Pray to Allah.

But, Is it allowed for me in Islam to pray to Allah to give her Hidayath and open her heart to Islam and change her mind into marrying me and hope for some kind of miracle of this kind? Will this be like I am going against the divine destiny ? Is it wrong for me to have this kind of hope?

This is the only way I can try because on one side I am erasing her from my life by moving half way across the world and on the other side, I want her to be a muslim (even if she doesnt call me to get married to me). I wish this for her as I think I still love her in the purest form in some remote corner of my heart..

[VomsVomaMew]

Time heals everything.

After 3-4 months, you'll laugh on this.