[seekfrieddy]

I know we all could use some guidence sometimes or often. However, I am having some trouble with someone who has seemingly stopped wanting to make any decision on her own without consulting something...and not by prayer. Actually by asking what she should do. She is obsessed! I am worried. This can't be healthy. It's like Ouija board addiction. I know that I can't live her life and force her to stop. She is smart and capable. She doen't act that way.
I have tried to be subtle and kind to tell her that the Lord has given her a brain and she is able to decipher her path.
When the response she receives is not what she wants, she gets rather hyper. Then she keeps asking over and over.... She ends up doing things that are not to her benefit.
I refuse to contribute to this because it is draining on my spirit.
I love my friend dearly. I want her to lead a happy life. I believe that there are guides there to help us but when do you draw the line? There are times when you must make a decision with faith.
What do some of you say to people who essentially are addicted to "guidance"? (in the unhealthy way)
I purposely am not going to put here what she is obsessed with because I believe that the matters are private, but her actions require some intervention. I also realize, as I have seen in this forum, there are people you can't help because they refuse to take responsibility for themselves and make changes.

[DuePew]

Hi Drea, a very difficult situation indeed. No obsession is healthy and very hard to deal with. This is one of the situations where help is neither required nor invited. Have you tried straight talking or is is beyond that? Sitting your friend down and explaining your concerns, also pointing out that she was given a brain to use. Another tactic perhaps worth considering is explaining spiritulism is a deep seated belief not an oracle or crutch. I sense you will have a struggle and will have to continually be on her back but will win through. This is a lesson for all and may it serve us all.

Blessings

Heather

[enasseneiff]

You HAVE to cut them loose. Another person I know is having the same problem. She depends on you for her daily dose of "HELP". You are enabling her if you continue.

Remember my post on boundaries? Time to put them in place FIRMLY. She will not whither and die without you. She will learn to stand on her own 2 feet.

You tell her, look, you're my friend, but I cannot give you advice anymore. If you want to just hang out and talk, that's fine but I won't be telling you what you should do anymore.

The other way... Start CHARGING her per question. Money has a way of stopping that dead in it's tracks. (not always but usually). Tell her, sorry I'm going to need to start charging you as a proper energy exchange. It's 10.00 per question, follow up questions are 5.00.

Watch how fast she runs

[Avoireeideree]

Oh, yes. 1. She has NO money. That would be quite halting. (YAY!) Though, she seems able to find ways around that... She's quite skilled when thinking up ways, but for other issues: Not so much.
2. Another interesting problem is that she is 30 years older than me. So, at times, I do get the when you're older and have been married, you'll understand.
I am also praying and asking for spirit help to disconnect this. I am getting to some boundries. As per my request, I am no longer allowed to know certain things. (Thank you, Lord.) If she persists, I fear that I may have to be confrontational to get my point across.
I need so much grounding to deal with her, then I need to "discharge" the vibes afterward.

Now, Heather, as you said, it's a lesson. I think that I am to take away that my own time is valuable and I must establish that.

One more question:
Her energy seems to have attracted sensitives to spontaneously read her in grocery stores or where ever. Read that she did not ask for. Does that speak of something in her aura? Is she wanting people to know things? I told her she can protect herself from having that happen.

[bahrain41]

She is sending out "I'm desperate! " in her energy vibe. Are you WITH her when this happens? Otherwise I'd say.. Cough, bull** I would NOT walk up to a random person and read them, and NEVER have I had this happen to me.

Absolutely you need boundaries. She is a psychic vampire. Time to cut ALL cords and be firm.


YOUR TIME IS VALUABLE! Even if you don't do this for a living.... Would your plumber come over if you just had "one little thing you needed looked at" FOR FREE?? Hell no! Remember that, you are giving away your energy, don't!

[SoftrermaBioniaSat]

Know that you have a right to personal boundaries. You not only have the right, but you must take responsibility for how you allow others to treat you. Your boundaries act as filters permitting what is acceptable in your life and what is not. If you don't have boundaries that protect and define you, as in a strong sense of identity, you tend to derive your sense of worth from others. To avoid this situation, set clear and decisive limits so that others will respect them, then be willing to do whatever it takes to enforce them. Interestingly, it's been shown that those who have weak boundaries themselves tend to violate the boundaries of others.



Recognize that other people's needs and feelings are not more important than your own. Many women have traditionally thought that the needs of their husbands and children are more important than their own. This is not only untrue, but it can undermine the healthy functioning of the family dynamic. If a woman is worn out mentally and physically from putting everyone else first, she not only destroys her own health, she in turn deprives her family of being fully engaged in their lives. Instead, she should encourage every family member to contribute to the whole as well as take care of himself or herself. Putting themselves last is not something only women do, but many men as well.



Learn to say no. Many of us are people-pleasers and often put ourselves at a disadvantage by trying to accommodate everyone. We don't want to be selfish, so we put our personal needs on the back burner and agree to do things that may not be beneficial to our well-being. Actually, a certain amount of "selfishness" is necessary for having healthy personal boundaries. You do not do anyone any favors, least of all yourself, by trying to please others at your own expense.



Identify the actions and behaviors that you find unacceptable. Let others know when they've crossed the line, acted inappropriately, or disrespected you in any way. Do not be afraid to tell others when you need emotional and physical space. Allow yourself to be who you really are without pressure from others to be anything else. Know what actions you may need to take if your wishes aren't respected.



Trust and believe in yourself. You are the highest authority on you. You know yourself best. You know what you need, want, and value. Don't let anyone else make the decisions for you. Healthy boundaries make it possible for you to respect your strengths, abilities and individuality as well as those of others. An unhealthy imbalance occurs when you encourage neediness, or are needy; want to be rescued, or are the rescuer, or when you choose to play the victim.


Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries

* Going against personal values or rights in order to please others.

* Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving.

* Taking as much as you can for the sake of taking.

* Letting others define you.

* Expecting others to fill your needs automatically.

* Feeling bad or guilty when you say no.

* Not speaking up when you are treated poorly.

* Falling apart so someone can take care of you.

* Falling "in love" with someone you barely know or who reaches out to you.

* Accepting advances, touching and sex that you don't want.

* Touching a person without asking.


When we possess healthy personal boundaries:



✓ We have improved self-confidence and a healthy self-concept.

✓ We are more in touch with reality.

✓ Are better able to communicate with others.

✓ Have better more fulfilling relationships.

✓ Have more stability and control over our lives.