[AngelinaTheElf]

World Exclusive by Daniel Sanderson
February 26, 2011

ENGLAND ace Ashley Cole shot and wounded a 21-year-old student with a high-powered rifle at Chelsea's training ground.

The star was "larking" with his deadly .22 air gun in the dressing room last Sunday and fired at work placement boy Tom Cowan from just 5ft.

"Cole is alleged to have shot the young male with his concealed weapon. When he realised that the male was wounded he attempted to alert the emergency services but was unable to reach his mobile phone...." Don't fuck with our Ashley....

[xFZ3k8Mw]

Oh dear god! How do you accidentally fire a gun at someone that close?! Idiot.

[XU8i6ysK]

what a complete and utter twat

[XzBZB2UV]

If he doesn't get done for something like that then I'll be very disappoint.

[brraverishhh]

Seeing we have some of the strictest gun laws in the world, he should get about 5 years in prison but will probably get off on some stupid technicallity pointed out by some overpaid lawyer of his.

[w4HPpbSW]

It's not his fault. Blame it on the gun.

[brraverishhh]

Ashley Cole had a valid reason for that shooting the other day. It was part of a training demonstration. Chelsea were perfecting how to dive like you've just been shot, convincingly.

[addisonnicogel]

It's not his fault. Blame it on the gun.

It is his fault. He was "larking" around with it. Maybe if he'd handled properly, like the firearm IT IS, instead of being a twat it wouldn't have fired and shot someone.

I agree with Parka. I hope they throw the book at him but I doubt they will.

[w4HPpbSW]

It is his fault.

I was kidding. Of course it's his fault.

[kvitacencia]

It's not his fault. Blame it on the gun.

I'm sure that's going to be part of his defense too... "see, if they had designed it properly then I wouldn't have actually shot him. They should have designed it so that there's no way it could fire when I was screwing around with it. Those damn gun manufacturers, they need to be reprimanded for this!"

[brraverishhh]

Got to love the daily mash!

Gazza offers Cole some chicken

28-02-11
UNHINGED gunman Ashley Cole was last night offered a variety of objects by Paul Gascoigne.

Gazza stressed Cole could have the rest of itThe former England international has been attempting to contact Cole via loud hailer from a car parked outside Chelsea's Cobham training ground since yesterday afternoon.

So far, Gascoigne has been seen waving a fishing rod, a family-sized pack of Wagon Wheels and a DVD box set of The Rockford Files in a bid to get Cole's attention.

Security guard Bill McKay said: "Gazza keeps shouting at Mr Cole to put the air rifle down so they can watch the Rockford 'Making Of...' featurette over a glass of Um Bongo and what's left of his KFC."

Gascoigne stressed he had known Cole for years, insisting he was a 'good lad' apart from the infidelity, the self-pitying autobiography and general shit-eating arrogance.

He added: "But right now he's going to need a Haynes manual for a Volkswagen Polo, a Monopoly set with the dog missing and a giant pack of bourbon biscuits."

The crazed shooting spree is understood to be Cole's response after being recently out-fuckered by England team-mate Wayne Rooney.

Cole's agent, Tom Logan, said: "Since turning 30, Ashley's realised that he hasn't got many years left of being thought of as a piece-of-shit by football fans and normal people.

"Randomly shooting members of the public is a good, solid start. If only it hadn't been a student."

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/...-201102283581/