[Svatudjw]

Here's ten examples to start with... SQ = Stupid Question. SA = Snappy Answer.

SQ: "Do you wanna sell him/Can I have him?"
SA: "Sure, I'll trade him for a member of your family... It has to be someone you actually LOVE though"

SQ: "Do you wanna breed him?"
SA: "Hell yeah! Go to the animal shelter and adopt a spayed female Pit Bull, and we'll let 'em go at it. When you go to the shelter, make sure you specify a SPAYED female Pit Bull, and let them know you want to breed her with a NEUTERED male Pit Bull"

SQ: "How are you gonna feel when that dog mauls your kids?"
SA: "He already did, the wife too! At least it wasn't the other way around. I'd be devastated if my family mauled my dog, which in all seriousness, happens a LOT more often than the dog mauling the family."

SQ: "Man, don't you know those dogs are bad news?"
SA: "Yeah, but so was Hurricane Katrina. That storm killed almost as many people in 2005 as this little guy did that same year. Now I call him 'Hurricane Sam'!"

SQ: "Do you fight him?"
SA: "Nah, but sometimes we argue, and he always puts me in my place"

SQ: "You're an a-hole for owning such a vicious dog"
SA: (kneeling down and receiving hug and enthusiastic tongue facial from said 'vicious dog') "Yeah, that's right boy! WHOZ an a-hole? WHOZ an a-hole? MEEEEEEEE!" (looks at accuser) "Nah, we both know who the A-hole is here, don't we boy?"

SQ: "You must be compensating for having a small penis to own a dog like that!"
SA: "Well, my heart told me this guy needed a good home, so, I guess you're right, my penis is smaller than my heart... still bigger than your brain though."

SQ: "That's one of them KILLER dogs, ain't it?"
SA: (immitating Spricoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High) "He suuuuuuure is, duuuuuuude! Yeah, he's totally bitchen!"

SQ: "Is that a Pitt? Don't you read the news?"
SA: "Sure, I read the news. As far as I know, my dog is no relation to the Pitt family. I read that Brad's thinking about retiring from show business though. Didn't see that coming!"

SQ: "You know those dogs have locking jaws, right?"
SA: "Of course I do! I keep the key with me so I can UN-lock them though. I mean, I'm not STUPID!"

Post your own, or others you've heard.