[Pdarasenko]

hi. I posted on another thread of yours and I hope you read it. Please do. In the interim, I will say that i am very concerned that you are in a downward spiral. I see that in your subject you say "oh god oh god oh god" and that phrase speaks to the pain and anxiety you feel right now. That pain is understandable. And I am here to tell you that it is also manageable. And more than that, you can overcome it. You truly can. There are many others on this forum that can speak to that point. There is happiness after betrayal...

It really is time for you to reclaim your life...that is, you need to regain control of it. You appear to be very reliant on your partner for your emotional well-being and I think that puts you at risk because he has shown you that he is not concerned with your overall wellness. Right now you need to be your own best advocate. And if you fear that you are too tired...too worn out from the pain of his betrayal, perhaps you can rely on family, this forum, a church / social group, your doctor, a friend, etc. Putting yourself first doesn't mean doing it by yourself.

And you dont' have to climb mount Everest today. All you have to do is (a) commit to loving yourself, and (b) take the first step of your new path (no matter the size). The first step could be planning your exit strategy, ensuring it is a safe one. It might be talking to a lawyer about your legal rights. Maybe it is calling a friend and asking if you can stay with her for a few days while you consider what your next steps are. In any event, all you have to do is commit to taking control of your life....and take the first step. It all starts with that very first step, no matter how big or small.

I know that I felt so overwhelmed when I first discovered my husband's infidelity. It was rough...but somehow I knew that all I had to do is take a tiny step...I just had to manage one step at a time...and that made the process less overwhelming. I wasn't ready to climb mount everest...but I was damn well ready to love myself.

I hope you are able to love yourself. It is almost as if you don't know your mood until he acts ... you don't know if it is a good or bad day until you see what he's been up to. There is a better way to live. I know that there is a joy filled life for you...and I want you to claim it.

KitKat