[popillio]

Well if you hate being judged, you've got a tough row to hoe with kendo. Your sensei and seniors will always be evaluating you, and saying "do it this way, no not that way, this way". If you add in some sort of insecurity about how people feel about you... I don't know what else to say other than, grow a thicker skin. Practising with people better than you will make you better, and a year from now you'll be motodachi for some other newbie in bogu who will be feeling like he can't do anything right. Circle of kendo life. Always someone better, always someone worse.