[forotis]

Please enjoy:

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
-- Winston Churchill
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
-- Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
-- Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
-- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
-- Moses Hadas
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
-- Abraham Lincoln
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
-- Groucho Marx
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
-- Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
-- Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one."
-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...
if there is one."
-- Winston Churchill, in response
"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."
-- Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
-- John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
-- Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
-- Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
-- Paul Keating
"He had delusions of adequacy."
-- Walter Kerr
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
-- Jack E. Leonard
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
-- Robert Redford
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
-- Thomas Brackett Reed
"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."
-- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
-- Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
-- Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
-- Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
-- Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
-- Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...
for support rather than illumination."
-- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
-- Billy Wilder

cheers Michael

[22CreessGah]

haha! some of them are sooooo cruel! really!

[mussmicky]

Yakyakyak! Good stuff.






That is all.

[Sydneyfonzi]

read the insults with great pleasure. Thanks

[citalopram]

"Everybody loves you so much, girl.
I just don't know how you stand the strain."
- Elvis Costello

[broksaksaak]

"I have been called worst, by better"

[bapimporb]

"True wit is nature to advantage drest;
Which oft was thought, but ne'er so well exprest."

Alexander Pope

[BGThomasis]

"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force." -Dorothy Parker

"Why am I so good at playing bitches? I think it's because I'm not a bitch. Maybe that's why Miss Crawford always plays ladies." - Bette Davis (referring to Joan Crawford)

"The best time I ever had with Joan Crawford was when I pushed her down the stairs in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" - Bette Davis (referring to Joan Crawford)

"I see—she's the original good time that was had by all." - Bette Davis

"Degenerate and base art thou." - Shakespeare
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I found this site on Elizabethan Oaths, Curses, and Insults where you can generate your own.
http://www.renfaire.com/Language/insults.html

Examples:

You are fat.
By my trowth, thou dost make the millstone seem as a feather what widst thy lard-bloated footfall!

You've got a big mouth.
In sooth, thy dank cavernous tooth-hole consumes all truth and reason!

You are ugly.
Thy vile canker-blossom'd countenance curdles milk and sours beer.

[QwOpHGyZ]

hahaha..great great stuff

[estuapped]

yet again you have failed to live up to the very low expectations I have set for you...
You missed my favourite,
"you sir, are drunk"... "yes madame, and you are ugly. But I'll be sober in the morning". Oscar Wilde I think..

From me....
who taught you that kata, Conan the barbarian? (I hate people who twirl swords like batons)

hmm.... interesting. (my students cringe at this for some reason..)

[bMc8F9ZI]

Oscar Wilde I think..

Nope, Churchill...

Here's another great from Winnie:

Lady Nancy Astor: "Sir, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea."
Winston Churchill: "Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it."

[UitEz0Qo]

Ah man! Coffee all over the monitor and keyboard again

[encumeterz]

yet again you have failed to live up to the very low expectations I have set for you...
You missed my favourite,
"you sir, are drunk"... "yes madame, and you are ugly. But I'll be sober in the morning". Oscar Wilde I think..

From me....
who taught you that kata, Conan the barbarian? (I hate people who twirl swords like batons)

hmm.... interesting. (my students cringe at this for some reason..)

The drunk and the ugly lady, i remember reading it was Sir Winston Churchill

Uppsss, sorry posted before reading the end of tread!!!

[seervezex]

If you leave your party in Baldur's Gate idle long enough they start bickering with one another. One that stuck with me,

"He's an ok person.. in a, "What the hell is wrong with you," sort of way."

[easypokergonj]

Good stuff,

cheered me up on a cold and grey wintery morn.

[egershna]

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range."
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they ever touch a firearm."
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."
GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

[WrigleyMike]

I also like these...

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Is it time for your medication or mine.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

Don't you have any unexpressed thoughts.

If only you'd wash your neck I'd wring it.

If I throw a stick will you leave?

How many times do I need to flush before you'll go away?

[somasideff]

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range."
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they ever touch a firearm."
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."
GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

Hahaha, that was great.

[wheettebott]

I always liked the one by Dell Boy from Only Fools and Horses to a rather can't-be-arsed checkout girl..

DB - Did you sue them?
CG - Who?
DB - The charm school.

Have used it in Asda many many times.