Life changes, Imran's cat (RIP) and other stories...
 

You're on your way back http://www.discussworldissues.com/im...ons/icon14.gif

Human beings are basically social animals. We tend to be the most miserable when we're by ourselves.

Good first steps. http://www.discussworldissues.com/im...ons/icon14.gif

Originally posted by Zkribbler
Human beings are basically social animals. We tend to be the most miserable when we're by ourselves.

Good first steps. http://www.discussworldissues.com/im...ons/icon14.gif Thanks. You're helping. http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...lies/smile.gif

Originally posted by LordShiva
You're on your way back http://www.discussworldissues.com/im...ons/icon14.gif http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...es/biggrin.gif I posted the thread and had a look to see if it was ok, then i noticed my old location field said "On my way out". I thought that needed a change too.

Zkribbler, nto necessarily. I get 'depressed' and I use the word lightly, mostly when I'm with other people I know. That is, I find to be alone with the knowledge I have on few issues, and I find it that it is very difficult to get out a simple point out there, without having to face extremely stupid and invalid argumentation and basically the lack of any kind of debating skills. This is frustrating and makes you feel lonely. When I'm by myself, I don't have this problem.

Originally posted by Pekka
Zkribbler, nto necessarily. I get 'depressed' and I use the word lightly, mostly when I'm with other people I know. That is, I find to be alone with the knowledge I have on few issues, and I find it that it is very difficult to get out a simple point out there, without having to face extremely stupid and invalid argumentation and basically the lack of any kind of debating skills. This is frustrating and makes you feel lonely. When I'm by myself, I don't have this problem. I felt and still feel like that a lot of the times. I believe it's part of my problem and, in my case, it is one of the things that drove me away from people.
We're obviously two very different persons, so your coping mechanisms aren't the same as mine and what you read into this and what you make of this will definitely be different from what i did. Nevertheless, the one comment i have about this is: that is insignificant. What you miss by cutting yourself off is ultimately far more than what you gain by being alone IMO.

Originally posted by SlowwHand
I'm not through with this birtday business yet.
Here's what I think. I think there were threads, you both missed them because you were out galavanting around, and didn't see them the next day. Between Shiva and myself and others, I don't quite think so.

That's what I think. Now, I'm done. Sloww, one of the things i've done for the last few yearsbecause of this is spend most New Years eve alone. With lots of time for surfing. http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...ilies/wink.gif
I don't think there were any threads... but then again, my mind may be playing tricks on me.

Originally posted by Oncle Boris
I had noticed you were getting more regular here. Good to know you're getting better. http://www.discussworldissues.com/im...ons/icon14.gif http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...es/biggrin.gif

What would you do if i sang out a tune
Would you stand up and walk out on me
Lend me your ears and i'll sing you a song
And i'll try not to sing out of key

I get by with a little help from my friends,
I get high with a little help from my friends
I'm going to try with a little help from my friends

Ringo http://www.discussworldissues.com/im...ons/icon14.gif

Originally posted by Pekka

What you should not do in this istuation is to test your friendship in terms of not contacting but waiting for contact, ultimately waiting for the red carpet to be rolled in front of you, as a kind of proof that you are real friends with someone and they appreciate it as much as you do.

This is a mistake. Sound advice. The thing is: i never meant it as a form of test. Not conciously anyway. It had more to do - i think - with a distorted self image, a false impression of not being worth their friendship. And so i never extended mine.
To a lesser degree it's what i've been doping on Poly too.

Originally posted by LordShiva


http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...s/confused.gif http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...s/confused.gif But you posted in it http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...s/confused.gif Yes: this year. I was refering to previous years. I started my own - in advance - birthday thread this year because i thought it would be overlooked again. http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...es/biggrin.gif

Originally posted by Dis
I really don't think I have a relationship with anyone here. As some of you guys come to my city and don't bother to meet me. http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...milies/mad.gif. Only kidding. I know you are busy. So am I. But I know you guys probably wouldn't want to hang out with someone who you can't meet women with. And the past couple people have been here with the intent of meeting women. I'd just drive them away. If anyone from Poly went to Vegas and invited you for a beer, would you go? Seriously.

Of course! I did when Lancer came.

My work schedule could put some crimps in that. The beer may have to be after midnight. But if you are in Vegas. I hope you aren't going to bed before midnight.

Originally posted by Richelieu


Sound advice. The thing is: i never meant it as a form of test not conciously anyway. It had more to do - i think - with a distorted self image, a false impression of not being worth their friendship. And so i never extended mine.
To a lesser degree it's what i've been doping on Poly too. Right... so it's more about low self-esteem? Not seeing the value in yourself or the friendship you can provide? Well, of course this is very general, but I think what you've gone to do, possibly, is that you're trying to put a value to yourself, and you are unable to find those values, so that somehow means you are not valuable or your friendship isn't?

I don't know how you came to this conclusion, that you are not worth of their friendship, but they are usually (if not always) agreements made by both parties. If you are friends with someone, then they accept you as their friend. You know the cynical and materialistic world we live in, if someone accepts you as friend by even remotely familiar terms, then they most likely are your friends and you are worthy of that friendship. It's bi-directional thing.

people like to be liked. This is what I found out recently. Before I was always reserved and never showed any emotion to people on whether I liked them or not. Some people thought I was stuck up.

It's only recently I have even been able to make any meaningful friendships. Though one went down in flames last summer. Oh well. I'm not sure if I'm the best example. I'm friends with 3 people, and they are all women. I'm not sure if that's the healthiest friendship. I think in a way I crave attention from women.

Speaking of attention. My best friendship is with an attention whore. I hate to use that term to describe her. She's a sweet person. She was abandoned and neglected as a child. Then sent off into an arranged marriage. So I can't fault her for wanting attention. I want the same thing from her. I'm not sure how healthy our friendship is. We'll see how long it lasts...

but I do have more confidence now in my ability to be a friend. These people wouldn't be talking to me if they thought I was worthless.

Originally posted by Pekka


Right... so it's more about low self-esteem? Not seeing the value in yourself or the friendship you can provide? That's part of the equation... but it's a long equation and there are lots more variables.

I don't know how you came to this conclusion, that you are not worth of their friendship... Me neither. And that's another one of those small mysteries that paralyzed me for a long time. I am not able to make what i think of myself intellectually coincide with what i feel about myself.
But for this - and probably other stuff that i'm still unaware of - i think i am going to seek professional help. Consult a psychiatrist and see if therapy is indicated.

I seem to vaguely remember the thread about Imran's cat. Can't remember if I posted in it. I didn't spam err I mean post as much back then.

Right, right.. well, it seems to me, that you're feelings are working as deception, because there intellectually this would make no sense, and you are on top of it. So, if the feelings and emotions, as deceptive, strong enough, well you need to conquer that. I don't know, maybe it's purely some chemical balance thing? I really don't know, though this is pretty common thing people have. I'm sure professional help will at least be able to determine what the issue is, even if that's all they could do.. but they can do at least that much for sure so.. it might be worth the effort.

Originally posted by Pekka
Right, right.. well, it seems to me, that you're feelings are working as deception, because there intellectually this would make no sense, and you are on top of it. So, if the feelings and emotions, as deceptive, strong enough, well you need to conquer that. I don't know, maybe it's purely some chemical balance thing? I really don't know, though this is pretty common thing people have. I'm sure professional help will at least be able to determine what the issue is, even if that's all they could do.. but they can do at least that much for sure so.. it might be worth the effort. Who i am and who i think i am and who i feel i am and who i think i should feel i am. http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo.../dizzyanim.gif

http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...ilies/wink.gif

Anyway. The simple fact that i'm willing to even consider seeing someone for counselling is a major step AFAIC.

Thansk for caring Pekka.

Originally posted by Imran Siddiqui
I'm sorry to burst the bubble... but I've never owned a cat. Though my friends have had one. Did I start a thread about my friend's cat dying? I'm not sure if I did.

Though I do thank you for the sentiment, even if it should be directed elsewhere http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...lies/smile.gif.

And nice to know that you got some of that "community" feeling http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...lies/smile.gif. http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...milies/lol.gif Now this is too funny. I'm not sure what to say about this. I seem to be remembering Imran making some kind of cat thread as well. Too bad everything has been deleted. I don't think we have anything prior to 2005.

Irine sounds like a good friend. After all she didn't give up on you even after you gave up on yourself. That's real friendship. Don't abuse it or ignore it. http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...ilies/wink.gif