[foltdan]

When I've read a couple of posts almost bashing a woman for talking to a man other than her husband.

I have a fair amount of male friends... I'm not so much a tomboy, but I am a gamer and well, women are still a minority when it comes to that kind of stuff. I get a fair amount of guy friends, who do try to cross lines and want to talk about things that are inappropriate... but after years of this, I feel I have perfected the way to deal with this.

My point is, some women haven't. I have never cheated on my husband, but based on some of the things said here and other places I have read posts, I would be called a ***** and a ****. This bothers me a little bit, as I've had discussions with my husband over it and he fully trusts me. He's read conversations I've had and how I've dealt with it. I did have one friend go too far and try to pressure me into calling him "Just to chat". I no longer speak to that person, and I made it clear why. He violated my boundaries because I knew he was up to something more sinister, and tried to lie to me about it.

I'm friends on Facebook with my ex fiance, and male friends I had crushes on in High School. None of this bothers my husband, but I fear it would bother some other men.

Some women, by nature, enjoy the attention given to her by a man. I can't help but enjoy it when I go out and a man smiles at me, holds the door, and makes it obvious he finds me attractive. But I'm not a *****. I don't think of ripping his clothes off and f*cking him silly... that's just inappropriate. The same with my husband, I don't get upset when I find our waitress is flirting with him a little bit... we're all human, we all do that to a degree.

I think what bothers me is seeing things that may honestly be innocent that are being labeled as "cheater" behavior and seeing marriages dissolve over it... that's what bothers me. I understand maybe I'm not seeing the whole story, and they really ARE cheating... but what if they're not? What if, for once, your spouse is actually telling the truth?

I'm not trying to bash anyone here, call this my soapbox rant... but just because a woman talks to other men (since I do that quite regularly) does not mean I have intentions of cheating on my husband... He may have done a few stupid things in the past, but he's still the only one I want.

/end rant

[preptarra]

Hey

I agree with much that you've posted. I AM a tomboy (in a pencil skirt - haha). I have lots of male friends and I enjoy the friendships. It has been a very long time since any male friend crossed THAT line you speak of (like, not since I was a teen) - I always had firm boundaries and I've chosen my friends well, so I think that's why there have not been any issues for a long time.

I too don't like black and white thinking that is taken too far.

I have absolutely no issue with my significant other (if I had one - haha) having female friends. I would expect his relationship with those friends to be conducted with the same respect for his romantic relationship that I show.

There will be certain opposite sex people that you meet and you appreciate that they are OFF limits and you can't be friends with him (maybe he seems to disrespect your partner/spouse or your comitment to monogamy...maybe you find him smokin hot, etc).

I've gone to work functions and been whirled around a dance floor by a man not my spouse and NOT once did it become more than a simple dance btw friends / work-mates / boss/employee.

And ... ok...I also don't mind when a man notices I"m lookin good! And I didn't mind when women noticed my ex was smokin hot cuz...man...HE WAS. haha

KitKat

[BariGrootrego]

This I agree with you on. I grew up with 15 uncles, loads of male cousins and I am the oldest(my dad wanted a boy first). I have always been usually the only female hanging with the guys. I am comfortable with the guys. I learned to walk my ten speed bike with the guys. I learned to hoop and hunt with the guys. While growing up I was usually the only girl hanging with my dad and uncles on Sunday afternoons yelling at the t.v. while the DA Bears or DA Raiders where on.

I was the only female in my fantasy football league for years. I weight lifted with the guys for years and the former deacon never had a problem with me always being with guys. He knew that I wouldn't cheat. He didn't roller skate but I do, so I am a member of a predominately male skating group. I went to games with some of my male friends and he good with it. I was never jealous of him with women, though it is clear I maybe should have been. I haven't raised my children to believe you can't be close friends with the opposite sex. But I have raised them not to betray those who trust them.


I like your rant/vent/observation....whatever you deem appropriate.

[ireleda]

Quote:

[avdddcxnelkaxz]

Yes, please be more specific with what you are talking about. Here is my inappropriate behavior litmus test: If you are doing something with a member of the opposite sex that you would not do in front of your spouse, you are probably wrong. You are doing something you don't feel comfortable doing based on your own principles or the boundaries established in your marriage. Anytime you have to do something in secret like that, it is probably not good. I'm not saying you would be cheating at that point, but you would be going down the wrong road. Not you, personally, just to establish context. If a guy comes on to you in secret, like in your example, it made you feel uncomfortable and you ended it. Bravo!! That's what one would expect in a managomous relationship.

Boundaries are different in every relationship. I also play online games (MMO's) and I oftentimes hear guys sexually harass the females in our groups. Some of the women seem to like it, or are worse than the males, even when their husbands are online playing along with them. I can't judge the moral character of these folks, but it is not for me. It offends me, and I'm not even a female. I personally don't need my ego fed or affirmation by "friends" or online strangers. I know I am attractive based on how beautiful my wife is and others I have dated I guess. I don't need further validation of it at this point in my life. I notice women check me out all the time, but it doesn't make my balls tingle (being funny here).