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Old 02-10-2009, 05:20 AM   #1
YmolafBp

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Well thanks for the answers ladies.

The responses are fairly mixed and unfortunately it seems there aren't many guys that hang out here.

So what am I going to do? Heck, the person I'm interested in is very, very far away... We're taking it SLOOOOW.. i.e becoming good friends.

I don't plan on doing anything until I can gather the resources required to cut free legally.

- R
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Old 08-10-2009, 01:01 AM   #2
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Old 08-10-2009, 04:18 AM   #3
xtrudood

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YOu have been through hell and back with your "wife".
Yes get your divorce but i don't believe that going out with the opposite sex on an occasional date will send you back to hell in GOD's eyes.
This women has stollen enough of your time....don't let her steal anymore. You deserve to be happy....enough putting your life on hold for this wench.
BTW- Have you looked into the whole divorce thing? Do you know how long it will take? I wish you a speedy divorce so that you can get on with your life...
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Old 08-10-2009, 05:11 AM   #4
2swasseneons

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We each are entitled to our opinions. Some of us "do" believe in God and His guidelines for marriage. No one has to agree, but no one should be condescending either.
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Old 08-30-2009, 05:42 AM   #5
YmolafBp

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Default A Dillema I'm In. All Feedback Welcome
OK, let me pop the question first...

I'm still married on paper do you consider it cheating if I start dating?

And now for an explanation of my dilemma...

The short story is that my wh0re was cheating on me non-stop from even before we got married. She conned me into the marriage by making me think the child she carried was mine. You can read the entire dirty story in my thread if you're interested.

Aug 17 marked the "anniversary" of me fleeing from my marriage. I got on a plane and disappeared. I have not had contact with "it" from before I left. Up to now I have avoided contact with the opposite sex while I sorted myself out.

In my mind, heart, body and soul I am about as divorced as I can get. There is not a single microbe in my body that would ever think of coming into contact with the vile creature that once shared my bed. There are obstacles that prevent me from getting that official piece of paper.

My opinion is that the institution of marriage is entered into between two people with God as their witness. The only role that the state plays is to govern the legal and tax aspects of the union. My view is that I do not care what the government's opinion is of this.

So, with that in mind, if I enter into a relationship with another woman, do you consider this cheating? (Of course, if it happens that person will receive full disclosure of my situation.)

OK so fire away with your opinions....

- Roulette braces himself...
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Old 08-30-2009, 08:43 AM   #6
AblemTee

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That's kinda tricky... still married on paper is one thing... but you're living in a completely different country (if I remember right) and have had no contact with her since you left... she probably is still doing what she was doing, so I don't see it as cheating.

BUT that's my opinion. Others may disagree... but I do have a question, will you eventually be getting that piece of paper taken care of? Or are the huge obstacles going to prevent that?
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Old 08-30-2009, 01:57 PM   #7
JaK_MarkoV_Pi

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it is a piece of paper. When your marriage is over you know it. I would say leaving the country is a CLEAR sign of your marriage being over. I wish I could do the same, it would be better than divorce papers. Both would be ever better than that!

Anyway, it isn't cheating because they slept around while we had a legal contract with them. It is cheating because we had a vow of monogomy from them. Right now you have a vow of nothing to that woman. She isn't expecting you to stay faithful, come home, and share a bed. I see no problem.

Date. Have fun. Fall in love. Do whatever you want. Just be honest about it. )
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Old 08-30-2009, 03:09 PM   #8
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Go for it. Live your life. You do need to divorce her, because the more time that goes by, you are sealing her tighter onto your finances. Did she name you as father on the birth certificate? If so, you need to get a blood test, confirm you are not the father and sign away your rights so you don't have to pay child support. Good luck and get out there!!!
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Old 08-30-2009, 03:17 PM   #9
YmolafBp

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To answer some questions:

1. Yes, I intend to get that piece of paper as soon as I can afford to.

2. The kid isn't mine. And yeah, I'm named... I was in a crappy state that would force me into child support.

3. Finances? I employed Roulette's scorched earth policy. She can't touch the cash because I've already burnt through the stash.

Thanks for your responses so far.
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Old 08-30-2009, 07:45 PM   #10
AblemTee

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Date away Roulette.

And BCH is right, if you were to contest that the kid is not yours, you can have a paternity test done and get your name off that birth certificate. Then you wouldn't have to worry about child support
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Old 08-30-2009, 09:58 PM   #11
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Well, until I read Dogsrule answer, I was beginning to feel like the lone ranger here.

I have to admit that I agree with Dogsrule....In my opinion, you need to get your divorce if you want to date others. Bite the bullet and get it over with is my advice.

Now, having said that.... I'm not sure I could follow that advice and I would probably attempt to rationalize dating just as your are doing. The dating wouldn't be that big of a deal as companionship is companionship.
But we all know what comes next---and you are still married.

Sorry, probably not the answer you wanted.
SIS
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Old 08-30-2009, 10:42 PM   #12
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I still say go date, but if you can afford the date, you can afford the divorce.
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Old 08-30-2009, 11:30 PM   #13
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Divorce first, date next. You don't' want to give anyone ammo that could come back to bite you in the booty.
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Old 09-09-2009, 04:44 PM   #14
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Old 09-09-2009, 05:36 PM   #15
2swasseneons

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I felt disrespected and talked down to. We won't need to debate, you won't change my mind and I won't change yours. That's good enough for me.
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Old 09-09-2009, 08:18 PM   #16
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Old 09-17-2009, 08:14 PM   #17
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Dear roulette, I read your story. WOW! I am a woman, and I do consider myself to be a practicing Christian. I have a hard time believing your marriage, based on lies, adultery and deception was anything other than a civil union to her - sort of like the one you have with the utility company (in your case, the sewer department). A Biblical marriage is when two people enter into a covenant agreement. She apparently never made a covenant with YOU, even though you made one with her. From a Biblical standpoint, I don't think the two of you were "spiritually" married, even though you made commitment to her. One person making a commitment doesn't make a marriage, IMHO. My other thought on this is that I am pretty sure when you left, you made it perfectly clear that it was over and you weren't coming back. I don't think you left any misconception about that in anyone's mind. I mean, you did everything but torch the house with her in it. So she doesn't have any misconceptions about where your relationship stands. I think getting a divorce at this point is a technicality. As long as you're up front with your new interest . . . Or, you could just do like King David, Solomon and so many others, and have more than one wife. I don't mean for my answer to be an affront to anyone. It's just that after suffering so brutally at the hands of an abusive cheater, from day one of my marriage, that I also suffered brutally at the hands of my church because, even though he nearly beat me to death and left me to live with one of his girlfriends, even though I never agreed to the divorce . . . My church "family" now said I was an adulterer! As my lawyer told me, I should have killed him when I had the chance. No jury would convict me, and the church would forgive me for that! (It would have turned me against God, but I came to realize that God is often not any happier about what sometimes happens in the name of Christianity than I am) Sorry for my rant.
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Old 09-17-2009, 10:46 PM   #18
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Old 09-24-2009, 10:36 PM   #19
YmolafBp

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Guys and gals, thanks for all your opinions. I've read them all and appreciate the time each of you took to reply.

Some feedback on my sitch....

We're "dating" long distance... as in country and timezone differences. We're getting to know each other while I sort out my crap. This puts a damper on any physical activity but its fantastic on the emotional side.

A few of good things that have come out of this.

- It has litten a fire under my butt to get my legal issues resolved.
- I'm motivated to get my life back on track
- It has restored my confidence in "womanity"

Thanks again everyone.
- R
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Old 09-24-2009, 10:47 PM   #20
AblemTee

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Roulette!!!

I'm glad to hear things are going well with you and that situation.

Please let us know how things go in fixing everything.

Personally, I didn't see a problem with it, because that "wife" of yours was never really a wife at all.. but I'm glad you're going to take care of things
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