[Czrzftmz]

Needed to get some input on the matter, seems to be the only place I can think of right now.

To start we have been dating for 8 years and planned to get married when she is finished with college next year.
I love her to death but I feel like she is taking me for granted and the past year has been weird.
She constantly would hide and take her phone with her everywhere she went (even in the bathroom) and if I touched it she would grab it away from me right away and wouldn't let me see it...and if I got a hold of it most all of the messages were erased and she claims its because she gets a full inbox or w/e.

Last Nov I found pics of her at some parties, drinking a bit and also smoking (was hooka, not pot, but still she never smokes?) ever since its been a battle from her phone.
Now she tells me she has alot of school work and cant see me much and she saw me early yesterday (which never happens) because her class was cancelled via an email that she received right before I was leaving and wanted to go with me to look at some houses to buy.

I asked to see the email and she flipped out, wouldn't tell me her password, said she deleted the email (which she even keeps junk mail, her inbox is FULL. and she refused to show me that she "always" deletes her mail, which makes me think something has been going on. Everytime I asked her to simply show me the account she freaked. She calls me crazy; says I dont trust her; and calls these issues "comical".

So after she refused to show me I broke it off with here. Am I crazy like she says?

[Dfvgthyju]

Nope, you're not. Shes hiding something.

[lrtoinbert]

Im sorry to say this, but even if there is nothing going on with her cheating etc, and even if the trust is still there it sounds like both of you are getting under each others skin and basically piss**g each other off. When it gets to that stage I think it might be time to move on anyways

[wallyfindme]

You want some input? dont ask for input on a Internet forum.

[QQQQQ-Trek]

You want some input? dont ask for input on a Internet forum.

Well you thought CosmicGrooves looked like Simon Pegg so your input is fairly worthless.

[wallyfindme]

Well you thought CosmicGrooves looked like Simon Pegg so your input is fairly worthless.

Thnx....you really swung from the heels on that one didnt ya

[pataagusata]

I agree with Ghostbear. Now for my input!

Reguardless if something happening or not, you clearly don't trust eachother and it's not going to lead anywhere good.

[bs44MhUW]

No trust here what so ever. But SHE is causing the trust issues. If there was nothing to show, she would let you check your email/phone. There is NO reason not to. If there was nothing there, it wouldn't be a big deal for her to show you.


Get a key logger program. Then you will see what is up! Print off a few pages, and BAM!!!



Though, why would you even let her look at houses with you? What ever you do, do NOT let her sign ANY of the papers.
Just act casual, let her go, move on, get over it. 8 years is a long time, and for this sh/t to start happening, forget it.

[Pyuvjzwf]

No trust here what so ever. But SHE is causing the trust issues. If there was nothing to show, she would let you check your email/phone. There is NO reason not to. If there was nothing there, it wouldn't be a big deal for her to show you.

Firstly, you should really stop watching Glenn Beck. It seems to interfere with your ability to correctly frame an argument. Or are you really of the "nothing-to-hide" mentality?

I would never ask to see someone's private email. If we're at such a point where the trust has deteriorated far enough to go there, I would just ask her outright what she's hiding.

I greatly value my privacy, and while my fiance has a sealed envelope with all my usernames and passwords, she knows it's just there as a supplement to my will.

Get a key logger program. Then you will see what is up! Print off a few pages, and BAM!!!

That's one of the worst suggestions ever. There is no case where spying on your girlfriend can help you. Either she's cheating on you, in which case you will break up when you find out, or she's not, in which case you'll break up when she finds out you've been spying on her.

If you need to spy on your significant other, you should part ways now, without causing yourself or her any further pain.

Though, why would you even let her look at houses with you? What ever you do, do NOT let her sign ANY of the papers.
Just act casual, let her go, move on, get over it. 8 years is a long time, and for this sh/t to start happening, forget it.

That's a really painful attitude you have.

Listen, if you're the major income earner, you should speak with a financial adviser and an estate attorney about these issues, not get random advice from the internet.

On one point I would agree - if you think the relationship is not heading in the right direction, don's share ownership.

[bs44MhUW]

Firstly, you should really stop watching Glenn Beck. It seems to interfere with your ability to correctly frame an argument. Or are you really of the "nothing-to-hide" mentality?

I would never ask to see someone's private email. If we're at such a point where the trust has deteriorated far enough to go there, I would just ask her outright what she's hiding.

I greatly value my privacy, and while my fiance has a sealed envelope with all my usernames and passwords, she knows it's just there as a supplement to my will.

I greatly value my privacy, just like my wife does hers. Just, that I don't mind if she watches me while I check my email, she doesn't mind me watching her while she checks facebook. We can handle each others phones and look at received txt messages if asked or driving.
We both know either others passwords. Though, I don't check her stuff cause there is no reason too. She could check mine, but I know she doesn't and if she did, I wouldn't really care cause there is nothing to see.
I don't watch Glenn Beck very much, so I don't see what you are getting at. If my wife comes in while I check my email, not like I am going to exit it out like it was pornography. Now, if I did do that to my email, a red flag could easily be raised. Only reason to do that, is if I was hiding something.

Though, she isn't having ANY of it. Acting more like a sister. Deleting all txt messages! Wont let read them. Won't even let see the main page on email! WTF is that? She wont even let him read the email saying that her class was cancelled!!!

Most of the time, asking what one is hiding, you never get a straight answer, or they pu&&y foot around the question and you basically have to beat it out of them.

That's one of the worst suggestions ever. There is no case where spying on your girlfriend can help you. Either she's cheating on you, in which case you will break up when you find out, or she's not, in which case you'll break up when she finds out you've been spying on her.
If you need to spy on your significant other, you should part ways now, without causing yourself or her any further pain. How are you supposed to find out without having any kind of spying involved? Him just checking a txt message could be considered spying. Only way you can find out without spying is if she was straight forward, of which she is not.
If you spy, doesn't mean that she will know. She will only know, especially with a key logger, when you show her what she typed and call it off.

That's a really painful attitude you have. Seems like you have that too? You say if you need to spy, just call it off. Well, seems like he is at the point where he either needs to brake it off now, or spy to find out wtf is going on.

If you are going to break up, especially if she is cheating, why let it burden your heart? Best to forget it and move on. No reason to linger or add any more drama.

[agiopwer]

You did the right thing - she's hiding something. DON'T marry someone unless you are completely sure of it and trust them wholly.

[aliceingoogs]

She's hiding something from you... full stop. No sugar coating, no maybes, no moral high grounds here... I've experienced my fair share of this behaviour to know it when I see it.

A lot of people whom are hiding something or are lying about something use the 'agressive retort' as their first defense. It's to make you feel like the one in the wrong for asking questions, doubting them, and to make you look like the bad guy. It also helps to demonise your character in order to make them feel less guilty for whatever they are doing.

While I agree privacy should be respected (especially in the case of the mobile phone), when it gets to a certain point where her behaviour has drastically changed, if she was an honest person without something to hide she should be able to understand why you are having growing concerns about her behaviour.

My advice would be to tell her the god damn truth: tell her you have been having concerns with regards to her most recent behaviour and you simply want to work things out becuase you love her. Tell her how the behaviour she is exhibiting could be equated to your thoughts of her unfaithfullness and if she was a decent person she might begin to see where you are coming from. If she trully loves you back she will understand why you are concerned, and if she doesn't then tell her you are doing this for the sake of the both of you and it is otherwise making you very unhappy. If she is still agressive in denial then its obvious she finds you a burden on her life, wants to continue seeing you as a bad person and it may be time to let her go becuase lets face the facts: as long as she keeps acting like this you will be unhappy with her.

[Mboxmaja]

You should sort this thing out before you even look at getting a house together.

[Psymoussy]

I my ex always found the show Cheaters pretty entertaining. Maybe you should sign up for that.

Not much help I know.

[avaiftBoara]

Good thing you've done trust me.

[larentont]

Women are weird. The first thing any man will assume is that she's cheating. Hell, that was my first though too. BUT!!! She could be planning a surprise. That's what pisses me off about women. The lengths they go to hide it, and it's obvious that they're hiding something, really disturbs men. It's a stupid thing to do, because men will feel uncomfortable about that behavior.

I'd find out what it is before you accuse her directly. Women can never be understood. They can go from 0 to bitch in 1.3 seconds.

I would never ask to see someone's private email. If we're at such a point where the trust has deteriorated far enough to go there, I would just ask her outright what she's hiding.

I greatly value my privacy, and while my fiance has a sealed envelope with all my usernames and passwords, she knows it's just there as a supplement to my will.

When I die my crap is going with me. The only password my wife knows is the one to my online banking stuff. In the end she never did take over paying the bills, which sucks, because I forget to pay stuff.

I don't snoop through my wife's phone, and I don't mess around in her stuff. Everyone needs some privacy, and alone time. My wife is well aware that I demand "man time" in the evenings where I can watch anime, or do whatever. And likewise she's free to hang out with her friends, and do whatever. Those crazy marriages where the men demand that their wives never leave the house or speak to anything that has a penis usually don't work out too well...

[aliceingoogs]

I my ex always found the show Cheaters pretty entertaining. Maybe you should sign up for that.

Not much help I know.

Speaking of this, this one had me rolling around in tears! [rofl]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bTq9...eature=related

"She's helping me work out intimacy issues!" [rofl] Classic, his voice is muffled by the bondage mask!!

[Ceakicknunk]

I would have to agree that she was hidding somthing...and if she did not trust you enough to tell you or if she was cheating there is apsolutly no reason to keep her around....

Your not crazy sometimes its best to just trust your instincts....and I guess in this case you just have to hope it is the right thing

Then again I would also attempt to talk to her maybe what she is hidding is not that bad...or RainWind could very well be right...at least try to talk to her and if she still wont talk then I advise my orginal advice

[Tam04xa]

OK, while all the signs of her cheating and/or simply deceiving him are there. there may be a simple, innocent explanation.
However, I would suggest making sure your end of things is in order and, depending on the lease signatures, you're ready to leave or kick her out.

IMO, you're going to have to have it out with her - tell her that you don't feel you can trust her, and give the reasons why, and give her a chance to explain - if she doesn't do so to your satisfaction - and be very critical - then it's up to you whether to accept it or leave.
I'd be packed and leaving by now, unless there was a VERY good explanation* as without trust and mutual respect, there's nothing!

*I beleve there was a case not long ago when it did actually turn out to be a partner arranging a surprise event for the other person - happens but unlikely.

Oh, don't forget the STD check - always a good idea and especially if one suspects one's partner is cheating.

[edit] I see you did breakit off, missed that bit , it may shake her up a bit and re-assess her priorities. However, if she immediately starts hanging out with some bloke i particular, it may be innocent or it may be a sign she was already in some sort of thing with him and the above definitely applies!

[Amfdaaandhaq]

I'm sorry to say this but I feel a bit sorry for the girl.

Grabbing her phone? Asking for her email password?