[Qxkmsxsx]

Some things about my job seriously get on my tits, or they would if I had tits, but then again if I had tits I'd never leave my bedroom. Anyway, the 7th rule of technical work is "Be as vague as possible". This is not a rule for the techy, but rather the people after help.

The technician by his (or her) very nature is an inquisitive animal. If you want your PC fixing, be sure to leave it on his desk with no name, contact number or description of the problem, we love a good mystery!

We are also psychic. You may not think it, but we are. We are the next stage of human evolution. So when calling us for help or support simply mutter something like "It's broken" or "The thing keeps getting stuck". The rest of the required information we will pull directly from your mind. The number you are thinking of is 28!

We are also familiar with every PC ever produced, so if you need help with your Olivetti DX4987 Model 43A we can instantly recall that that model had a bug with the BIOS that drains the life-force from your children and gives Bill Gates an Erection.

If in doubt, repeat what you said, but in a slightly different order. It's hard to believe I know, but "I can't get on the internet since coming back off holiday" makes far less sense than "Since coming back off holiday, I can't get on the internet". Why didn't you say so, it's blatently an over-abundance of cheese in your modem!

It's important to remember that all PC's are infact the same, identical you might say. So if you need more memory or a new graphics card it's a simple as walking in and saying "I need memory" or "I need a bigger graphics card". Don't be fooled if some techno-babble about "What kind of memory?" or "Do you have AGP or PCI-Express" these are all terms designed to fiddle you out of money! If asked simply state "It's for my computer!" and the assistant will be so overcome with awe at your technical knowledge they'll likely give you it all free!

We are also the source of all knowledge, we know everything about everything and then some. If you have a problem with your Casio Camcorder you bought from Thailand and lost the manual, or if you can't install the latest Distro of Mctabbeths Uber Linux V4.666 on your 1989 286 PC, we know all there is to know on the subject without need for research. It doesn't matter if we sell it or not If we claim to have no experience of the hardware/software involved, don't buy it! Get angry and question our technical know-how, we'll be so excited by the challange we'll instantly solve your problem and cure your back-ache.


/rant