[bxxasxxa]

Maybe she's confusing DS9 with Avatar

[Ibrattnofich]

What I don't understand is why you're even trying to figure out the answer so you can respond. Do you still have a deep need to satisfy her every request? This is sick and it should stop. You should cut it off quickly.

As I've said on more than one occasion, I have a very boring job. Additionally, what I say on Apolyton does not necessarily reflect what I do in real life.

[jesyflowers]

I think requesting help on a talk forum in hopes of answering a trivia question for her is considered pandering.

[Gideleb]

Claiming not serious usually means serious but I'll take the hint and now assume you meant not serious. At my age, sometimes I have to be hit with a hammer. But i'm still getting an underlying sense of fixation.

[Elisabetxxx]

My only thought was Odo on the DS9 question. But I'm hardly an expert.

I'm not sure that I'm pandering to her. My responses to her have been cordial, at best.

This was exactly my approach to the ex. I wouldn't contact her, she'd contact me, I didn't want to be a dick so I'd respond with something brief and cordial. But she kept contacting me, and it made me feel crappy each time. Finally I decided it wasn't worth continually hurting my own feelings to spare hers and wrote her a long message telling her to leave me alone. It wasn't easy, but I'm glad I did it.

You should do the same, even if it is just a one sentence text. You should put yourself first.

[Agedprepdoock]

Yes yes, I understand, poly is different. But from I'm sitting you're doing your girlfriend a big disservice pandering to the wacko needs of the wacko. If she was still good looking and satisfying other needs then that would be something different. (a girlfriend is not a wife)

THIS! Sort of...

Stop sort of cheating on your not wife, in rah's words...

Why are people so dumb on poly when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex?

[jgztw2es]

There's plenty she did wrong, too, but I feel as if the majority of the blame rests on my shoulders.

tard.

[Drysnyaty]

so it sounds like you've made one mistake, and you keep revisiting that mistake. on top of that it seems like you're blaming yourself for the way she reacted to whatever your error was. sometimes, one just needs to wash their hands of an ordeal. clearly she still means a lot to you, but it is equally clear that the friendship is toxic, and will spiral in the familiar direction eventually.

[BrianGoldsmith]

Err, there's no cunning plan here. She more or less came out and said she wants to reconnect. And it's not because she's some evil temptress who gets off on pulling people's strings; it's because we used to be very close and she misses that to some extent.

But none of that means reconnecting with her doesn't have its dangers, anyway. I'm fully aware of those dangers, what with me having lived through them for the past 9 years. Again, however, the dangers are not a result of her being a sadistic harpy living off of my misfortune. Most of what went wrong in our friendship was due to me not clearly establishing boundaries between us, and me being madly in love with her and lying to my significant others about it. There's plenty she did wrong, too, but I feel as if the majority of the blame rests on my shoulders.

If I felt comfortable knowing that I would not make the same mistakes twice (or thrice, or four times, or whatever my count is at now), then I would attempt to be friends with her again. As it stands, I'm not confident that I've learned my lesson yet, which is why I've kept her at arms length since we stopped being friends 3 years ago.

It isn't about assigning blame. It is just about recognizing that having a relationship with her, for whatever reasons, is harmful to you. And protecting yourself from that harm.

[feeshyLew]

Basically if you have any respect whatsoever for your current g/f, you will act to terminate your association with your ex. I know you say she isn't, but from a mind**** capacity, she might as well be!

[xtrslots]

I tried my best to ignore that entire sentence...

[ITYfl01c]

To answer the original post, the answer is no. However, if you did want to be a dick, try the following:

solicit an anonymous forum for suitable text responses for every text you receive
pick a response at random and use it
see how long it takes for the other person to realize they are not communicating with you
use this experiment as the basis of a story (or some sort of psychology study)