[HakTaisanip]

Preliminary advice: keep at arms length.

How did she ruin your relationships last time exactly?

[aaaaaaahabbbby]

Also, if she harms herself it's not your fault, it's the illness. There's probably little you can do that will help her get better, and if you are sensing your involvement might actually make things worse, for her and you, I'd keep at arms length as Kitschum said.

[defenderfors]

I don't know what to do. Maybe hope that things have changed in 3 years and try to be there for her? And if you start getting attracted, end being her friend?

JM

[gkruCRi1]

Preliminary advice: keep at arms length.

How did she ruin your relationships last time exactly?

He was madly in love with her. How would that work with him in another relationship?

JM

[TessUnsonia]

Oh.

Yeah, she will want that attention if she is very depressed.

Keep her at arms length, but support her to get help (not by spending time with her/being her friend/etc, but just by telling her to get help).

JM

[accelieda]

BTW: much more important than what we think, what does your girlfriend think?

[provigil]

Recently, however, her perennial depression has reared its ugly head again. Our ability to support each other during our various depressive episodes was one of the really big parts of our friendship back in the day, and because of that she's reaching out to me now.

I'm living happily with my girlfriend and ... history shows that I will seriously mother****ing **** things up.

She needs serious professional help, which hopefully she's now getting.

When she's sick she might not be able to help herself try and destroy your relationship, if her depressive thinking makes it seem like that'd get more from you...

Also, if she harms herself it's not your fault, it's the illness. There's probably little you can do that will help her get better.

Is the Key phrase. She has screwed up your life before and you don't dare risk it again. It may sound harsh, but you already played that game and got screwed. You may think you still owe her something but you do not. That debt was paid. DON"T LET HER MESS WITH YOU ANYMORE. DO NOT RISK WHAT YOU HAVE

Ok, your friends are right. She destroyed your previous relationships.

Forget what I said, stay clear. She'll destroy this one too.

All of these = run away. She needs far more help than you can give her. Given the opportunity she will likely try to get you back to the position you were in before. Which is, obviously, a bad place to be.

[lrtoinbert]

My girlfriend thinks that I should be there for the EBFWRML if necessary, but that I need to be completely open and honest about all my dealings with her. However, I met my girlfriend after I stopped being friends with the EBFWRML, so she has no firsthand experience with the relationship-destroying stuff. (By which I mean the girlfriend doesn't possibly think the EBFWRML could be all that bad.)

That sounds reasonable.

What I meant by "make sure you involve your girlfriend in everything" specifically was let her know about all communication with EBFWRML, especially anything that crosses the line. And preferably have her there for most/all face to face meetings.

I understand why you care, and want to help. Just be incredibly careful if you do.

[24MurinivaMak]

make sure you involve your girlfriend in everything. Keep your eyes on the prize, Lori.

We know that this woman is bipolar, has already messed up your life, has huge emotional/financial needs, and is playing the suicide card. You are not in any position to be a solution for her.

When you see a train wreck, the instinct is to help the victims. But this looks more like a vortex or a black hole -- sucking in anyone who gets too close and destroying them.

[Spisivavona]

Heh. The nudie picture thing always seems to change people's opinion of her.

Yes, because it makes her seem malicious.

Maybe there's plenty of reasons for you to not think she enjoyed breaking up your relationship with those other girls, but I have a hard time reading it any other way.

[dXI9XFOA]

The EBFWRML and my first girlfriend are very close friends to this day, so unless we want to add DID to her list of mental issues, she probably didn't enjoy that, no. The second time, well, no one liked my second girlfriend.

She's obviously SELF-destructive so why would her friends be off-limits?

[DYjLN8rF]

She contends not that she is playing any card but that she has rationally decided suicide is the best, or possibly only, option for her. OK, read that back. There is nothing rational about deciding that suicide is the way to go.

That means it's either a cry for attention (the classic), or pure manipulation (whether plotted or instinctive), or the "logic" of an insane person.

Were I to tell her that I can't let her **** up my life again, she'd say she understood and stop talking to me. Talk is cheap. I mean, here she is, talking to you.

[OlgaBorovikovva]

She sent you nude photos?

Is she hot?

[hujdrftgkas]

OK, read that back. There is nothing rational about deciding that suicide is the way to go.

So I suppose you're not a Dr. Kevorkian fan?

[sbrscnds]

There is nothing rational about suicide from someone who is not doomed to a slow and painful death.

JM

And here she argues that she is essentially doomed to such a death. Depression is actually painful, and really bad depression is really painful. Additionally, there currently aren't very good treatment options for people with chronic depression. Her belief is that, if she is allowed to live, she'll rot away in a mental facility or her father's house doing nothing with her life until she dies of old age. She has no particular desire to do that.

I don't agree with this line of logic, btw, but I can understand it.

[u8MmZFmF]

For example, if she had to suddenly pack her bags and move to Mali to a small house there... probably her depression would become pretty minor... or go away even.

JM

[Clesylafabada]

I wasn't the only person she sent nude photos to. She fancies herself a model and can be pretty vain at times. It is possible that her explanation is genuine, but most people don't seem to think so.

You're not committing to an answer. Did you ever tell her it was inappropriate to send you the photos?

By the way you shouldn't be so taken aback by suggestions that she's a compulsive liar. Lying is very easy to rationalize, especially if you're an intelligent person. Be more humble and don't assume that you know everything that goes on inside her (clearly twisted) head. Judge her by her actions and honestly scrutinize your own feelings for her. Good luck.

[iiilizium]

So I suppose you're not a Dr. Kevorkian fan?

I was going to clarify, but I see Jon Miller has it covered.

[HelenTay]

It's little things like this that always made me think she was different from all the other psycho girls people always talk about. "She may be a psycho girl, but trust me, she's one of the good ones."

[goldcigarettes]

I only claim that I know her better than some random people on the internet who only ever hear the bad things about her. 1. You started the thread.
2. We only know what you've told us.