[dremucha]

As salamu alaykum
Let´s say that a person has married a woman and both live in a muslim-majority country, and everything seemed fine until she found out that the man liked to wear sunnah clothing, and his 'western' clotihng were very loose fitting. She absolutely hates these kind of clothes and demand her husband to give away all of his sunnah and baggy clothes, and only wear more tight-fitting, fashionable ones, like the ones the normal folk in the street wears and that he must fit in the local society. The husband refuses to follow his wife´s wishes and they fight, and every other day the matters comes up again because she still can´t agree with her husband´s style. The husband tries to reach and agreement that he would ocasionaly wears 'fashonable' clothing to please her but ocasionaly would still wear his sunnah clothes, but the wife does not agree and keep insisting for him to follow her wishes.
What would be a good advice in this situation?
Jazakallah

[Gideleb]

Do not be cowered by such demands!!! Once you give in, she will ask to give up more. Stead fast.
The kuffar has plagues the minds of muslims and inferiority complex has a lot to do with it. I know revert scholars who dawn thoab for salat and at religious gathering.
At the same time, please read the articles wriiten for new muslims. Your approach is correct, wear both. but do not argue with her.
http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/show...ht=#post596011

[blankostaroe]

who is the wife to demand anything from the husband? as long as he is not breaking any commands of Allah then she has no right to force him to do anything except for the rights that Allah has given her. forcing the husband to dress in a certain way is not one of them.

tell the brother to tell his wife, that he will get a second wife who likes him to wear sunnah if she carries on with her demands.

[SeftyJokipl]

Women are crazy.

Let the man not fight with her, instead take her out for a dinner and show more love & convince her

[MortgFinsJohnQ]

As salamu alaykum
Let´s say that a person has married a woman and both live in a muslim-majority country, and everything seemed fine until she found out that the man liked to wear sunnah clothing, and his 'western' clotihng were very loose fitting. She absolutely hates these kind of clothes and demand her husband to give away all of his sunnah and baggy clothes, and only wear more tight-fitting, fashionable ones, like the ones the normal folk in the street wears and that he must fit in the local society. The husband refuses to follow his wife´s wishes and they fight, and every other day the matters comes up again because she still can´t agree with her husband´s style. The husband tries to reach and agreement that he would ocasionaly wears 'fashonable' clothing to please her but ocasionaly would still wear his sunnah clothes, but the wife does not agree and keep insisting for him to follow her wishes.
What would be a good advice in this situation?
Jazakallah

Salam

show patience and forbearance. maybe take her to umrah, that might change her priorities and the situation.maybe in hajj she will realize the beauty and importance of sunnah attire.

not to generalize or stereotype because i do not know the details of this situation, but often converts and "born-again" muslims often forget that their spouse was not exposed to all the sam ethings he was exposed to. thus her commitment to the deen, knowledge of the deen etc. might be very meagre in comparison. the key is not to force things upon her but rather to try to get her to realize the importance of the deen and Allah and everything else will follow.

get your foundation down first, then a solid building can be built.

seek advice from scholars in your locality, don't place too much importance on the views of random strangers on the internet. that's my best advice.

[ManHolDenPoker]

Women are crazy.

Let the man not fight with her, instead take her out for a dinner and show more love & convince her

This wife has the decease of being dominant, something a lot of women suffer from. The first time would have been enough when he even stated that he will sometimes wear "fashionable clothes." He should have never done that.

Now the woman smells victory and wants his whole hand instead of the finger only.

You can't convince such a woman the nice way.

[ENCOSEARRALIA]

Brother Nomadic is right.

You should also work on her Imaan in general, take her to Islamic gatherings, get her involved with other practising sisters, sit down with her at home and try reading Hadith (not necessarily on the topic of women), etc. Of course this needs to be a subtle process, if you try imposing something on someone they usually rebel

I think brothers need to realise we do not live in an idealic world, the brother is emotionally attached to his wife irrespective of however his wife behaves, so you can't just expect him to get up an go.

[SeftyJokipl]

Now the woman smells victory and wants his whole hand instead of the finger only.
.

Sounds great

[ZanazaKar]

sounds like a nightmare. there's only so much patience one can endure. if it can't be fixed, i'd just divorce her and grant her the wish of a "fashionable" husband. sometimes people need to learn the hard way....

[saerensenatljn]

Don't do anything for now - convince her to first leave in khurooj, yes, just 3 days.

As-salamu 'alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh

I don't mean to offend you since I am sure your intentions are good but khurooj is not a solution to everything. You have to understand a person's background when you give advice. Advice must be given in a certain context.

I have seen a lot of people offer the option of khurooj as an option while they necessarily don't know the person's background at all.

In this instance, the brother hails from Brazil, not from the Indian subcontinent. Is khurooj even practiced there to a reasonable degree? Moreover, I find it quite odd that a woman should go out for khurooj. I personally don't like the idea. Is there such an event for women in Brazil? I thought only men went for khurooj.

Lastly, the woman in question has a problem with Sunnah clothing. I am going to guess that she might not find khurooj that find "fashionable", either.

[ticfarentibia]

Is this couple newly married? Do they have kids? Is the dress the core issue of why she is fighting and arguing with him, or are there other unresolved issues? Perhaps he needs to do a bit of introspection and figure out if there is anything else bothering her. Does he not have any tact in addressing this issue, and calming his wife down? Does he lose his temper himself? Does he judge her for not being as religious?

All things equal (i.e. that this is the only issue of contention, and that his wife is just hell-bent on not seeing him dress modestly), things do not bode well for this brother. Fighting everyday over something petty, demanding, etc ... His life will suck a lot, very quickly.

[mudozvonf]

If she is a convert, don't divorce her (yet). If she is a born Muslim from that Muslim majority country, then divorce her since she is not a good fit for your children. I would have said the same for a woman who has a husband who dislikes hijaab/niqaab

[dremucha]

Is this couple newly married? Do they have kids? Is the dress the core issue of why she is fighting and arguing with him, or are there other unresolved issues? Perhaps he needs to do a bit of introspection and figure out if there is anything else bothering her. Does he not have any tact in addressing this issue, and calming his wife down? Does he lose his temper himself? Does he judge her for not being as religious?

All things equal (i.e. that this is the only issue of contention, and that his wife is just hell-bent on not seeing him dress modestly), things do not bode well for this brother. Fighting everyday over something petty, demanding, etc ... His life will suck a lot, very quickly.

As salamu alaykum
Yes, they are newly married, without kids. The dress is the core issue, but overall she wants him to fit the 'normal' society of the country they are living in (her native country), both in terms of appearence and behavior. This brother don´t know what to do, he tried to speak with her and say it´s more close to the way that the prophet dressed and that it´s an important issue to him, it´s his identity, but she insists that he should adopt her cultural identity (despiste her being a practicising muslim, she seems to be very attached to her cultural identity). He is afraid of being harsh and hurting her feelings too.

[TimoDass]

Sorry for deviating from topic @ Brazilian convert.

Make Dua to the one who can change thing: Allah the almighty.
There is a very good dua which brother pluto has suggested in the past. Its very effective,

Read the following ayah 11 times and blow to the sky:

وَنَزَعْنَا مَا فِي صُدُورِهِم مِّنْ غِلٍّ إِخْوَانًا عَلَىٰ سُرُرٍ متقابلين

WanazaAAna ma fee sudoorihim min ghillin ikhwanan AAala sururin mutaqabileen
And We will remove whatever is in their breasts of resentment, [so they will be] brothers, on thrones facing each other. (47)

frdffrncsfmily.jpg
http://i1091.photobucket.com/albums/...frncsfmily.jpg


MAy Allah make it easy for you.ameen.

[PefeFoesk]

As-salamu 'alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh

I don't mean to offend you since I am sure your intentions are good but khurooj is not a solution to everything. You have to understand a person's background when you give advice. Advice must be given in a certain context.

I have seen a lot of people offer the option of khurooj as an option while they necessarily don't know the person's background at all.

In this instance, the brother hails from Brazil, not from the Indian subcontinent. Is khurooj even practiced there to a reasonable degree? Moreover, I find it quite odd that a woman should go out for khurooj. I personally don't like the idea. Is there such an event for women in Brazil? I thought only men went for khurooj.

Lastly, the woman in question has a problem with Sunnah clothing. I am going to guess that she might not find khurooj that find "fashionable", either.

I too was stumped when I read pluto's ''advice''. Not everyone knows what ''khurooj'' is and not everyone is a tableeghi jamaati.

[PefeFoesk]

As salamu alaykum
Let´s say that a person has married a woman and both live in a muslim-majority country, and everything seemed fine until she found out that the man liked to wear sunnah clothing, and his 'western' clotihng were very loose fitting. She absolutely hates these kind of clothes and demand her husband to give away all of his sunnah and baggy clothes, and only wear more tight-fitting, fashionable ones, like the ones the normal folk in the street wears and that he must fit in the local society. The husband refuses to follow his wife´s wishes and they fight, and every other day the matters comes up again because she still can´t agree with her husband´s style. The husband tries to reach and agreement that he would ocasionaly wears 'fashonable' clothing to please her but ocasionaly would still wear his sunnah clothes, but the wife does not agree and keep insisting for him to follow her wishes.
What would be a good advice in this situation?
Jazakallah

Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

Listen brother you have to remember why you became a Muslim. Don't let minor issues get in the way of you and your wife. Find a compromise that will make you and her happy.


Don't make a mountain out of a molehill.

[ZXRamon]

Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

Listen brother you have to remember why you became a Muslim. Don't let minor issues get in the way of you and your wife. Find a compromise that will make you and her happy.


Don't make a mountain out of a molehill.

How sad that you think that the Sunnah look of the most precious person in the world, our beloved Prophet sallallahu alaihi wassalam is a minor issue.

Allah will never love us as long as we follow any way other than that of our beloved Prophet sallallahu alaihi wassalam, from the way he smiled, to the way he looked, and every minute detail, which is why Allah preserved every detail of his blessed life.

The only advice to the brother would be adopt sabr.
Some women just don't change, and the same goes to men. May Allah show the wife of that brother the beauty of each and every Sunnah.

[tramadolwithall]

A daee does not lower himself to the level of the masses. He elevates them and directs his dawah to them. For effective dawah we must consider the mad'oo greater (in potential) than the daee.

You are one nice brother who is wasting his potential by being over zealous. Take sometime out and read Fadhail e Tabligh cover to cover in seclusion. It is a short book and will not take much time. Maulana Saeed Ahmed Khan used to say that our fellows read this book but do not ponder over it.

Please take this advice as tadhkeer. and do remember me in your Duas.

[PefeFoesk]

How sad that you think that the Sunnah look of the most precious person in the world, our beloved Prophet sallallahu alaihi wassalam is a minor issue.

Allah will never love us as long as we follow any way other than that of our beloved Prophet sallallahu alaihi wassalam, from the way he smiled, to the way he looked, and every minute detail, which is why Allah preserved every detail of his blessed life.

The only advice to the brother would be adopt sabr.
Some women just don't change, and the same goes to men. May Allah show the wife of that brother the beauty of each and every Sunnah.

Have you got comprehension issues? It is minor in the bigger scheme of things. Like Iman, Ihsan, Zakah, Sawm, Salah, Dhikr, Reading the Qur'an, contemplating it, etc etcetc etc etc etc.



There was a thread a couple of months back. about a sister who's husband didn't want her wearing niqaab, ALMOST EVERYONE including the MODS agreed she should take it off to please her husband and MAINTAIN the peace. Why shouldn't Brazilian Brother do the same???

[theatadug]

As salamu alaykum
What would be a good advice in this situation?
Jazakallah

Walaykum salam,

Make her a nice cup of masala Chai, sit down and tell her
''darling - pleasing society and seeking honor from them is not the way of success. Pleasing each other is better and my pleasure is in pleasing God. So please me by being pleased with my pleasant sunnah clothes''.
Everything will be 'pleaseful' then.

Bro, jokes aside and to be honest. These things you cant be advised over the forum. Such things you should be able to sort out amongst yourself without seeking religious expertise. When a wife becomes disobedient and transgresses then the matter becomes serious and could warrant religious advise. Otherwise if your wife wants you well-groomed and feels sunnah clothes dont make you look as good as she wants you then I mean you can always sit and discuss with her and resolve differences. People will give you a million advise and leave you confused. YOu might end up with really silly advise over a forum like 'divorce her' which I am not surprised has already been conveyed.