[kristloken]

Salams,

This is just something I've been grappling with for a looooong time (heck, it's even giving me a headache, right now, lol). I've had numerous instances where my mother or sister (my sister really is a brat) verbally attacking my faith (Islam), threatening to vandalize my janamaz (among other things) and attacking me for staying away from zina and women (accusing me of being gay) and even getting physical with me (my sister did try to break my fingers once...she faked that she was joking...and I felt like sucker punching her, to be honest). All the while, I've striven to eliminate any egotistical anger and control myself (I haven't had anywhere near the outbursts of verbal anger that I used to have...as they can't egg me on as much anymore). However, I feel like a real pushover so much of the time. Like, if their not attacking me personally, and their attacking either my faith or my rights, then don't I have a right to defend myself? I cry to Allah a lot...which as a guy, can make one feel quite weak and impotent, though we're told to rely on Allah (swt), if we can't properly exercise our masculinity, then how can any of us ever expect to be husbands or fathers? I mean, if I can't defend myself, then how could I expect to defend my (insha'Allah) future wife and/or kids? When I do get angry, my self-restraint either takes over...or I just plain and simply feel powerless. I just don't know what to do. My sister is plain and simply bitter and mean-spirited...jaded in the extreme. I'd love to seek out good company, but that's very hard to find...or those people don't really have any advice for me, though they do, thankfully make dua on my behalf. Anywho, I'm sure I'll have more to bring to the table for discussion, in the future. Please...I seriously need some honest advice, from people in the same or worse situations as/than mine, as I'm trying to become a better Muslim and my family (among other things/people keep dragging me down, as I make these efforts). I know we're not supposed to break family ties, but honestly, if I could, I would...though my family's influence will probably always stay with me...and thereby prevent me from ever getting married (unless I lie through my teeth, that is)...

Wa Salam,

Tempest Desh