[QqJamxqP]

Brothers and sisters, I would like to hear your take on this.

We know that in Islam (and even in general), we are only as good as the company we keep. That being said, before I used to practice the deen, I had a bunch of friends, though 99% of them non-muslim.

After I started practicing the deen a few months ago (), I cut-down (basically stopped) hanging out with these friends. One of my best friends (or used to be best friend?) is an athtiest. Amazing guy as far as being kind-hearted and being an all-around "good guy" is concerned, however the only thing I don't like about him (and a huge thing, obviously) is the fact that he is (or thinks he is) an athtiest.

I have tried making dawah to him, but to no avail, his mind right now is filled up with other things. May Allah guide him to the straight path, ameen.

This guy and I used to hang out a lot. I guess the fact that I wasn't practicing before didn't spark much discussions about religion. He knew I was Muslim and I knew he was athiest and that was the extent of it. But now whenever we hang out, we get in to some sort of argument/discussion about the existence of God, our Prophet , etc, and though I try my best not to get heated about it (I haven't so far), but rather just speak softly and ask Allah to help me say the right thing, some of the things he says are still unacceptable to me (such as denying the existence of God and Prophets (A.S.), etc) and I would rather those type of things not enter my ears, especially from someone I have control over hanging out with or not.

So I have basically stopped hanging out with this guy and don't plan to either, unless it's an absolute necessity.

Same with majority of my other friends, I am no more to be found at any hang-outs/gatherings like I always used to be... because they involve free mixing of both genders as well as being in restaurants and other environments where alcohol is being served, music is being played, and other stuff that I don't want to be around.

So, basically, I have disappeared for most of my friends. They sometimes joke with me when I run into them once a while saying stuff like "you think you are too good for us", etc, and I tell them straight out that you will not find me at any gathering where people are drinking alcohol and/or at parties etc because it's against my beliefs. Now whether they understand or not is upto how deeply they want to think about it and if Allah swt has willed it for them to understand or not, but I tell them the truth nonetheless. I don't make excuses to not hang out, I tell them the real reason they're not seeing me anymore.

When they do see me, I, , try my best to set a good example as far as how a Muslim should behave so they can get a real impression of Islam and maybe do some thinking of their own.

I know the advice usually given is "make new friends at the Masjid". I am involved with my local Masjid but , the regular comers here are mostly elderly uncles who I am of course cool with but they're not exactly individuals I am going to get together with to 'hang out' outside of the Masjid.

I guess I am just looking for some type of reassurance. Am I doing the right thing here, by basically 'abandoning' my old friends?

Or should I hang out with them sometimes as long as I can control myself & not drink/intermingle with girls and stuff?

[flienianO]

well if he is trying to get you to do bad stuff then stop hanging out with him but if he dousnt try to make you do that stuff just try to stop talking about religion with him and stay freids arguing with him wont help

[Maphpseurse]

I have heard from an aalim, not to break ties off completely as what other hope of hidayat do they have if you abandon them.
Don't engage in any of the haram activities they do nor attend the mixed gatherings, but perhaps once in a while engage in some halal activity with your (ex)best friend.
Give him some dawah. Plant the seed, and make dua that inshaAllah one day he changes his ways and the plant of imaan grows. Allah can change his heart in a second. You did well not to argue, keep it up.
If he does not want to spend time with you don't push it, but don't abandom him. Thats my opinion on the matter

Attend the programs at the markaz in NJ? Sure you'll find many youth there , spend some time on jamaat with them and you'll have friendships for a lifetime

[JosephNF]

Brother i thought giving up your friends to practice your deen was a prerequisite here ? lol ;p

Remember Hazrat Abdullah Bin Rawah Ansari (rah) and Hazrat Abu-darda (ra) were close friends and their
friendship continued even after hazrat Abdullah conversion to islam.
While his friend remained non muslim for a while until after some dawah sessions Hazrat Abdullah (ra)
showed up at his house while hazrat abu darda was out and smashed his in house idol to bits ... seeing
his beloved idol shattered on the floor Hazrat Abu darah (ra) accepted islam as well.
So it all depends on where do you stand in your deen ?

1) I would highly recommend to keep your self properly 'grounded' by being in constant contact with shuyookh and on top of
that in this day and age a bit of involvement with jamaat never hurts anybody. Once you make proper pious mutaqi friends
at the above mentioned avenues ( trust me it will only take a couple of meetings ) you are ready to phase them out of your life.

2) while you are doing 1) make sure you are in contact with your friends on your terms at places where you are in control at your house, at a basket ball court and try to keep it civil etc.

The benefit of all this would be not only your break up would be soft but intact you might inspire a few of your friends to make a
similar transition like yours. At least they won't think that somehow you flipped from their friend to a monster.

So yeah this way you would be abandoning some or most of them ( or they would abandon you when you start adopting more sunnah ).
All depends on your ikhlas and do not forget to pray for their hidayah.

[ButKnillinoi]

aoa,

good advice on this thread by the brothers. jazak Allah khair

[Qdkczrdi]

masha allah you are doing a tremendous job....may allah guide ur friends the straight path

[Marlboro-oroblraM]

The rule I try my utmost to observe with friends is that are they reminding me of the Aakhirah? Use this litmus test whenever you make new friends or whether you want to decide whetehr to spend time with existing friends.

When I say about a friend reminding you of the Aakhirah it does not mean that when you meet your friend you only talk about Islam. However, during the conversation the Deen is regularly brought up and after leaving him you are still thinking about the issues discussed. Insha'Allah in this instance even the time you spend with friends will be recorded as a good deed.

I hope this helps.

[CsFLhGNp]

Some advice that could be helpful.

"Some religiously inclined people and possessors of knowledge have erred gravely on the subject of 'istighnaa' (independence).
They understand that the object of being independent means not to meet and mix with the rich and wealthy under any condition.
Whereas, the aim of being independent is only that we should not go to meet them with a desire for their wealth and in order to
acquire fame and fortune. The purpose of independence is not defeated by mixing with them for the sake of their reformation and
deeni objectives. In its own category, this is neccessary. At the same time, we should be alert that through our mixing with them,
we do not develop in ourselves a love for wealth, name and fame." Hadrath Maulana Ilyasji ra.



You have given daawah to him, if he still does not understand, leave it to Allah SWT as hidayah isn't in our hands, what you could do is from time to time give him daawah again personally, at his home or somewhere one to one basis. Also, don't give it incessantly, he may just repel you. Or why don't you get a scholar to do it IF possible & he is willing to listen. Whats important is don't let his kufr filled words affect you in anyway, say/ remind yourself in your heart that you believe in Allah SWT blindly, proof's are needed for him, not for us.

[Colorostikse]

"The good companion and the bad companion are like the bearer of musk and the one who pumps the bellows (keeps a fire going), With the bearer of musk, either he will give you a share, or you will buy from him, or you will smell a pleasant scent from him; but with the one who pumps the bellows, either he will burn your clothes or you will smell a foul stench from him" (Bukhari and Muslim)

One should look carefully to whom he/she associates with, as these are the people with whom one will be resurrected on the day of Judgement. It may ease your difficulties to know that there are countless brothers and sisters before you who have gone through these same issues. One should try to always associate with those of stronger iman than one's own, particularly if one has more recently started practicing etc because one will be less 'immune' to the negative influence of corrupt people. It may be difficult to part with people, but with hindsight inshaAllah you will easily see that their influence may have led you down a dangerous road.

I would limit your interaction to the normal kind of da'wa you would do with other people you meet randomly, at work/in society, and Allah will decide whether his heart will be open or not.

"A good friend is better than solitude, but solitude is better than mingling with bad people." (Behar al-Anwar)

[Maryjasmine]

i find that with keeping not-so-good company, before getting to influence those type of friends they end up influencing you!

but i guess that doesn't go for all, some people have really strong imaan and they can be firm in their deen and make an impact on others even while associating with "bad company".

[dwestemesse]

No friends better than bad friends