[mvjvz]

Hi everyone,

I haven't posted in a while but I visit to read some threads once in a while.

It's been 1.5 years now since IT happened. I've been mainly doing well after picking up the pieces, until last night, that is. It had been a stressful week at work and a bad Friday to top it off - people being uncoorperative at work etc. The usual me would have just shrugged it off but I had been feeling low and rather sorry for myself the last few days, so when I got home yesterday i had a minor meltdown and cried myself silly.

The world just suddenly felt so unfair. Why is it that people who are nasty have a partner to go home to and I don't???!!! Okay... I know this thought doesn't really make much sense but I think it's just from me feeling rather tired and low in energy.

Although I am entirely capable of surviving on my own in this world, I would much rather share it with someone else, and sometimes I worry that I am going to have to spend it alone. It's a difficult time when my friends are married, engaged or having babies and I feel like I am never going to experience that part of life. Why haven't I met this man who is apparently out there in the world waiting for me (my mother assures me that this is so!!)

I'm 33 and although I've never had a great desire to have children I am suddenly concious that time is starting to run out and one day I won't even have that choice of whether i want children or not.
Deep breath. I realise that life could be a lot worse and that I should not dwell too much on this but I wish God would shine a light on me.

Sorry about all this whinging but I needed to get it off my chest. I realise that there are some others going through much worse than what I did.