[Garry Hovard]

Feeling like finding a significant other that won't cheat- emotional or physical- is a losing battle.

Where are the significant others that are like us? The ones who abhor cheating. We seem to be a dime a dozen.

Another poster mentioned the 80% statistic. I'm only 22 and still looking for 'the one' but ha, seems like a fat chance now for a truly committed spouse. Since ending my relationship, my inner cynic has finally made its debut.

[tinamasak]

This topic has been mentioned in other threads recently. I don't know what the statistics are, but my feeling is that they are high. I know in my personal life I see or hear of so much of it. Moral decay? I think ethics and morals are still strong in a lot of people, but I could be wrong. We're in a very specific place on this forum.

How do you find someone else who won't cheat?? Great question! Wish I knew that 20 years ago. At 22, you've got plenty of time. Genuine honesty is a good start. Have your BS detector set very high. Any hint of even slight BS & your odds drop dramatically. I think dishonesty and cheating go hand in hand. I think if you meet someone who displays true humility, then you're on the right track.

And it pays to have a degree of cynicism.

[GOLAGLULT]

Anyone who has an answer to this should bottle it and sell it.

I wish I knew. I met my CH when I was 19 and he was 22. We've been together on and off since then and married almost 14 years. I know (or thought I knew) this guy like the back of my own hand. I had dated cheaters and he just wasn't the type. He was honest and loving and committed. He was loyal and sweet, without a roving eye. He was devoted to me and I him.

When I was 26 we got married and I didn't even consider cheating a remote possibility for us - it simply was never an issue. I cannot stress enough how much trust I placed in this man. I am a born cynic and I trust very few people in this world. That is one of the hardest things I'm dealing with...I've lost my sense of self - my ability to read people - I'm fearful that I don't know lies from truth anymore.

Finding out that 5 years into the marriage and again 11 years in, he had cheated was a major shock. I just found out about both 2 months ago - so I'm kinda new at this. It was just not something I would expect from this man. I thought I chose better. I thought FOR SURE I was in an affair-proof relationship/marriage.

Anywho...if anyone ever figures out the formula for this, please share!!!

[aLZ9zKsO]

When I got married at 34 and husband at 36, after only knowing each other for 1 year, I thought he would've sowed all his wild oats by then. Nope, he only entered middle-life crisis 4 years later, to carry on like a 16y.o. immature horny schoolboy. Wish he had bought a motorbike like other men do if they have a mid-life crisis. But I'm not making excuses for him, after a lot of reading and insight, I believe he is a true sociopath.

If I ever get round to leaving him, I will never enter another relationship again no matter how lonely I get. All I want now is my freedom and my life back and to do what I want to do, not have anyone telling me what to do or having to explain myself to anyone.

I never had infidelity occur in my family growing up and nor was I aware of it until my late teens. I guess I was protected from such things as a child. My CH on the other hand was exposed to a cheating mother (dunno about the father, probably was), and that is why I think he doesnt think infidelity is such a big deal. Hey just part of normal growing up for him so just carried on the family tradition, not that I was made aware that he came from a family where cheating occured, that is their family secret, and hey presto, now I have the same family secret. Talk about not learning anything from past mistakes.

At only 22 nbryan1 you have your whole life ahead of you. Cherish it and enjoy your freedom.

[bUqLfXRI]

I thought I was one of the lucky ones, I really did. Granted, what my husband did I was able to forgive him for, the affair was only emotional, but I still thought I was one of the lucky ones.

I know personally of many marriages, especially in my family, where cheating occurred.

Life sucks.

[zooworms]

I can't believe that. If I do it would mean my children may as well give up hope of having a faithful spouse. I won't throw in the towel yet. I believe that their are more of us out there than we know about.

[aburva.org]

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[aLZ9zKsO]

My CH had been single for about 2 years before he met me. He was previously meeting women through the personal ads in paper (pre-internet dating sites), and matchmaking agencies. I'm pretty sure he slept with alot of the women he met. He unfortunately couldnt be monogamous because he was used to a certain lifestyle of casual sex with anyone. He loses interest in women once he has had sex with them, he always had a low libido with me right from the start. This should have been a red flag to me, along with him constantly looking at other women when out on a date with me.

To this day he doesnt miss an opportunity to flirt, even in my presence with a bloody waitress at sizzler last week, his eyes lit up and he said "yes I can pay you cash" in a real flirtatious way. See, he just cant help himself, a true womanizer. Mentioned it to him and of course he denies it, says I am just looking for an argument and now we can never go out to dinner again. He does it unconsciously. I've looked at other men when speaking to a waitress or whatever and they just act casual, not flirty, just treat her as another person, my CH sees it as a chance to prove something to them, that he is witty, funny, or whatever other reason he has to do it in his screwed up mind. He will never change and I know it.

[zooworms]

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[Goksiodiffeli]

Marriage is a fraud, and the only ones who benefit from them are lawyers. We are pressured into them because society says that's what we are supposed to do. But should we? Why do we need peices of paper that say "I love this person?"

What started as a religious institution has become a government sanctioned nightmare. I've done it twice now. Both times failed miserably. Don't think there's going to be a third.

[Garry Hovard]

Lance01- Because some of us want to find a spouse. There is nothing wrong with that. You have your lifestyle, I have mine and the others on here have theirs. And if I want to call the person that I'm looking for to marry 'the one' then I can.

[Vznvtthq]

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[Markdogas]

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[Sakkola]

I think cheating and divorce is just commonplace. No one respects a wedding ring. They don't care, they still will hit on a married person or date a married person. I think media has just made us numb to affairs. I think the media also doesn't show how tough divorce is. Movies, tv, make it look so easy.

I think there is "a one". Maybe you haven't found him/her yet. I don't think a good way of preventing cheating is not to never get married (bf/gf cheat too and it can hurt just as much) but communication. If you can have really open communication with honesty and no judgement and intimacy on an emotional level, you have half the battle won.

I thought I communicated well with my husband. Turns out I wasn't. It's not an excuse for his behavior but if I really had listened (not just heard) to him and questioned his silence/moods, I may have found out sooner or prevented him from being vulnerable to a predator. He still made the choice, but maybe I could have caught on sooner.