[brulpcoersero]

Quote:

[zooworms]

Quote:

[XU8i6ysK]

I just turned 24 and I feel just as you do. I've never been a trusting person and I always said I would never get married. I just didn't see myself getting that close with anyone. Well I met my CH and things were just different. We were both so devoted and he made a point to let me know from the beginning that cheating was the one thing that he would not tolerate. I agreed and I finally let myself be open and really close to someone. In hindsight, I should have stuck with how I've always felt. I'm not saying there aren't any trustworthy people in this world, I just have no way of knowing who they are. I was just so caught off guard by this that I don't trust my own judgement anymore. I'm at a point now where I don't want to give anyone the chance to do this to me again. The only person I know I have full disclosure from is myself and so I'm the only person I trust.

[Garry Hovard]

Feeling like finding a significant other that won't cheat- emotional or physical- is a losing battle.

Where are the significant others that are like us? The ones who abhor cheating. We seem to be a dime a dozen.

Another poster mentioned the 80% statistic. I'm only 22 and still looking for 'the one' but ha, seems like a fat chance now for a truly committed spouse. Since ending my relationship, my inner cynic has finally made its debut.

[tinamasak]

This topic has been mentioned in other threads recently. I don't know what the statistics are, but my feeling is that they are high. I know in my personal life I see or hear of so much of it. Moral decay? I think ethics and morals are still strong in a lot of people, but I could be wrong. We're in a very specific place on this forum.

How do you find someone else who won't cheat?? Great question! Wish I knew that 20 years ago. At 22, you've got plenty of time. Genuine honesty is a good start. Have your BS detector set very high. Any hint of even slight BS & your odds drop dramatically. I think dishonesty and cheating go hand in hand. I think if you meet someone who displays true humility, then you're on the right track.

And it pays to have a degree of cynicism.

[GOLAGLULT]

Anyone who has an answer to this should bottle it and sell it.

I wish I knew. I met my CH when I was 19 and he was 22. We've been together on and off since then and married almost 14 years. I know (or thought I knew) this guy like the back of my own hand. I had dated cheaters and he just wasn't the type. He was honest and loving and committed. He was loyal and sweet, without a roving eye. He was devoted to me and I him.

When I was 26 we got married and I didn't even consider cheating a remote possibility for us - it simply was never an issue. I cannot stress enough how much trust I placed in this man. I am a born cynic and I trust very few people in this world. That is one of the hardest things I'm dealing with...I've lost my sense of self - my ability to read people - I'm fearful that I don't know lies from truth anymore.

Finding out that 5 years into the marriage and again 11 years in, he had cheated was a major shock. I just found out about both 2 months ago - so I'm kinda new at this. It was just not something I would expect from this man. I thought I chose better. I thought FOR SURE I was in an affair-proof relationship/marriage.

Anywho...if anyone ever figures out the formula for this, please share!!!

[aLZ9zKsO]

When I got married at 34 and husband at 36, after only knowing each other for 1 year, I thought he would've sowed all his wild oats by then. Nope, he only entered middle-life crisis 4 years later, to carry on like a 16y.o. immature horny schoolboy. Wish he had bought a motorbike like other men do if they have a mid-life crisis. But I'm not making excuses for him, after a lot of reading and insight, I believe he is a true sociopath.

If I ever get round to leaving him, I will never enter another relationship again no matter how lonely I get. All I want now is my freedom and my life back and to do what I want to do, not have anyone telling me what to do or having to explain myself to anyone.

I never had infidelity occur in my family growing up and nor was I aware of it until my late teens. I guess I was protected from such things as a child. My CH on the other hand was exposed to a cheating mother (dunno about the father, probably was), and that is why I think he doesnt think infidelity is such a big deal. Hey just part of normal growing up for him so just carried on the family tradition, not that I was made aware that he came from a family where cheating occured, that is their family secret, and hey presto, now I have the same family secret. Talk about not learning anything from past mistakes.

At only 22 nbryan1 you have your whole life ahead of you. Cherish it and enjoy your freedom.