[textarchive]

[Mabeavyledlib]

Good one!

[inofindy]

@ all of them!

[mealiusarses]

[ZAtlLVos]

"Well" she replied, "Do you remember the time you were running for president of the country club, and you were only 40 votes short?..." That was GREAT!!!

[VXHLrsO1]

Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. Tears running down her face, she held his fragile hand. Her praying aroused him from his slumber; he looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.

"Becky, my darling" he whispered.

"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."

He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something that I must confess."

There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky. "Everything's all right, go to sleep."

"No, no! I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know, sweetheart," whispered Becky, "now be quiet and let the poison work!"

[myhackingtosh_ws]

See! See! See what a little side action will get ya!

[Kilaoksrsa]

Here's another one!


A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some
cyanide. The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained that she needed it to kill her husband.
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give
you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my
license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things
will happen! Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!"

Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her
husband and the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't
tell me you had a prescription."

[DP5Ups8o]

[gortusbig]

excellent

[Eunatis]

AHAHAHAHA!!

That reminds me of another one, I don't think I've told it here before.

A man was on his deathbed, with his wife of 40 years by his side. As he lay dying, he looked at his beloved and asked, "Darling, have you ever cheated on me?"

Not wanting to lie, she confessed, "Yes, but only 3 times."

"What?!" Cried the man. Then he said, "Well, 3 times in 40 years, that's not so terrible. But, when, and with whom?"

"Well" his wife answered. "Do you remember the time you were up for that big promotion you had worked so hard for, and it looked like your boss was going to screw you over again?"

"And you slept with my boss to get me the promotion?" he sobbed. She nodded here head. He was so touched by her devotion to his career.

"What about the second time?" he asked.

"Well", she continued, "Do you remember the time you got accused of embezzling the firm's money and it looked like you were going to be sent to prison?"

Tears welled up in his eyes. "You mean you slept with the judge to keep me out of jail?" he cooed. Again she nodded. His heart was full of love for this unselfish woman. Then he choked back the tears as he asked "And the third time, my love?"

"Well" she replied, "Do you remember the time you were running for president of the country club, and you were only 40 votes short?..."