[Kneefrenolf]

salam

[putza]

Salam Friends.....Its been few months that I had written a post here regarding my personal love life issues under the title of LOVE PROBLEM. A brief summary is that I fell in love with a guy and how everything went. We had physical relationship and promised each other to look after another through thick and thin. But later on that when I asked him to marry me, he refused. He mentioned the caste issues and other issues of his life. He had an affair with another girl before with whom he was physical for six years and wanted to marry her too. but her parents married her to a doctor. He felt bad because he only wanted to marry her because according to her she was the best and of a sound character too. according to him the sound character was to have premarital sex with only man man at a time. well before our committment I always asked him that I would marry you. and he always said that he would try. But later on he refused for no reason. He said you are stubborn girl and i want to marry the girl of my parents' choice bla bla bla..
The reason I am writing here is that when I had posted my problem over here then everyone gave so many suggestions to me. I did everything to get myself out of this problem. i am talking to a counselor also these days. But I am still standing at the same place. I still wish If i could convince him to marry me but i failed badly. He still says that love does not mean to marry. He asks that if you love me then just have sexual relationship with me but i wont marry you because you are a stubborn girl and so if you want to marry then marry the man of your family's choice. But i said to him that i cant do this because i love you only. its been 6 months now again that i have been trying to convince him but still no use.
I dont know whats wrong with me. I know unfortunately that what is right and what is wrong, i know what is the difference between ethical and unethical, i know what are the moral values, unfortunately i know everything but still my mind and heart says that he is my man and i have to convince him. I accept he lied to me because he never wanted to marry me and used me physically then why i am unable to forget about him. what is wrong with me. I am getting revengeful, I keep on planning how to kill him because he ruined my self, he took away my virginity and left me alone. He is a pathetic liar I know but then why i still want him. I pray alot and read quran daily and keep on supplicating to Allah to help me than still the things are not changing.
Every night i dont feel like sleeping, I feel stressed and tensed. I have gone into depression. I hate myself and i hate everyone. I feel like committing suicide because due to that man i have lost my self confidence, my love, my sincerity my everything. I begged him so much for marrying me because i dont want to marry someone else and cant ruin the life of another man. I know guys want to marry a clean virgin girl but then how i can fulfil this criteria now as i myself know the reality. this life is becoming a burden for me. every moment is becoming aweful. he is always on my mind. I know i love him still but i want to murder him because he ruined my life. i am unable to forgive him. i keep on cursing him. but i now feel that instead of cursing him I am cursing my own self by facing this pathetic psychological situation. i want to run and and want to kill him for sure. why why why i am thinking like this. i know its haram i know what i did was haram then why i am still not doing anything good.
i am facing severe mental tensions and pressures, i have also talked to my friends about this situation but still i am hopeless because inside i feel like convincing him. i keep on thinking about the plans that how to convince him. he was a liar, he used me, he made me feel like a trash, he never wanted to marry me, he always refused marrying me then why am i still in love with him. what is wrong with me. why dont i understand. I always prayed to Allah for blessing me with the best man and then he just came into my life. if he was not destined for me and although i prayed for a good man then why did he come. I pray to Allah for getting me out of this situation. I seek forgiveness from Allah. i pray alot and do continuous astagfaar. as a muslim i am trying my best to now put my trust on allah only then why i am still depressed. why dont i forget him. should i commit suicide or what? O my God what i am talking. i dont know what to do now. i have to have a neat clean life. I just want to love my husband only but i just wonder that i tried so much then why Allah didnt destine him for him. i did so much to convince him then why Allah didnt listen my prayer. I know i did bad bad stuff but I never wanted to it just happened in love with that man.
now why he is not ready to marry me if he had sex with me, why why why. how to forget about this past and how to get out of this. i really dont know because whatever strategy i have used gone useless. nothing is working in my situation. it seems i have gone crazy.
I know Allah is angry with me but he is the most Merciful the Most forgiving. I get so much upset and angry when i think that he would marry someone else. this thought make me mad. i get so much exasperated that i really want to kill him. I DONT KNOW WHAT IS THIS. this was not me. but this is me.
Please tell me what to do now
I want all of you to pray for me.....please suggest me what to do.....advise me sincerely......i am helpless for myself

Just relax, and take it easy, see the brighter side of the things, that before you didnt understand the hikmah and wisdom behind the rules of Shariah, but now you have first hand experience that to go against Allah's command actually brings upon harm to our life. So you should be positive, you have knowledge of this with certainty now, And you should change yourlifestyle.

CHange your aim in life, it seems your sole aim in life is to get married and find that love of your life, and now he is backing of so you feel your whole life is done. Wakeup from this sleep and dream. Move on, there is much more in life. You have to prepare for your aakhira. MArriage is a need in life, not the aim, Keep asking Allah for a succesfull marriage and work hard for your real goal in life and that is to please Allah. Life is short.

Look around yourself in the world, people are going through alot of trouble, some have physical illnesses, and are on their beds for ever, cant move cant do anything. Look at people in somalia, everyday they are going through hunger. Look at people in Syria and palestine, they are oprresed and are not sure when a tyrant soldier will come and rape and kill them.

You have time, health, and maybe also wealth. Use it for your betterment. get out of this immature state, just tell the shaitan that fine you like a boy and you made a mistake , but now you have repented and you are moving to the real aim in life and not wasting anymore time in listening his whispers.

Break all your contacts with him, think as if he has died, and start your life again, make goals how to improve your Deen and Duniya. Get yourself busy with productive things. And for your physical and emotional needs, ask Allah to make conditions easy for you.

Shaitan wants you to be stuck on this matter, makes you feel like a looser, and would love to see you kill yourself . Fine being a virgin is a good thing, but so what if you are not anymore, where does it say that only virgins will be allowed in Jannah.Every women looses virginity, all your mistake was that you just went too fast with it, and did not wait for the right time and right place. And its okay, what matters is, have you learnt your lesson, and are you going to still make the same mistakes or not?. If Allah wills he can bring in a boy in your life who will llove you to death, once again and will marry you. But First , you have to come onto the terms of Allah. Change your lifestyle. Change your priorities in life, get on with the correct business, and inshAllah Allah will make things easy.

So if you keep on remembering the boy and your sin , and ignore the rememberance of Allah , then shaitan will keep whispering in you. But if you channel your love emotions from that boy, to Allah . and use your intellect, that your aim in life is to please Allah, then there is hope for you to recover.

May Allah help you and change the condition of your heart and make you see the unimportance of that man, your sin, and past actions, and fill you up with the awe and importance of Allah and his obedience and his mercy and correct goals in life.

[vNQmO2BF]

You are definately not in love with him, this is not love at all. You are in a trap of shaytan and most probably you have very low self esteem to allow someone to treat you like this and still go back to him.

nobody can help you unless you help yourself, praying and making dua is not the only thing that will keep you away from him you have to make the effort yourself not expect duas to automatically fix things without you trying

change your phone number, close your email accounts, cut off every sort of contact you have with him, only you can do this

this guy has zero respect for you, you will probably be happier being unmarried all your life than to be married to him. Don't worry about marriage yet, focus on your relationship with Allah, perfect your character inshaAllah. Just think of yourself right now and make repentance

[Kneefrenolf]

Just relax, and take it easy, see the brighter side of the things, that before you didnt understand the hikmah and wisdom behind the rules of Shariah, but now you have first hand experience that to go against Allah's command actually brings upon harm to our life. So you should be positive, you have knowledge of this with certainty now, And you should change yourlifestyle.

CHange your aim in life, it seems your sole aim in life is to get married and find that love of your life, and now he is backing of so you feel your whole life is done. Wakeup from this sleep and dream. Move on, there is much more in life. You have to prepare for your aakhira. MArriage is a need in life, not the aim, Keep asking Allah for a succesfull marriage and work hard for your real goal in life and that is to please Allah. Life is short.

Look around yourself in the world, people are going through alot of trouble, some have physical illnesses, and are on their beds for ever, cant move cant do anything. Look at people in somalia, everyday they are going through hunger. Look at people in Syria and palestine, they are oprresed and are not sure when a tyrant soldier will come and rape and kill them.

You have time, health, and maybe also wealth. Use it for your betterment. get out of this immature state, just tell the shaitan that fine you like a boy and you made a mistake , but now you have repented and you are moving to the real aim in life and not wasting anymore time in listening his whispers.

Break all your contacts with him, think as if he has died, and start your life again, make goals how to improve your Deen and Duniya. Get yourself busy with productive things. And for your physical and emotional needs, ask Allah to make conditions easy for you.

Shaitan wants you to be stuck on this matter, makes you feel like a looser, and would love to see you kill yourself . Fine being a virgin is a good thing, but so what if you are not anymore, where does it say that only virgins will be allowed in Jannah.Every women looses virginity, all your mistake was that you just went too fast with it, and did not wait for the right time and right place. And its okay, what matters is, have you learnt your lesson, and are you going to still make the same mistakes or not?. If Allah wills he can bring in a boy in your life who will llove you to death, once again and will marry you. But First , you have to come onto the terms of Allah. Change your lifestyle. Change your priorities in life, get on with the correct business, and inshAllah Allah will make things easy.

So if you keep on remembering the boy and your sin , and ignore the rememberance of Allah , then shaitan will keep whispering in you. But if you channel your love emotions from that boy, to Allah . and use your intellect, that your aim in life is to please Allah, then there is hope for you to recover.

May Allah help you and change the condition of your heart and make you see the unimportance of that man, your sin, and past actions, and fill you up with the awe and importance of Allah and his obedience and his mercy and correct goals in life.

Thank you so much for reading my post and replying back.....might be ur right that i am trying to keep myself stuck in this situation and worrying more about my marriage rather being a good muslim.....i am working on myself to get out of this because there is lot more to do in this world rather just running after that guy.....
do remember me in ur prayers.......

[bWn4h8QD]

candy candy,

I know a guy who suffered for almost five years because his supposedly 'girlfriend' cheated on him and used him financially. They never got into any physical relationship as the guy was really hoping to make the girl his wife. And the amount he spent to help his 'girlfriend' was not small, some tens of thousand. But in the end you know what, he figured that this might be a blessing for him coz he wasn't living his life according to Islam in the past so maybe this is a form of mercy from Allah so that he can focus more on his character building and his journey to akhiraah. he's planning to get married some time next year with a girl who's more religious than his previous girlfriend.

you'll meet a better guy. Make dua to Allah so that you'll find a guy with good character for both life in this dunya and the akhiraah.

[drugimpotence]

Respected Sister in Islam

The reason why you are facing such difficulties is that you have violated the laws of Allah Subhānahu wa Ta’lā. The result of committing the act of Harām always leads to grief, sorrow, loneliness, depression etc. If you had never established such type of relationship, you would have never faced the situation that you are going through now. This should be a lesson for you not to fall into the same hole again as it comes in the Hadīth that a believer never falls into the same hole twice.

• Talk to your parents, friends, relatives, etc. and ask them to find a nice religious boy for you to whom you can get married to.
• Try to listen the lectures about the greatness of Allah and the Sunnahs of Rasullullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam. This will help you in creating the fear of Allah in your heart and in abstaining from sins and it will be very beneficial for you as well as for your Deen.
• Make your habit of praying tahajjud as much as possible (including all 5 time prayers).
• And please don't ran away from my Lords mercy , if he said so he said and he is and he will.

Regarding your depression I recommend you to please pray this Du'a with the intention that THIS DUA WILL CURE ME BECAUSE IT IS SAID BY MY PROPHET MUHAMMED

It is stated in a Hadith to say the following supplication to ease depression and anxiety:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّى عَبْدُكَ وَابْنُ عَبْدِكَ وَابْنُ أَمَتِكَ نَاصِيَتِى بِيَدِكَ مَاضٍ فِىَّ حُكْمُكَ عَدْلٌ فِىَّ قَضَاؤُكَ أَسْأَلُكَ بِكُلِّ اسْمٍ هُوَ لَكَ سَمَّيْتَ بِهِ نَفْسَكَ أَوْ أَنْزَلْتَهُ فِى كِتَابِكَ أَوْ عَلَّمْتَهُ أَحَداً مِنْ خَلْقِكَ أَوِ اسْتَأْثَرْتَ بِهِ فِى عِلْمِ الْغَيْبِ عِنْدَكَ أَنْ تَجْعَلَ الْقُرْآنَ رَبِيعَ قَلْبِى وَنُورَ صَدْرِى وَجَلاَءَ حُزْنِى وَذَهَابَ هَمِّى
“Abdullah ibn Mas’ud (RadiyAllahu Anhu) narrates that Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said: No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says: (O Allah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Quran the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety) - but Allah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him joy instead”




May Allah help you protect your chastity.

Ameen.

[asharbiq]

What an awful man. What a user. He just wants the S word, and nothing else. He couldnt care less about you, all he wants to do is sleep with you. He's disgusting. Revolting. despicable. gross.

The quicker you give him the boot, the better.

Salam Friends.....Its been few months that I had written a post here regarding my personal love life issues under the title of LOVE PROBLEM. A brief summary is that I fell in love with a guy and how everything went. We had physical relationship and promised each other to look after another through thick and thin. But later on that when I asked him to marry me, he refused. He mentioned the caste issues and other issues of his life. He had an affair with another girl before with whom he was physical for six years and wanted to marry her too. but her parents married her to a doctor. He felt bad because he only wanted to marry her because according to her she was the best and of a sound character too. according to him the sound character was to have premarital sex with only man man at a time. well before our committment I always asked him that I would marry you. and he always said that he would try. But later on he refused for no reason. He said you are stubborn girl and i want to marry the girl of my parents' choice bla bla bla..
The reason I am writing here is that when I had posted my problem over here then everyone gave so many suggestions to me. I did everything to get myself out of this problem. i am talking to a counselor also these days. But I am still standing at the same place. I still wish If i could convince him to marry me but i failed badly. He still says that love does not mean to marry. He asks that if you love me then just have sexual relationship with me but i wont marry you because you are a stubborn girl and so if you want to marry then marry the man of your family's choice. But i said to him that i cant do this because i love you only. its been 6 months now again that i have been trying to convince him but still no use.
I dont know whats wrong with me. I know unfortunately that what is right and what is wrong, i know what is the difference between ethical and unethical, i know what are the moral values, unfortunately i know everything but still my mind and heart says that he is my man and i have to convince him. I accept he lied to me because he never wanted to marry me and used me physically then why i am unable to forget about him. what is wrong with me. I am getting revengeful, I keep on planning how to kill him because he ruined my self, he took away my virginity and left me alone. He is a pathetic liar I know but then why i still want him. I pray alot and read quran daily and keep on supplicating to Allah to help me than still the things are not changing.
Every night i dont feel like sleeping, I feel stressed and tensed. I have gone into depression. I hate myself and i hate everyone. I feel like committing suicide because due to that man i have lost my self confidence, my love, my sincerity my everything. I begged him so much for marrying me because i dont want to marry someone else and cant ruin the life of another man. I know guys want to marry a clean virgin girl but then how i can fulfil this criteria now as i myself know the reality. this life is becoming a burden for me. every moment is becoming aweful. he is always on my mind. I know i love him still but i want to murder him because he ruined my life. i am unable to forgive him. i keep on cursing him. but i now feel that instead of cursing him I am cursing my own self by facing this pathetic psychological situation. i want to run and and want to kill him for sure. why why why i am thinking like this. i know its haram i know what i did was haram then why i am still not doing anything good.
i am facing severe mental tensions and pressures, i have also talked to my friends about this situation but still i am hopeless because inside i feel like convincing him. i keep on thinking about the plans that how to convince him. he was a liar, he used me, he made me feel like a trash, he never wanted to marry me, he always refused marrying me then why am i still in love with him. what is wrong with me. why dont i understand. I always prayed to Allah for blessing me with the best man and then he just came into my life. if he was not destined for me and although i prayed for a good man then why did he come. I pray to Allah for getting me out of this situation. I seek forgiveness from Allah. i pray alot and do continuous astagfaar. as a muslim i am trying my best to now put my trust on allah only then why i am still depressed. why dont i forget him. should i commit suicide or what? O my God what i am talking. i dont know what to do now. i have to have a neat clean life. I just want to love my husband only but i just wonder that i tried so much then why Allah didnt destine him for him. i did so much to convince him then why Allah didnt listen my prayer. I know i did bad bad stuff but I never wanted to it just happened in love with that man.
now why he is not ready to marry me if he had sex with me, why why why. how to forget about this past and how to get out of this. i really dont know because whatever strategy i have used gone useless. nothing is working in my situation. it seems i have gone crazy.
I know Allah is angry with me but he is the most Merciful the Most forgiving. I get so much upset and angry when i think that he would marry someone else. this thought make me mad. i get so much exasperated that i really want to kill him. I DONT KNOW WHAT IS THIS. this was not me. but this is me.
Please tell me what to do now
I want all of you to pray for me.....please suggest me what to do.....advise me sincerely......i am helpless for myself

[aaaaaaaabbbby]

Contact this e-mail address: info@zainabcenter.org

Tell them all your details and ask them for advice. Inshallah they will be able to help sort something out for you.

In the meantime:

Do not commit suicide.

Do not contact that man ever again.

Do you live by yourself? If so, I think you should live with your family for a while. Maybe talk to your mother, sister, or female cousins about what happened.

Also, stop thinking that because you are not a virgin, you are "dirty". That is not true. I am sure you will be able to find a man to marry who does not care about your past, inshallah.

[putza]

Thank you so much for reading my post and replying back.....might be ur right that i am trying to keep myself stuck in this situation and worrying more about my marriage rather being a good muslim.....i am working on myself to get out of this because there is lot more to do in this world rather just running after that guy.....
do remember me in ur prayers.......

Sister Shaitan will create anxiety in you, he wants people to panic, on the thought of marriage, money, business, etc. Dont fall into anxiety, cause thats when he tries to make you hurt yourself. Get out of this anxiety of marriage. Marriage happens when Allah wills, jsut concentrate on your duty towards Allah and your family, and Allah will surely provide you with the Rizq he has written for you. Just dont let this anxiety of future get on you, that "Ohh what will happen to me, who will marry me, how will that happen , this happen"...forget all that, just start doing the right things and you will see how situations will change in your life.

In Quran Allah has stated in a place that we do not change the condition of the people untill they change what is within themselves. So change the way you think, change the things you think about. for you to think about that boy , his love is also haram. Change your lifestyle according to the wish of Allah, and then see the promise of Allah comming.

And if ever you again start to feel anxiety about this whole marriage thought and your sin then Read. La Hawla wala Quwata illah Billah . Read a tasbih of this with the meanings of this in your mind, and then see how tranquility will descend on your heart, but make sure you dont do other sin, and follow shariah as much as you can . Masalam.

[Kneefrenolf]

Contact this e-mail address: info@zainabcenter.org

Tell them all your details and ask them for advice. Inshallah they will be able to help sort something out for you.

In the meantime:

Do not commit suicide.

Do not contact that man ever again.

Do you live by yourself? If so, I think you should live with your family for a while. Maybe talk to your mother, sister, or female cousins about what happened.

Also, stop thinking that because you are not a virgin, you are "dirty". That is not true. I am sure you will be able to find a man to marry who does not care about your past, inshallah.

yes i am living with my family.....i did talk to some of my close friends but could not control my emotions, feelings my nafs.....i dont know why i became so weak......it was constantly making me weaker and weaker day by day.......sometimes i felt like i have gone crazy but dont want to ruin my akhirah......
do remember me in your prayers.....

[biannaruh]

InshaAllah implement the following, turn to Allah and all becomes easy
A MUSLIM'S DAILY 'TO DO' LIST & CONFIDING WITH A SHAYKH-E-KAAMIL
BY MUFTI EBRAHIM DESAI (DB)

One should always meditate and ponder that Allah Ta'ala is Samee', (One who listens to every single thing), Baseer (One Who sees every single thing even if anyone else is seeing), Aleem (One who Knows of every single thing) and in the like manner reflect on the different attributes of Allah Ta'ala. Together with that, remain engaged in the Dhikr of Allah Ta'ala at all times.

A person would be able to reach the greatest height if he confides and consults with a Shaykh-e-Kaamil (spiritual mentor) who is pious and God-Fearing. We, therefore, suggest that you should try and relate all your issues to a reliable mentor with whom you have strong confidence and compatibility with, who will be able to give you individual and personal attention. May Allah Ta'ala grant you and all of us the quality of Taqwa, Aameen.

In today's times when evil and corruption is so common and rife, every individual must take it upon himself/herself to protect and guard against the soul being corrupted. Hereunder, are some guidelines to guard one's soul and spirituality.

a. Be punctual in performing the five daily Salats. A male must ensure he performs Salat with Jamaat in the Masjid.

b. Recite some portion of the Qur'an daily. It is also important to read the translation and commentary of the Qur'an daily. We recommend the following English translations: Muhammad Pickthall (Translation); Muhsin Khan (Translation); Tafseer-e-Usmani (with commentary); Daryabadi (with commentary); Maariful Qurãn (with commentary). NB. Any translation of the Noble Qurãn must be accompanied with the Arabic text next to the translation.

c. Recite the following three Tasbeehs any time in the morning or evening, 100 times Istighfaar, 100 times third Kalimah, 100 times Durood upon Rasulullah . The above three Tasbeehaat should be read in isolation and concentration.

d. Always display good character even in front of one's enemies.

e. Avoid intermingling with the opposite gender and lower one's gaze. Do not let the mind and heart be polluted with the form and shape of the opposite gender. That is death to spirituality.

f. Stay in the company of the pious. Bad company is detrimental to one's Iman and character.

g. Be conscious of life after death and accountability in the court of Allah Ta'ala. Keep in touch with reliable Ulama. Make their Ikraam (honour) and seek their esteemed guidance.

We hope if one follows the above points, he/she will be protected from the tricks of the Shaytaan http://www.daralmahmood.org/shaykh_kamil.html